It's been so long since I wrote something on this blog. I don't even feel like calling this a blog anymore. It's more like a "taken for granted" device for me. I come here, rant, vent out and leave. Without bothering about who reads it, what people think. Not that I write something offensive or malign anyone here, but still, writing senseless things all the time is worse than writing a hate post. At least a hate post will be worth reading.
People change. I say it every time in different words and tone when I write my thoughts. Yes, people change. Differently. But the impact is mostly the same. Every time someone misquotes you, you get angry. And lose trust. The cycle gets repeated. Every time something happens, you realise that there exists a new kind of trust. It was always there in you but you never realised it. You never realised it until it broke. And it cannot be mended again.
You be with a person for years. At times the relationship does not remain at the same level. You have your own set of differences and priorities in life. But yet you are connected. There are some things you would want the person to tell you. There are some things you would want to know no matter what kind of relationship you share with them. Just because you have had a special bond in the past. You deserve to know some things. And when you find out that they were hidden from you, you lose trusting.
The impact of losing trust can only be felt. It can never be described. You scream, you cry, but there is no way you will get it back. The worst thing is, you will no longer get it in anyone else. It kinda dies at that moment. And never comes back.
When I look back in life, and think about all the incidents when my trust broke, and just for the sake of respecting the relationship, I ask myself what if the person comes back to me seeking forgiveness? Well, the person must think he is wrong to seek forgiveness at the first place. But still, being highly optimistic, if that's the case then what will I do? Will I forgive and let go? Or will I be firm about the decision that I have taken? My mind favours the latter. But the heart is still a bit partial towards the former. The reason is simple - if I am getting the thought then somewhere it's still there in my heart. All I need to do is let one agree to another.
We set boundaries for ourselves in our mind. There is a tolerance point for everything. Most of the times people around you know that point. In some cases they are too dumb to realise it. But when you come across the specie that knows exactly what the point is, and yet pushes you beyond it, then dude you are screwed. And if you give in, then that's the end of the life you once dreamt. The person will step over you from hereon. Again and again. And you won't be able to do anything about it. Till he does something irreparable. And that will affect you more than it will affect him. He is just losing you, but you will lose something more than him. You will lose the trusting ability. And that's the end of one aspect of your life, forever.
There is no solution to this situation. I have rotten in it, so will you. I am trying to mend myself. If I do, I will let you know how I did it. If you have done it already, wait for a while before telling me. I am not yet ready for it.