Monday, February 11, 2013

About happiness

I always knew I would enjoy travelling alone, but what I didn't know was that it was addictive. I visited Udaipur recently. I was there for a family wedding. My whole khandan was travelling with me. Rajasthan was always there on my list of places I wanted to travel alone. And it kind of happened that way. Family people had already seen Udaipur and places around the city, thus it was just me who was left, and I was glad for that.

While travelling around the city, and outside too, while sitting alone in the car, while looking at the endless empty road ahead of you, while seeing the deers and leopards passing by, while watching monkeys to prepare to attack on any food they spot with you, while looking at children playing in the villages you pass by - you are searching for yourself everywhere. You are trying to fit in there. You wonder where you belong, what do you want, why are you doing what you are doing right now.

And I realise that things that make me happy and things I think that make me happy are different. Things, people who really make you happy never let you down. No, it's not about fulfilling fancy expectations, but it's about understanding you and your requirements, it's about accommodating you too in their small space, it's about accepting you as a part of them. There are no excuses and conditions. That's why happiness can easily be fulfilled when they depend on things and not people.

I felt happy when I was travelling on those endless roads. I felt connected to myself then. I didn't want the journey to end. But like every other good thing, that ended too, but for time being. Will I value it as much if I get it all the time and whenever I want it? I doubt I will. It has to be earned.

I feel happy when I write. It can be about any mundane topic, it can be extremely lame or smart, funny or philosophical. I can write something every single day. Here, on this space. This feels like home now. It's been my home for four years. It has me. It has a soul, just like mine. It has given me hope, happiness, heartbreak, dreams, love and hatred. It's just like life, created by me, with my words, and people.

This post was supposed to be a kind of travelogue, but it ended up somewhere else. I am anyway not too fond of travelogues. Or maybe I am. I have never really given it a thought. What makes you happy? Do you know it already or you are yet to find out? For me, I think I have found one of the things that makes me happy. But there is still a long way to go. Rather, many miles to go. I will sign off with my favourite picture. It was taken recently in Kumbhalgarh, Rajasthan.