Thursday, April 29, 2010

Trending Trends

Many of us follow the latest trends as per our convenience. Well, that's sensible too; as we all should move ahead with life. But following trends blindly or for the sake of it can be a little bit dangerous.

It usually starts when we are teenagers. Those short skirts, or stylish hair gels, highlighted hair, artificial jewellery like long earrings, thick bracelets, skeleton pendents, playing music at full volume in cars, smoking and drinking, gadgets, bikes and such. Out of college, we follow the trend of cars, formal clothes brands, scotch, laptops, etc. After marriage we want to wear the kind of clothes we used to wear before marriage; size may get a bit shorter. And after the marriage of our children, we want to follow the trend of stopping our daughters in law to wear a short dress!

People are indeed strange! A lady wants to upgrade from the age old sarees to a salwar suit; but her daughter in law cannot upgrade herself from a salwar suit to a denim or a skirt. A chain smoker father cannot see his son fagging a cigarette in front of him! Strange right?

Errrrr, I think I am inviting trouble here for myself; for many of you will disagree with me and take my case left-right-center for accusing all for things you may not have done!

Moving on to other trends; our bollywood is very much disciplined when it comes to following trends; for they have always been loyal to our hollywood. Any movie they make; they take some "inspiration" from west. So many songs have also been copied from various countries! Copying is a trend too I guess.

But there are good trends around. Like our Blog Trends. Wordless Wednesday, Friday 55er, meme, Haiku, participating in contests like Blog-a-Ton and such. I have seen some great photographs being posted for WW, while few made me think - what did they actually want to say? but I remembered later on that they were supposed to be wordless. Similar thing happens with 55ers too; but this can be a new post altogether.

Following trends wisely and following them blindly - you know what I mean right? Hypocrisy in the name of trend - pathetic! Whatever the case maybe; for ages trends have been followed by us whether right way or wrong way.

It's not wrong to say that trends have always been and will always be trending.

Image Source:

Monday, April 26, 2010

My "LOVE" for Mills and Boon


Those fans who are still reading this post, then blame this post on my blogger friends N, V and S as they encouraged me to come up with this one.

M & B - they are famous for their "fictional" love stories, mushy mushy take on almost everything from a hair pin to toilets to the girl's sandals and what not! All the things, features, characters are usually smooth as silk! Well not literally; but the explanation for each thing aims at one goal only - make it mushy and romantic.

And the characters! Oh my; they are so picture perfect. The guy is always very tall, way too handsome with broad shoulders, amazing arms, great body and extremely good at everything he does. The girl is usually the most beautiful lady alive (in all the books with different names), again blessed with flawless complexion, perfect curvy body, silky hair, blue eyes with a tinkle - deep as ocean and very prominent cheek bones (ah, don't we girls dream of this?).

In all the books; you will find more not less same characteristics in the characters. Roses and velvets spread all around the book; the perfect moon appears with a soothing breeze whenever there is a love making scene that goes overboard all the time. Mills and Boon books are grandfather of what Sydney Sheldon explains when it comes to erotica; as Sydney Sheldon uses around 15-20 pages on such details; while M & B uses 150 odd pages!

The story - The perfect guy meets the perfect girl; they have a perfect rosy rosy love story, their compatibility can give our gods and goddesses a run for their money. Something happens between them and they have to leave each other. And at the end they again meet and live happily ever after!

In short; M & B books are like our typical hindi movie stories minus the songs! There would at least be hundreds of M & B around; but almost all of them have the same story.

You know their worst impact? They actually make girls believe that there exists such perfect guy and they keep hunting for one until they meet one! Poor them; for they are unaware that such characters do not exist in real life.

Now before you guys jump from your seats and ask me why am I talking about the irony of girls only. The reason is that only girls read M & B. Even if guys do; they do not admit that they read them! Well, they are known as girly girly books; so that's obvious right?

