Backspace makes us good writers. Or maybe lousy ones. The words erased were probably the best we had written. But they no longer exist. Or the ones that replaced them become our best work. Who knows.
This post almost seems like a comeback. Almost because I have been writing elsewhere. And reading a lot too. Now some other place is home. More than a home you can say. So much happened over last two years. People left, new ones came in too. Some made me a better person, while for some, I became the bad one. Things change. Situations change. Circumstances change. People change.
On a second thought, is change the right word? No. I think change is a very strong word one uses for humans. It's like taking away the right to be what you want to be. Let's replace it with a more positive and slightly accurate word to define the so called change - shift.
I am still the same person that I used to be. I adapted new things. I discarded the old ones. But in the essence, I am still the same old person I know and can relate to. Yes change is a strong word for improving one's self. Change is a strong word for standing up for yourself.
Then there are emotions. Emotions you thought never existed in you. Emotions you never thought you could feel or fight. People you never thought you could live without. And today you are doing just fine without them. And there are new people you think you cannot live without.
We live in phases. We be with different people in different phases. Close friends are not in touch anymore. The person you loved has blocked you everywhere. The person you once admired and was out of your league is now there for you unconditionally. Your happiness is everything to someone. To an extent that they buy something for you first when they go for shopping for themselves. You understand them so well that what they desire, you already have it for them. Small materialistic needs are taken care of even before they are demanded. Don't we all want and dream of such a life?
We invest in our relationships emotionally. It's the degree of that investment that makes all the difference. That's why some things always hurt you even after you claim that you have moved on. And some people hurt you in spite of not being in your life anymore. The hurt is worse if you are holding anger against them. Sadness is easy to deal with, anger is not.
It's funny how we feel so many things at the same time. It's funny how I end up writing such stuff every time I decide to write. I don't even know how I start and where I end. I think I should go back to my break phase.