Old Target, New Methods

This feels like a different life. So much changed over these years and yet everything is familiar. People have gone far by becoming easily accessible. Things were better when we could not speak with them every day. But now that we can do that, we don't. And what's worse, we don't even meet anyone anymore. Watching those reels is a better pastime than actually meeting real humans.

And yet we miss people. We want them yet we don't want them. We are overall more lonely. More depressed. More disconnected by being connected. You get to know that your erstwhile bestie became a mother through social media. Another one moved to a fancy country from her facebook wall. World is such a horrible place if you scroll through X timeline. Delete these apps and you live in the most ideal world. So what's causing chaos? People or social media? 

Ignorance is a bliss. You will be happy not knowing that Europe is burning every now and then. Or some grooming gangs have made things horrible for minors and young adults, while other gender related issues have again put women at the receiving end of men's fantasies. But the moment you open a social media app, you will be transported to the most miserable world that you have even seen. I am saying it from my experience of being on social media for long hours to completely disconnecting from it. Like, not even whatsapp forwards.

To think about it, this world has always been unfair to women. Earlier it was patriarchy, now it's gender game. Now you need to mention your pronouns everywhere so that it's easy for men to identify and mark you. Their target is the same that it used to be, and straightforward - cis women. And as always, women aid them in their own destruction. By letting them into their space. Just so that they are accepted. Accepted at the cost of their life and safety. 

Yes, it is a sad time and era that we are living in. I wish social media was never invented. But then, whether or not it was invented, we women have had it same. But we are fighters. Years of unfair life has made us survive somehow. This too, shall pass. We will struggle a few more extra years to find our place in the world, on the top position. But we will reach there. The new world is mean. But the world is lazy. 

Amazing how mind works. I started writing about something totally different and ended up some place else altogether. But that's how it is when you write what you think. And feel. It's good to be back here, writing again. If you think about it, this is a social media too right? Am I really away from it?

Life and Travel

Last month was spent travelling. I explored some new places within India - the places I had never imagined to be this beautiful. And untouched. Probably that's why they were so beautiful. You are travelling on random roads. You just take an unknown turn and keep going. There is no mobile network, awesome music is playing, it drizzles on and off, you pass by small villages, see local people going about their business, they wave at you when you pass by, or just find a small hill and sit there for hours, wishing that the time would stop right there.

These places were far far away from the main city. Or even the market. There was nothing available for about 30 to 40 kms from these towns. Wonder how these people would be surviving every day, for there is nothing around them. Not even a proper mode of transport - public or otherwise. Just their huts, a few people and empty land. It looked beautiful as it's monsoon, but I doubt that it would be as pretty during other seasons too. It would be brown and dead looking. You have 2-3 huts every at the distance of every five kms. But it was still like the best the life one could expect. So simple and so peaceful.

I was almost jealous of them. Almost. It would be amazing to have such a disconnected life. Forget mobile phones, they don't even have electricity in most of the houses. You live amidst the hills, water streams (at least during monsoons) and lush green surroundings. Things you call luxuries won't be available or for that matter required there. You have to walk mile/s just to reach home from the main road - a single lane road.

After seeing such a life, and those simple faces, it takes some time to come back to your normal life and be happy. Forget the life, even those trips were priceless. You neither want the journey to end, nor want the season to change nor want to come back to this life. It's as if you are in a different world altogether. It's like being transported to some other world, and yet it's real.

I didn't want to come back to be honest, but still I had to. Now the normal life has started. The same old routine. And some major changes are waiting to take place. Or maybe nothing will change. It will just pass. Just like everything else.

Simple times

November was one crazy and busy month. Work, lectures, travel and everything. Now trying to rest as much as possible as I am really tired. When you are outstation, you do not realize the amount of stress you take. But once you are back home, in your space, you realize how tired you feel.

And there is a reason for it: I was supposed to reach home on 29th November, but thanks to Air India (I didn't have any other option but to fly that airlines), it took me 17 hours to reach home instead of 6! I spent 14 hours at the airport. And that was too stressful. But I met a couple of Canadians at the airport, thus didn't realize much how the time passed by at Amritsar Airport that has just a small food stall and nothing else. From Delhi to Bombay flight was from the International Airport, thus it was not too difficult to pass my time there too.

Instead of reaching home at 8 pm, I reached at 9 am the next day. Unlike my few friends, I am not scared of flights, thus the travel time went in taking well deserved naps. I was so tired that I vaguely remember what I ate in the flight and went back to sleep immediately after having tea. I WAS tired.

After the trip, it's been even more hectic. Work back here has piled up, health has not been so good thanks to the extreme climate changes. Not that I am unwell, I just feel exhausted too soon, and which is not good for the workaholic me.

At such times when you look back and think about life, the simpler life that you lived more than a decade ago, you feel happy remembering that, but sad too as you cannot live that anymore. I was sitting outside a movie theatre yesterday. In front of me, there was a group of four girls. They would not be older than 14. Each of them were carrying a 10 Rs note. They bought one burger from Mcdonalds and four of them shared it. They were happy and content after eating that.

Immediately after that I went for a quick meal with a friend. I had Lasagna and some wine there. And we were talking mainly about work. It was a very delicious meal, but I was not as happy and content as those girls. I didn't have friends snatching away the fork and finishing that plate within five minutes as if the food will disappear if not eaten really fast.

Fancy life, easy life, convenient life - that's how it is now. But somewhere in my heart I miss that simple, mobile phone free, internet free life. 

PS: I clicked the picture of those girls, but then thought against posting it. I am too popular you see. I don't want people to recognize them and they in return wanting to sue me for this.

Life is weird

Life is weird. Things you are sad about right now will make you laugh at them tomorrow. Things you are happy about will soon seem as if they never existed. And we move on. At times slowly, at times pretty fast. At times pretending to be strong, at times faking the weakness. At times feeling bad about something we ought to do, at times taking others on a guilt trip just for the sake of proving oneself right.

And then we write about it. With bitterness, or sadness, or even with a relief - but we write. For the record. For laughing at us tomorrow or for smiling. Or maybe just to live the emptiness all over again.

Just the other day I was discussing about mood swings with a friend. I asked him how it worked with guys. Girls behave as if they have a birth right on mood swings. And how easily we blame it on PMS. It's at times the easiest and safest excuse, for many people do not understand that mood swings can be without any reasons. And my friend admitted of having those too. But he said that he could control his mood most of the times. Especially at work place. At home, his moods were more than visible - especially the irritated ones. Ah well!

All of us have different ways to handle a situation. Some people prefer to talk it out and reach a solution, some disconnect completely just to get the hold of the situation, some show anger, some cry. But that's about us. In the process of making ourselves stable, we forget that the opposite person may not be able to take your action in the right manner. You have to disconnect to make things normal, while he has to talk it out to keep things moving in the right direction. Even while doing good to others, we tend to become selfish. We assume so many things about so many things including what gives happiness to people who matter to us. And we lose it all in the bargain. Who is wrong here? Or who suffers in the end?

But again, it's life. And it goes on. Today we are crying about something, tomorrow we may not even remember it, for it may not really matter to us then. Or maybe we find better things. Or maybe we just remain stuck there in the same emotions even tomorrow.

Ah, life is weird!