Time for disagreement now. Shoot!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Old and New

Old is Gold - they say. I am sure there must be some kind of a logic behind this saying. But in today's fast pace life; do you seriously think that we can generalize this definition of Old is Gold?

There are things which you always prefer old - like old songs. These days the songs have pyjama phadna, kutta bhokna, gadha churana and what not! The old songs had melodies, tunes and sensible lyrics. But most of the new songs; well I don't think I need to say anymore right? We still miss that simplicity and innocence on the face of those actresses.

And our age old traditions. Don't we still love those expressions when we see our parents' pictures? How certain things which are meant to be silly; but we love them. Like our mother holding her pallu or showing her mahendi, and our father's image is pasted on it; those pictures clicked in the studio with various backgrounds of all the part of India, so in a day you can get yourself clicked in front of mountains full of snow as well as mustard farms.

But going by this Old is Gold funda, imagine your life with sending letters, or using typewriters, no computer at all. Impossible for us to survive even for an hour right? The typewriters are very few these days. A few lawyers still use them; but that's that.

But I still find typewriters very amusing. I love to type on one. They make you so alert and conscious that you do not make mistake; as it does not have a back space that deletes a wrong word or spelling; nor can it undo and redo!

Another case where you wouldn't prefer the old object is travel. Imagine to travel by a bull cart than an auto or a cab or a car. But has any of you tried a ride in the bullock cart? If you have then I am sure once in a while you would prefer it; especially when you want to explore the rural part of India.

Forget the bullock cart also; these days we prefer a flight to a train. Of course it saves a lot many hours of your travel time; but those antakshari rounds have been forgotten. We no longer fight about the upper birth to sleep on, we do not carry tiffin while travelling, we have almost forgotten the taste of sukhi bhel.

Let's for once take a ride in the train singing good old songs, let's explore our glorious villages in a bail gaadi, let's eat sugar cane in its solid form, let's steal a mango and fight over it, let's pull the bucket from the well to fill water. Let's live the life we have forgotten!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Honesty is not always the best policy

"Honesty is the best policy"

How many times you have got this gyaan from people around you? Well, they are usually right; but what they (conveniently) forget to add there is an asterisk sign (*) mentioning terms and conditions apply! It is not wise; rather it is the foolish most thing to do to be honest all the time.

For an instance; if your girlfriend asks you whether she is looking fat or not - can you give an honest answer? You can still be a little bit honest with your old wife; but not with the new one or the girlfriend. Rather; any negative comment about her clothes, accessories, looks, hair, tyre/s around her hour glass frame is a complete no no.

Another important thing - you can call it a tip too - Do not use the cliched statement of "there is more to love about you" for your girl when she asks you about her physical appearance!

You can never be honest in your job interviews. I think the image below will convey what I am trying to say more clearly:

Ah, do I need to say anything else now?

Honesty does not work when a traffic police catches you and you refuse to pay him 100 bucks to get away. Try being honest and you will have to spend a night in jail and pay 3000 fine for being honest. Tell me now; why will you fight against corruption and be honest?

But a man is dishonest in most of the cases associated with his wife. When our mother cooks awful food; we either do not eat or we crib non-stop. Try doing it with your wife when she makes a "special dish".

Are we ladies so scary? Any answer anyone?

It so happens that a very close friend of mine - S - is an "all the time jumping from one art to another" artist. And she is usually a disaster in most of the cases. Her experimental careers are painting, singing, jobs (yeah!), writing and what not. I have been fortunate enough not to have seen her art on papers so far; but she made me read a story written by her. Her characters were so confusing that they would be thinking themselves - what exactly are we? (Name not disclosed and gender changed to protect the person's real identity)

I can write five parts of this particular post; but I think I will stop here for now. If I have the mood; I will write another part soon! That reminds me; I don't think I have shared my weird mood swings with you guys; have I? Don't worry. It is not going to be only about getting angry or feeling lonely; but I am going to share my weird mood swings with you; again only if I am in the mood to write about it.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Stars and (M)Ads

Guys, I have a serious problem. Whenever i think about writing a post; the only topic comes to my mind is Mumbai! But this time I am going to write about not Mumbai; but Mumbaikars who are a part of an industry - the film industry.

