Friday, September 19, 2014

Let's judge everyone. It's free.

It's so easy to offend people these days. All you need to do is post something online on any social networking site. They call it sly post in fancy language. Some anonymous person is hiding behind his 10k phone, judging you for the acts you have done. He is neither paid for it nor does it change his life in any manner. But they say that attention is priceless. And you can get it without doing much.

I feel sick. I see everyone passing judgement about every damn thing that happens around. Oh she eloped and got married? Such a characterless girl. He left his parents and moved out? He will realise how it feels when his child does the same to him. She got divorced? She must be at fault. Her husband seemed like a nice guy. Oh look at that poor man, posting emotional statuses. His wife is such a bitch. Left him for no reason. He loves her so much.

The list goes on and on. The victim suffers. Because of certain narrow minded assholes. The society consists of them. They are everywhere. Nothing ever helps to reform them. Some of them are more educated than the victim. Victim is actually a wrong word. But that's the only word most understand. Have you ever wondered why so many people are victimised and most still don't prefer to raise their voice? Because they are scared that the society won't accept them if they go against the rules made by the society.

And it's true. Being a lawyer, I have come across so many people who have suffered because the society was unfair to them. Some were brave enough to take a stand, to raise their voice. But I see them struggle today. Post divorce, women simply become an easy target for men, or a taboo. Yes it very much exists in today's world. Parents want to get them remarried asap. Men don't have a better life either. They are constantly judged. And taunted. But they don't live in a state where they have to hide their marital status as they are scared of being vulnerable and easy target.

I must be sounding like someone who still lives in a medieval age, but if you step out of your bubble of a perfect world, you'll see its darker side. It's exposed to those unlucky few. The world is full of abusers. They abuse you physically, mentally and emotionally. They abuse you financially. They abuse your individuality, your reputation, your life, your heart and mind. These abusers live in your house, in your neighbourhood, at your workplace, they travel with you in public transport, they are reading your updates on social networking sites.

How are you going to run away? How will you get rid of them? Will they ever leave you alone? I guess not but I hope for it. People judge. They will never understand why you did something, why you're what you're today. To understand you, they will have to be you, go through what you did, but you'll pray that they don't have to lead the life you did. Nobody should experience with that side of life. But this side of life is not hidden. Put in efforts to see it. It's right in front of you. Accept it, improve it. Don't make a face when you see it. Make this world a better place for the ones who deserve to lead a respectable life too, just like you do.

Thursday, September 04, 2014

Body hair? Ugh eww

No, that's not my reaction. That's how most men (and women) react to body hair on women's body. I never thought it was a huge deal for them, but recently someone posted about body hair on a woman's body and most men said that they liked their women waxed/shaved all the time. Coming from hairy creatures that most Indian men are, it was kinda surprising. 

Mostly, women don't have hard/pricking hair. They have a soft hair growth in most of the parts of their body. But if she doesn't wax or shave regularly, she has been looked down upon. Mostly by other women. We are always so very judgmental about girls with unwaxed arms/legs/underarms. A light growth pricks us more than the dark curly thick growth men get. 

Not complaining here, nor do I want to sound like a feminist and demand equality where I'd want men to wax like we do. Personally I don't really care about body hair. But I don't like the hypocrite attitude of people in this regards. Men joke about women with undone upper lips. In most cases you can't even see the hair out there unless she is so close to you that her nose touches yours (most of you will get this lucky only after you are married, don't worry). It's amusing when they say that the girl has a mustache. Dude you won't even feel it when you kiss her then why complain? Just once, try threading your mustache instead of shaving it and you will realise why we avoid doing it.

Our life is indeed difficult. Hair on arms, legs, underarms, back, stomach, cleavage, bikini line, facial hair, eyebrows - and removing/maintaining all these things, going to salon once a month, scream when that chick pours hot wax and pulls out all these hair - dude! I wish it was completely acceptable to keep those hair and still called sexy. Yet, we do it - to look good, for hygiene purpose or just to feel clean - we do it. Out of habit. Also because we don't want to be looked down upon. We don't want our men to say that he feels embarrassed to go our with us as our hairy legs show in that dress and it looks quite gross. 

