Anger

We claim to be a strong person in front of the world, but it's difficult to lie to oneself. We act foolish when we like someone more than we should. I am not talking about love. When you are in love, you forgive everything and continue living in the hurt. But when you step out of the bubble once, and see how you are being treated, you decide to stand by yourself. Yes, there is hurt in this too, for your love is at stake. You may end up losing the person you love forever. But it's worth the effort. If someone doesn't appreciate you, it's time to step aside. And move on.

I always believed that love was more than enough in life to survive. Survival of emotions was solely dependent on that. Is it really a sensible thing to do? Yes, if you are with the right person. Again, the hitch here is that right differs for everyone. What is right for me may not be the same for you. That's where the problem starts. 

Most of the relationships don't survive as both of you intend different things from the relationship. Put it this way. We expect different things. We have different expectations from each other. Rather, different expectations screw it up all. If you say that a relationship is unconditional, there are no expectations involved then you should stop kidding yourself. Expectations are a part of any arrangement. They increase or change with time. Sooner you accept and acknowledge this, the better.

It's easy to be a shoulder when someone is sad. Difficult part is to make a room for happiness for that person. If you can't fulfill the latter, don't even attempt the former. You always end up hurting someone in the process. People develop hopes when you promise them things just to cheer them up in their shit time. Do them a favour. Don't. 

For the past one week, I have felt many emotions. Most of the time it has been anger. I am angry at myself. No, there is no room for regret in my life. I haven't regretted anything I have done so far. I take the full responsibility of my actions. And what makes me angry is when people forget the fact that you are human. And you can be sensitive. You may get offended by the smallest of the thing and would expect the other person to understand your anger. Anger comes where there is love. Most people overlook the fact. They become defensive. And that kills the love. 

Life teaches you lessons in a harsh way. We think that our shit is the shittiest of all. We don't really know what's happening in others' lives. Here I am writing about my stupid emotions and cursing my life, in some part of the world someone would be praying for a dear one's life, someone would be waiting for help after meeting a horrible accident, someone would be celebrating a child birth, someone would be happy as the girl he loves just said yes, someone must have lost a huge assignment, someone must be struggling to get sleep, someone would be struggling to wake up.

When the worst shit chooses to be in your life, you wake up every morning miserable, and want to yell - why me. There is no answer. You chose it. Or it chose you. Either way, you are in shit. Now what? What else. Survive. Fight with your own self. Keep telling and convincing yourself that you will have good days too. Until then, try to look for the you that's gone missing. You might get lucky and find that. If you do, let me know too where to look.

Just like that

At times you just feel like writing. About nothing. About everything. I can write hundred things about one topic, and nothing about hundred topics. It's all about the mood. And mind. And how interesting the post turns out in my head. It mostly sucks, and it is mostly liked by others. Thus I have stopped thinking about how anything turns out to be.

People expect unconditional love from others, and they receive unwarranted hatred at times even from strangers. That's life. That's how it works. You think you're unimportant but there are people who talk about you and you are not even aware about it. They talk about how unimportant you are, and end up proving their theory wrong. That's how stupid they are. Or that's how fucked up you are.

And I was told just now that there is no connection between what I started with when I started this post and how I completely digressed in the second para. I think the moment I change the paragraph, my thinking process changes. I shirt the tracks drastically. And how. But that's how I can write. Thus I don't attempt to write for an audience. I sound too artificial to me when I do. There is no sense of satisfaction when I do.

Have you ever noticed how people define good or bad? Good things are usually the ones that benefit you and fear inducing things become bad. It's dussera today and people burn Ravana. They kill the bad. The good guy won, and the bad one had to die. Death is probably the worst punishment we can think of. But there are worse things than dying. And if people know that, they won't fear death. And we can't deal with too many bad men alive. We are scared of them. To protect our neck, they have to die.

It will never be about good or bad. It will always be about convenience and fear. And weak vs strong. You live, fall down, get up, rot and die.