We Indians are crazy to a greater extent. we love our cricketers and stars to an extent that we literally worship them. There are so many places in India where the stars' temples are built too. People sing Aartis for them. Well, they are regular aartis in which the Ganesh Deva is replaced by Rajni Deva or Amitabh Deva. I have even seen those innocent village people touching the feet of stars who played Ram and Seeta. but that's altogether a separate post topic (not that I am going to write about it!)

But again coming back to building temples and worshiping stars; this used to happen a few years back when they were doing films and an ad or two. But not anymore. These days; even if someone decides to worship; he will change his mind after seeing them endorsing briefs and vests!

It is a trend these days - bigger the star; worse the products they endorse. That thanda thanda cool cool Navaratna oil ad or the chavanprash ad; the stars are seen everywhere. Kachcha to car; talcum powers to detergent bar and what not.

Once there was a trend of endorsing liquor. All the superstars endorsed the various liquor brand. These days too; the stars endorse them under the covers of soda, cds and cassettes, mineral water etc. all.

This was also not sufficient for them; when they started screaming out loud the slogans of "Ye aaram ka mamla hai" and "sona de surakshit tan aur chandi de tez dimag" (I will translate these if you want me to. Please mention it in the comment). But all the limits were crossed when they started featuring in a fairness cream for men ads! And here we girls still dream of a tall, dark and handsome man. Ab bolna padega - tall, fair and cute (and straight) man. The calculations of an average man spending how many hours in front of mirror gets on your nerves!

The only product that our male actors do not endorse is a sanitary napkin. but that day is not too far when you will see them turning blue ink liquid into jelly; since they have already taken bath in a tub while endorsing a soap!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Youngistan Ka WOW!!

I have written this post for IndiBlogger's "Youngistan Ka Wow Contest". My challenge is – If I were the game master, what challenge would I throw at Ranbir?

The Game Master (i.e. me) is thinking:

Isn't it my (mis)fortune to throw a challenge at Ranbir whom I kind of loathe? I think loathe is a little bit harsh word; so say I dislike. Ah, sounds perfect. (What? This is how I think and talk to myself! So read on my second track!) Ranbir - such a useless chap. I started disliking him the moment he dropped his towel in front of his director of that blue film Mr. SLB and thousand other crew members; but not camera. You know; SLB had given the camera to his assistant and he stood in front of Ranbir to take the full shot with the other camera? Well, little birdie told me this! And these people gave me the golden opportunity to challenge Ranbir for a Pepsi. I had thought of asking him this question:

From the following ladies; whom did you actually love?

A. Dipika B. Sonum C. Katerina

A, B, ya C batao!

I am sure he would have failed there and then; because he declared in public that he loved all three; but the correct answer is that he loved none! But the Pepsi people rejected my suggestion outright! They thought that I would become more famous than the brand Pepsi! (before creating any controversy; remember guys, I am thinking out loud right now.) Now poor me; I had to think of something more easier and simpler so that Ranbir indeed gets the Pepsi. This is called as Ad fixing. And I thought only match fixing existed! Alright no problem with this also. But since they have made me - a lady - the Game Master; I had at least expected that they would remove that dumb girl sitting next to the regular Game master who only knows one word "wow" and replace her with John Abraham. But sigh! This suggestion was rejected too. I fail to understand one thing why did they make me a Game MASTER at the first place when they can't meet my little bit difficult demands! Pathetic people.

Thoughts interrupted:

Level two is already crossed by Ranbir. how do I know? Well that dumbo just said "wow". But the Pepsi people ain't too bad either. The third obstacle I suggested was accepted by them. My suggestion was that Ranbir will have to either answer the question correctly or he will have to take the "wow" girl home forever!

