Sunday, January 08, 2012

Perverts, Go die!


Let me warn you before I start this post - Each word written in it is the truth, each incident/example mentioned here is my personal experience. After reading the post, if you think that I am sexist and talking like a feminist, then you are right.

I call myself a small town girl. And I have all the reasons to say so. I was brought up in a small town where everyone knew everyone. It was almost impossible to go unnoticed even while having a barf gola during summer vacations, as someone would spot you and tell your parents. People there were innocent, men looked at us like their own children, guys took care of us like they would of their own sisters; until hormones hit them. But even then they never misbehaved or told them anything directly as they feared that the relationship might get spoilt. 

After spending 15 years of my life, I shifted to Mumbai. From each and every known face around me to the most crowded jungle - the transition was not a pleasant one for me. Dad had given me one whole list of what not to do in the city; one of them being not talking to strangers.

After settling down in hostel, my life began in the mad city. First day of classes and I took a bus to my destination. Since the stop near hostel was where the bus started from, I didn't face any problem of rush. But while returning, it was pretty crowded. I somehow managed to get in and like many others, found some place to stand. After a few moments, I felt a hand brushing on my butt. I thought it would have been a mistake and thus ignored. After a few more minutes, I again felt a hand touching my thighs. This time I was frightened as I had never experienced such a thing in my life. I moved a bit so that I could avoid whatever and whoever was touching me. This time around, the same pervert pressed his body against me. I got so scared that I got down at the next stop and took a cab to the hostel.

I remember having a sleepless night and I was too scared and embarrassed to even share the experience with anyone. I didn't have class the next day which was a relief, but I knew I'd have to face the same thing again the day after tomorrow. Cab everyday was out of question because of long distance. It'd cost a lot of money and in hostel life is anyway not so comfortable that you can afford the luxury of hiring a cab each day.

Reluctantly, I discussed this with a hostel senior. I would cut the crap about our discussion, but she told me that it was a very normal thing and all one could do was to be careful as to where and how to stand so as to prevent such perverts from feeling you in such situations. I learnt the art pretty quickly too, but still they somehow found a way just to brush their hands at various parts of body while walking or getting down.

That was one of the incidences. Each day, so many females come across such perverts walking on the street. They touch on your thighs while walking, take advantage of the crowded places and purposely touch their shoulder to yours in the hope of touching boobs, some even pinch on boobs in crowd and no, this is not an exaggeration! This actually happens. 

I have even had people following me in lonely streets and empty subways of Churchgate station with their d!ck in their hands. Such a thing has happened thrice so far. Yes so far as I don't think such perverts can ever go off the streets. The reason is simple - we are too embarrassed to complain. And too busy to even care. We have become so used to such things that unless something major like an attempt to rape or actual rape happens, we will never raise our voice.

I have even come across so many autowalas who stare at women all the time through the rare view mirror. They touch their hands while taking/giving change, and they do it purposely. Some even pass by very close to a girl and take that exact cut where the girl is standing just to make her jump out of fear and laugh or lust at her.

I have been a "victim" of verbal sexual harassment at workplace too. I do not believe that sexual harassment has to involve physical assault. Talking dirty also falls in that category. I had to leave my job because my boss was a pervert who used to talk dirty with girls all the time in the name of "friendly environment".

So yes, men are perverts. And I am not a kind of feminist who will write anti-men posts and hate them. I love men, all the men I know, but I don't mind shooting such perverts whenever they misbehave. Filing a complaint? I think I will consider that option.

PS: People, I am not talking about guys in general here. It's a pity I have to clarify that after reading Sid's comment.

PPS: I was dressed in full clothes during these incidences. I never travel/walk on roads in my shorts or spaghetti tops. Thus your theory of - men stare as women wear revealing clothes stands bullshit here! 

33 comments:

  1. These are very sad incidents you mentioned Neha, but i would just object on one point. Not all men are perverts.

    The typically mentality of the people you mentioned wont stop by sending them in jail. You know we cant keep them locked up indefinitely and in most of the cases, the act of aggregation is directly reflected upon how their mother and sister is treated in their household. And their position in the house.

    This won't change until there is change in the perception on how woman is, rather, if you see. If you have a brother, he won't act this way, as he sees his sister as a person of equal.

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  2. Big city or small city, perverts are there everywhere..after joing my first job at hyderabad, I could visit my hometown only after 3 months. After all the travelling through hyderabad and bangalore(a mishap actually)and tamilnadu, when I fainally reached palakkad , in the ksrtc bus, a guy touched my buttocks and I realised "I reached kerala". Man, I just wish I could shoot all those bastards who have such nerve disease.

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  3. top of this, when girls get support in crowd, they don't raise their voice.

    and then keep crying foul all elsewhere. as if that will help.

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  4. Whatever Neha has written is true, and everybody knows it (boys and girls) or let me say men and woman.
    I think one of the reasons for this to happen is the close environment in which a boy in India grows up (protected and "guarded" by parents) When he finally gets to interact with the society (especially of the opposite sex) he goes haywire.
    As for Rickshaw drivers, the less said the better. If you have to complain about the R drivers in Mumbai, then you should see the samples here in Pune. And if you want to experience the extreme, then take a walk in Delhi after dusk.
    Boss. Yes that is one category who thinks he is the sole authority to do anything. I know of a girl who really belted out at the boss when she realised (and confirmed) that he was quitting the job (yes she had to wait till then, maybe for the fear of being harassed/troubled by the boss if she had to open her mouth earlier)

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  5. 1. when in public SHOUT at the miscreant.