Yet, we accept you with hair all over your body. At times we feel like telling you to keep your tee on while hugging us, as your body hair gives us itchy feeling and it's not really a turn on. It's weird not to see any part of your skin when you are topless. No, it's not sexy always. It's not even a sign of manhood after a point, for we know that already. But we accept you with all your natural flaws. 

Do a favour to your women - don't make a face if you happen to spot her unwaxed arms when she is out on a date with you. She can be lazy and busy, there are ten other things on her mind than making sure that she looks perfect for you all the time. It's all right to hold her hairy hand, be fine with it. Don't worry, you will RARELY get to see her that way. She will make sure she is clean enough when she meets you, just how you like. And if she is not, then look at yourself, look at your body, her hair growth won't bother you that much then.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Attachment theory

I think I should change my blog name to Neha's philosophies. That's the only thing I am good at writing. Or so I believe. Today I was talking about attachment with a friend. And I realised that I don't get emotionally attached to people anymore. There was a time when I was an emotional fool. Strange thing was that not many were aware about this side of me. I always protected myself from being emotionally exploited. Vulnerability was something I wanted to believe/show that never existed within me.

Teenage days, I was not sure about what kind of guy I wanted. Yes, you do look for someone good looking always, but I was clueless about other aspects about him. I was a very ugly teenager. I never really had many choices anyway. But I was smart. People liked to interact with me. I could talk to anyone about any topic. From sports to politics to writing to reading to studies to people. Now when I think about that time, I realise how dumb I was. And others, dumber. 

I was emotionally at different level in each relationship. This attachment only increased with time. To an extent that it was no longer a big deal to keep my ego aside and agree to whatever my guy said. I was no longer in touch with my friends, his group was my group, my choices were secondary. Yes, I was doomed. It was a stupid thing to do, forgetting who you are and agreeing to everything your guy says/does.

I learnt from my mistakes. I decided not to forget my individuality for anyone. And I didn't. But this time, another extreme trait became the reason for making me the way I am today. I always loved unconditionally. In all my relationships. I never had any expectations from people. I never asked any questions, never expected any answers. That's how I was. And there were times when it was important to ask questions and demand explanations, but I didn't. It was almost as if I was chasing my own destruction.

I thought it was perfectly all right to do these things for love, to keep the one you love happy. But you cannot really be happy if you are killing your happiness for someone. Yes, change a bit, adjustments are never wrong, but they have to be made in moderation. When you are the only one making the adjustments and the other person does nothing, in all probabilities the relationship will not last. 

I thought relationship was the only thing that I was losing by being this way. But I was wrong. I was losing myself. I realised it much later and the damage was done. I started becoming emotionally detached. I no longer felt the way I would usually feel about someone - be it family or friends. I still care for them. I still go out of my way to do things for them, to keep them happy. But there are no emotions involved. I am not attached to them as much as I used to be. It's a good state. People don't think you are changed as you still do things for them the way you used to do. But there is something lacking in your touch and in your tone. It's a scary state.

Now it's too mechanical for me. For others, I cry because I am expected to, I smile just to avoid questions. But I am happy. I cry and smile for me. I don't believe in display of emotions all the time, but I still display them. I rarely have low days. I am mostly normal. The day I am low, I become quiet. I disconnect from everything and everyone. And I am fine in no time. I don't like to receive texts and messages and e-mails asking me how I am. I think it's useless. I like people who agree with me regarding this. 

About attachment, it might come back, it may never come back. I am fine so far as I am happy. And that's the only thing that matters. Yes, I love you. Hah.

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

Moving on

Life is normal again. I have a set routine, boring one. I know what I am going to do at what time. In my mind I always thought I was different from everyone else. I chose a career path people are scared to choose at a young age and without any support from anyone. The kind of risks I took at the beginning of my career at that age, if I think about it now, I don't think I would take the same decisions now. Or maybe I would. 