(Grinning widely at Ranbir)

You have crossed the Second Level. Now cross Level Three and the Pepsi is yours. If you do not answer the question correctly; then you will have to pass your entire life with the "wow" girl.

But my happiness was short lived. They gave me the silliest possible question to ask him. I was so depressed but nevertheless; I asked him the question (I told you; the Ad is fixed):

In Pepsi, WOW kiska hai?

A. Oldistan B. Kabaristan C. Youngistan

(Thinking again!)

Why did I even choose to be a part of this!!!!

PS: The post is supposed to be crazy and wacky; so please adjust with this stupidity.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Indian outfits and Me

Our country is famous for its rich tradition and customs. And of course for beautiful women. A saree has always been an integral part of our traditional outfit for women. And don't they look elegant and gorgeous in those beautiful sarees? From a ten year old kid who wears it for school function to an eighty year old lady - saree makes one look simply beautiful. Even I manage to look quite decent in a saree! Ah, that's modest me.

But to be very honest for a change; if you see me in a saree, I look quite normal. But the moment I start walking; many eyebrows are raised. Not for my gorgeous looks; but for the way I walk!

I cannot walk with elegance no matter in what kind of an outfit I am in. That's why they say; it does not matter what you wear; the thing that matters is how you carry yourself in that outfit. And that's where I fail majorly!

Be it a saree, or a salwar suit; I walk like a Zombie in those outfits too. My mother tried buying me high heels so that I would at least be cautious while walking and that might make me look a bit more elegant; but I managed to run in those 5" heels to catch a local train. In the end she finally had to buy my excuse of "heels will cause me a major fracture".

But more than my zombie walking style that I do not care about; I am somehow not comfortable in traditional outfits as they make me either way too conscious or a bit too carefree. Weird but that is how I carry them.

My wardrobe usually consists of baggy tees and denims, I love faded clothes - older the better. Black is my colour. You will find every second tee or a dress black. I love tees with one liners. One of my favourite tees has a one liner:

You can't change a man unless he is in diapers.

Few more with such witty messages are:

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.

Such a beautiful day. Now don't open your mouth and spoil it!

The key to a successful relationship is sincerity. Once you can fake that; the rest is easy.

The best one that I have (in black) - in the front it is written:

Real men don't read instructions.

I have already done one whole post on the one-liners. So I will not mention many. But back to my topic after going round and round; I have a bit odd taste when it comes to clothes. Second and biggest advantage for my husband is that I do not take time while shopping. I shop when I need clothes. I buy 3-4 tees and a denim or two within half an hour. My stores are fixed; the size does not change and the patience level is almost zero too.

But again; it is a task for me to wear a saree when there is some wedding or pooja in the family. A married lady must wear a saree for such occasions and that too; a traditional kanjivaram saree - amazing combination one can dream of!

But the compliments do work on me at that time. So I somehow wear it and try to pull it off. People avoid walking with me when I am in a saree. They avoid walking with me when I am at my faded best too; but they cannot get away all the time right?

So anybody, fancy a walk with me this Diwali?

Monday, April 05, 2010

Calories - Your true lover

We see people ranting about how others take them for granted; boyfriend not loving girlfriend as much as she expects (or vice versa); how the price and expenses keep increasing and such. Various rants on various topics - depending on your standard of living.

Two middle class women will rant about how costly sugar has become or tur daal prices are ever increasing; while upper class ladies will discuss that their dog's appetite is decreasing. They bought only 10 packets of dog food instead of 15!

But one common thing that does not change on the basis of your class or standard of living is the over increasing weight. Each age group and class discuss this. They are worried about those always growing tires all around their body. Some go for a walk, some exercise, some do yoga and some crib. But they are always worried about those calories after they have consumed two samosas or three ice creams.

But these people have a logic too behind consuming those extra calories. Their determination wins over their guilt. They do compensate by walking for extra 10 minutes on treadmill; or by doing a few extra crunches.

We spend thousands in gym to reduce the calories; but a five rupees samosa makes us forget that thousand completely for ten minutes.

