Warning: This is a long and boring post. It doesn't have anything that will interest you in all probabilities. It's not even funny. It can't be, for I cannot write humour. Or maybe I can. People call my style of humour "Dry Humour". Usually not many people understand that. Thus it's a convenient term for people like me who like to be funny but are not really funny. Am I making sense? Do I ever? Haven't I lost you as yet? If not, then you might as well read the post!
A few days ago, someone told me that I was too self obsessed. It was more like a reminder than a realization for me. I am self obsessed to a greater extent. And I have said this on blog too. My status updates make it obvious as well. But so what? What's the big deal about it?
No big deal so far as I remain sane. In order to prove my superiority over others, I don't ridicule them. And I know too many conceited people who pull down others just to prove themselves the best among all. I am too impatient to deal with such sorts, but some people are too close to you to even ignore. I have dated extremely conceited guys. There came a point where I was known as a jerk magnet. I got this title a year ago, but I have been one since the time I started dating. I just never realized this or never wanted to accept it - either ways, that's how it has always been.
No, I have not been unlucky always, but on most of the occasions. My biggest problem has been that I cannot say no. I am that crazy, stupid, hopeless romantic minus the romantic bit who does anything and everything for the person she loves. And that's a very easy thing to do if I am with a simple person who is not a self proclaimed asshole. But me being me, I have usually ended up falling for an asshole. Not that I complain, for I don't think I can survive with a nice guy anyway.
Things go out of hand when one falls for a narcissistic asshole. Yes, I am narcissistic too. If you are lucky, you are friends with me on facebook. Yes? Then go and check my status. That shows the height of narcissism. But I do it purposely at times. Just to annoy some people. Attention seeking acts are more than the purposefully annoying ones, and there is no doubt about that; but I have never been an extreme narcissist.
Now, after encountering a few people (friends including) who had the extreme narcissism symptoms, I did a bit of research on this. And it turned out that there is something called as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). I read the symptoms and I could identify with those with respect to few of the people around me. And I was surprised to know that it was not something very rare. Not too usual either, but these people were not difficult to find. And what's worse, they were too conceited to even listen to someone who wanted to tell them that they were flawed, for they could never believe that. They were just perfect according to them, and that was their disease.
I have never ever written such a personal post here. But there are days when you want to vent out. You just want to write whatever comes to your mind. And this topic has been playing on my mind for years now. But I never thought of writing about it. I just started to scribble something random here, and while talking to you know who, I thought of this quote: "Some relationships don't work because both of them love the same person." and wrote the post.
If you know someone who suffers from NPD and that person happens to be someone close to you, especially your partner, then God bless ya!
Hmm, it's called toxic love with a narcissit and it can be seriously detrimental to your sanity. But remember, they are human at the end of the day and more flawed than most of us. Their relatiosnhips are doomed to end in heartbreak one day.ReplyDelete
Being a survivor of a NPD myself I know the road to recovery is long and hard but once you are done...Gosh, it's a great feeling! And remember : they lose YOU, not the other way around coz these screwed up people are incapable of love.
You will be fine, dear.
This has been an interesting read. I know narcissists. I don't think there's anything wrong with being one. Ultimately, humans are only out for their own good. It's instinct. And understandably so. I've always been one of those people who can't even stare at their own reflection for too long. Call me crazy. SighReplyDelete
"Self-obsessed" is the last word that comes to mind when I am thinking of the Neha I know. And know I her, pretty well! As for giving, you do give unconditionally, irrespective of anything. It is a wonderful and terrible thing. I know, I have been loved by you. But I know, from all your updates, statuses and ll those stupid sorts- what it tells about you is, you are witty- that's it. You are more selfless already than what other people strive to be. As for people who've had the honor of being with you, and yet not known your worth, I pity them.ReplyDelete
And Neha, I love you. Always.
Neha... I loved it ;) coz i felt as if am writing.. great!ReplyDelete
Hena. (See the similarity in names too... similarity or opposites...confused)
Hope you are feeling lighter with weight off your mind. There are many such persons and you are right that if two person with same qualities are partners, God bless them.