Life is different from what it used to be then. With age, complications increase. We study hard, get a job to have a comfortable life, get married to have a support system, have kids to prepare for the future support, mostly we are unlucky as the spouse or the child/ren trouble us all the time, parents/in laws too in case of Indians. Why did we study hard for a comfortable life then? Is this life really comfortable? Is your spouse really providing you with the kind of support you wanted from him/her? 

In some cases, people get tired and get divorced, in some cases they cheat on their partners, in some cases they continue living in misery. People who swore never to get married are changing nappies of their kids, those who wanted to get married at the first given opportunity have a very successful career. And there are some like me who write about these people.

What do we really want from life? And if it keeps changing, then why do we still continue living in the same old life that's not giving us any happiness? Yes easier said than done, I know. But why do we struggle so much through our life? From the time we are born, in school, college, career, family - everywhere we are made to compromise. Every time we are told that happiness lies in the next stage of life. And like everything else, that next never comes. You keep moving from one stage to another. You keep looking for that happiness. And you don't find it.

Funny how we realise that we were happy in the stage we left behind and not the one we are moving towards. Funny how we are not happy in the stage that looked so in the future and will look so again when it becomes the past. Is this the reason that the moment we think we have found the happiness in something in the present, we do not want to let go of it even though it starts causing us sadness and trouble after some time? Is this why people do not want to move on?

It's like, we have this in mind that if we let go of what made us happy at one point, we will never find another one? Maybe we have been brought up with the mindset that letting go is a sign of cowardice. Brave man fights his battle. We don't stop and see the consequences of our actions. We live with the same old values, some are good, while some are harmful. Some principles made sense when they came into existence. With time even they need to change. Being selfish is the key? Maybe. I was always told that you can be selfish so far as you are not being harmful to anyone. But how many times you have been the victim because others were selfish? If everyone behaves the same way then it's not really harming anyone and still being selfish. And happy. Right? 

If only people read me instead of Osho.

Saturday, June 07, 2014

Stuck on the same page

I am back. Writing after two months. And it kinda felt nice when a few people told me that they missed my posts. Aww moment. I was away for a few days. Entire April and May first half were crazy so far as work was concerned. After that I went for a vacation. A much needed break. It didn't help me though. I feel as if I have gone back in time by four years. Things are again back to the place where I started. As if I never moved on. And this phase is not a good one. But I know I will be fine. Back to my real self and kicking. Like everything else, even this will be over.

In other news, I travelled for good 12 days. Two trips, one was beyond awesomeness, another to my hometown. I will be writing about the first one on travel blog I have decided to start. Let's hope I will be able to write more frequently there. And here as well. At least one two posts a month maybe. Don't think I can write more than that anymore. No I don't lack topics. I have plenty of them to write about. It's just that I have been busy. On a super busy day I am working for 18 hours and on a free day I am doing absolutely nothing. Or maybe take a book and read the whole day. Earlier I did blog too on free days, but now a days there is no motivation. And that's not good. This be the best vent out zone for me. 

Some phases in your life are too good to be true, while some are so bad that all you want to do is to press the fast forward button. All of us live in phases. A normal life is a phase, so is a bad one. Money, poor state, travelling, working - everything. It's not possible to live in the routine. Even if you are doing the same thing every day, some or the other factor will change its course some day. And life goes on. At times keeping you happy, at times depressed, at times lost. You forget the number of crossroads you come across through life. You remember the significant ones for certain time, then the new ones replace them. Priorities change. Choices change. Preferences change.

But worst are the phases that make you feel that you have gone back in the past. Or have not moved on at all. You are stuck at the same place. On the same page. Your mental state is the same. You are lost. And disappointed in yourself. You don't want to do anything at all. Nothing makes any sense. The strong you, the one who motivates everyone, who is always smiling suddenly feels depressed.

This situation is good too. It gives you time to stop, breathe, evaluate. It lets you know who your friends are and who would stand by you. It's nice to see them trying hard to cheer you up in all possible ways. You realise you are after all not that strong. You are normal. Like everyone else. And this realisation is required. That pause is required. It keeps you grounded. And that's needed. Yes.