Lekin kya kare; these calories do not leave us at all. They always follow us wherever we go; waiting for us to grab a bite so that they can take over us. They are like those psycho lovers whom you cannot ignore until you die; as they are immortal.

But our nature is pretty strange. We envy those who are size zero by default. We pity those who are 100+ and sympathize with them even when we are just a ten kgs lighter. But; that's human right? How badly we crave for a cold coffee with a pastry or a cheese pizza while heading to the gym. How those lousy protein shakes get on our nerves every time we have to relish them for "our own good"!

Now Cafe Coffee Day has found out a solution for you. You might not be going there with the fear of building up a few more calories. They have a smart option to attract people. See the images below. You will know what I am talking about:

Interesting and smart; isn't it?

But it will at least motivate you to consume those extra calories and shed them by pulling the door! Wish it was so simple.

I am blessed with high metabolism. So you can imagine what I must be going through each time I am among those "khate-pite ghar ke log" physically!

Friday, April 02, 2010

My Letter to Neha's...

On one summer’s day, I stumbled across a piece of my heart…
Being “the funny guy”, with her sensibilities hidden below layers of sarcasm, wit and petty foolishness, I have never been able to express myself when and where it really mattered.
There’s a concept that I believed in “No two woman can be friends for life” and it still is true… Neha is not my friend, she is the light of my blogging-life, a part of the real me, the girl I love… my faraway soul-mate and my blogging-twin.
She was born a good five days later than me, which makes Neha’s my kid-sister. She just celebrated her first birthday and now after me, she is about to celebrate the completion of a wonderful hundred posts.
But that is talking about Neha-the-blog and not Neha-the-woman who sealed the deal, the deal without any contracts but silent understanding between two hearts.
People wonder, people laugh, they joke and they kid but when we say we love the other like we don’t anyone else, but we mean it, every time. Maybe it’s part of growing up or part of discovering facets and shades to an one-dimensional existence but we discovered what a true and real ‘bond’ can entail, can hold, can withstand, can be.
My popular blog was outshone by her popular blog and I should be jealous, people perceive. And we? I take credit for Neha’s success and Neha swears by Guria’s. She never understands the charm she weaves, the spell she casts with her ordinary but mesmerizing words and bits of her colorful personality, and thinks I’m just being the notorious, flattering me. She will root more for the Misfit than she will ever for her own blog, like the child she loves more because she didn’t give birth to it. The possessive flavor, the protective nuances, the boundless love and pride made me much more than I could ever hope to be.
If our blogs would be our lives, I could have said that she is my better half, my soul-sister, the light of my heart… But blogs are not real, only virtual. So I say all that… she is my better half, my soul-sister, the light of my heart… in my real life, and I say that about the girl whom I have only read, heard and never seen. But the blind can love too, can’t they? And then I believe the blind see more than the sighted ever can.
I am writing this in a piece of paper today because I couldn’t say just “Happy Birthday” on her completing her first or just a "Congratulations" on her upcoming hundredth. Because Neha’s stopped being just a blog for me long time back…
Neha is a woman whom I admire, who is more special as she doesn’t ever understand- love her baffled expressions and her pained pauses- why she is so. She is one of the most beautiful individuals I have the pleasure of knowing, of listening to… hearing her voice have always ever lifted me up… she is the one who has supported me, been with me beyond what one can ever imagine… she is the one who held my hand when I was down and hurt, she is the one who rejoiced most when I had reasons to celebrate…
A hundred posts, or a full year, readers and followers, popularity or infamy, they are not what I got from blogging… in this big, wide and ugly world, Neha is the best present that my writings, my blog could have given to my life…
I dunno if I am half of what Neha is to me… but there’s one thing that comes out of my heart that is as true as heartbeats we live with, is that, I really love you, girl!

Love, Guria.

P.S. I wrote this post as the last thing Neha would ever write is about herself. And yet I wanted All to know that as special as you know this blog to be, the lady who writes in here is always, always more so special…