Saturday, February 22, 2014


I would probably be one of those rare persons who keeps getting realisation moments every now and then. Especially when I'm travelling. Which is a bit frequent if you ask me. Roads are my drugs. The moment I smell fresh air, I want to go on and on and never to stop. If only that was life. If only I earned money just by doing that and reinvest the earned money again doing the same.

I thought about being travel blogger too, but when I read about the kind of posts they have to write, the way they have to endorse brands, companies, review hotels and food, and services, I realised I could never do that for living. Yes I happen to be a good lawyer. Yes I'm doing well in my career. But what next? Is this the end? Or the beginning? I don't know.

I am happy doing what I'm doing. But if I'm still thinking about changing my career, am I really happy? I'm sure something is lacking. I don't know what it is. But something is amiss. I get that sense of satisfaction when I travel. When I travel alone. But I might be feeling that because I travel just for a few days. I don't know how I will feel if I am doing it day in and day out?

It's amusing to see words playing games in my mind. Really amusing. How easily I get motivated to go to new places. How quickly I want to plan my next travel. How smoothly I even end up planning it.

Last night watched the movie highway. Just two days after my vacation got over. The memories of the road trip were fresh in my mind. This movie activated those cravings of being on the road yet again. Explore less visited places. Just hit the road and go wherever it takes you. I was lost in the visuals. I was reminded of all the trips I had had so far. And how!

Yes some things touch you, you cannot explain how. But they leave a lasting impact on your heart. And mind. And soul. They might be a trivial thing like a movie, or a huge thing like a heartbreak. But they become a part of you. And they are there to stay. To change you. To make you a better person. Or a worse one. But they keep you going. And at the end of everything, that's the only thing that matters. 

PS: Ignore typos. I'm sitting in a cafe, writing this on my phone. 

Monday, February 03, 2014

Fear, faith and foolishness

I have been running. Running away from the past, from the future, from people, from fears, from tears, from peers, from love and hatred, form just and unjust - name it and I would want to duck it. Or be oblivious to it. Like an ostrich. I want to hide my face in the sand and believe that the fear doesn't exist as I cannot see it. 

But is it really the fear that I'm scared of? Hmm, not really. It's actually the opposite. I'm scared because I don't have the fear of fear. Does it make sense to you? Of course it does, and thus you're reading me even now. Most have given up on me. Some are still tolerating me because love is blind and shit. 

How many times have you been told that you have changed? And you're not the same person anymore? I get that all the time. Even from my mother. At times she feels I'm very cold towards her and everyone else and at times she finds my caring suffocating. She even tells me that she hates the fact that I can live without her, or anyone else. I don't really need people. 

It's cute when people make assumptions on your behalf and decide themselves how we would have behaved or what we wanted. It's almost like they live in the world with us that they have created and think that we wanted them to create it that way. They don't even ask us once as to what we would have preferred. Now you're stuck in the world neither you like nor they do. And you're responsible for its creation. 

I can scream, just to make you realise that I do not think the way you assume about it. My Thoughts are too fucked up mostly. I react to different situations differently each time. Thus it's impossible for you to guess the right reaction. Don't even attempt it. I love you enough to live the way you want me to live. But don't assume my limits and my actions/reactions. 

Things are changing rapidly. The ant has finally managed to hold her balance on that steep wall. She is moving on. And she is moving on to a destination. It's the future or the past, only she knows. It's wise not to assume that even before she has reached there. Her journey just indicates that she is moving. Leave her alone. Don't make her doubt her moves. She is happy right now. And moving towards that. As that is going to keep her happy. That's what she has decided to live for - her happiness. 

Have you ever seen birds immediately after they were caged? I have. They had a tough time adjusting to their new found jail, but they eventually did get adjusted. We assume that they want to fly. They want to be free. Sky is where they belong. But what if they choose comfort over freedom? Like most of us humans? What if they are happy in the cage? But that doesn't mean they would never want to be free. At some point they would realize where they belong and they would want that life back. Give them what they want. Care about their happiness more than your profit, and you'll see freedom ready to soar.