    2. learn HINDI expletives.Must. (english ones don't help..Once i was caught in a situation.. where i abused in english and the rickshaw fella abused and threatened in hindi.. of which i hardly ever UNDERSTOOD any.)

    3. Be strong.Its not just Mumbai..its everywhere.You are talking to a victim.

    4. Be safe. :* Its a girl to girl advice..and for all the men 'advocating reasons' for this disgraceful act ..get a LIFE.

    xxx

    P.S. You are not a feminist. You are just losing your trust on men. Pray that you meet someone who rekindles the trust in your heart. :)

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  6. Hi Neha,

    I tried posting a comment on your blog, but blogger didn't open the comment box at all. Your experience is shared by women all over the country and age is no bar. In fact, even when you raise your voice and ask for support, no one opens their mouth or add a word of support. So most of the time the girl or woman keeps quiet. I have always been one of the vocal ones and create a scene no matter if I get support or not.

    What is nice to note in your post is that your anger at the miscreants has not made you hate all men. I have hope for this generation yet :)

    Love

    Zephyr

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  7. Hi there, it’s been a while since I’ve read your blog and today when I bumped here..this post blew my mind away not for the reason that this is something new but for the reason that it is an indication of never-ending stories like these in our society. I’m a little more than distraught with such malign acts of disgraceful men. This also makes me think about the root-causes of such incidences. The culture that we showcase to the outside world is it really the way we project? Mind you “culture” is a big word and a lot of things can be manipulated while you try to understand my point, but do refrain because I’m pinpointing on the gap that we have created between the men and the women. On paper, we might go ga-ga over our equality and our respect for the women, but how much does it matches to the real Indian society. What makes a total stranger touch a woman’s butt? From where does he gain such courage? Why even in a public place surrounded by 100s of people woman refrains from calling for help? Have we completely lost our trust in law and humanity? Do such pervert men really think an ordinary woman can’t stand against them? I must admit these bothersome alarming questions are erupting in my mind since last of couple hours after reading this post. Trust me it all will boil down to one reason that men think they are men and women is just …a women!! You might be gifted enough to be born and brought in a good educated family, you might have achieved the best of education to overcome such extreme dogmas of society, but outside your family will you assure that a richshaw-wala or that bastard in the crowd who touched a woman’s body had the same upbringing to give women the equal status. Beyond culture, it is in the environment where we do not feel safe, where we refrain from raising the voice and where we hardly trust the law. I do not say there aren’t perverts in the world, there are for sure, but it is the fearlessness that our environment offers provoke them to do such ridiculous inhumane acts. My apologies if you feel being a man I’m simply trying to advocate reasons for such disgracefulness as someone commented, but my intent is different. I'm glad you bring up things like these over a public platform and not just seek answers but also reminds the people of the darker side of our society that most of us keep forgetting. I truly appreciate it.

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  8. oye not many gurls are willing to share such incidents so make yourself a peg and CHEERS! wish all women came out and talked like you.about the men you talked about, no1 can change the way a person thinks.its downright ridiculous

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  9. Very well articulated Neha! I can understand very well as I have gone through similar incidences. Its disgusting. And you are right. One does feel embarrassed to mention such things to others.
    I would request you to remove word verification please!You can have comment moderation instead.

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  10. They are everywhere sadly! I get eye-rape each time in public transports as u said without revealing clothes. They can be really imaginative! Perverts. Its okay to be sexist in this, they deserve it. I find it really cheap and desperate for them to do so. Though not all men are perverts.

    Thanks for the wonderful write up!

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  11. I read one blog post of a girl, there she wrote , one man pressed her bbs in the street and he ran ...but she catch him and beat in his face with her footwear......while doing these things, the public watching all like a circus in the street...so pathetic

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  12. I'm a bangalorean and these things sometimes do happen. My girlfriend was also a victim of verbal abuse. That's why cops here set the party time limit to 10pm. This stuff usually happens only in developing countries like ours. I lived in juelich(germany) for a year and the situation there is pretty different. There are perverts there, agreed, but they dont dare to do anything there because they know that moments later, they ll be behind bars. The reason why this happens here is coz the mannerless jerks just dont care bout law or cops. Take it from me, the moment cops start throwing these goons behind bars for eve teasing, this stuff will stop ^^ . Blame it on the country. I'm serious.

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  13. I would say,you are brave to have described the incidents you have faced.A lot of girls dont and suffer in silence.
    Also, lets not think this happens in Mumbai only.It is just there every wher,all over.
    Yes,all men are not perverts.

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  14. It's nothing but the Indian culture. Women have been downtrodden in our culture for centuries and these people haven't learned. Vivek said something very true. It's basically because of the upbringing that most men in India recieve. Either they're used to looking at women as simply a sex object or they don't have the cultural backing to treat them as equals.

    Buy some mace and follow what Demure said. I do believe she would be right. And never be afraid to slap such a pervert right between the eyes in public. Do not be afraid to lash out.
    Our strange society needs this post.

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  15. Experienced similar things and yes, it's disgusting. I too have had to leave my previous job as my boss made advances towards me and when I complained against him, everyone turned against me. I stood my stand and left only after finding a better job with a reputed and big organization.

    Since in Delhi, I have been a victim many times and try to be safe and follow certain rules I have made for myself. Also, I carry a pepper spray which is always in my hands when I am walking/commuting alone, especially in crowded places. At any time that I feel a person following me or doing anything untoward, I shout at them. And I don't care what others may think.

    Get yourself a pepper spray; you'd feel more at ease when alone. And don't give a damn to such people. They are everywhere!

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  16. the first time it happened, I too was shocked beyond my wits, but the second time I glared and asked him to move away. It's so disgusting... whenever I recall my pinching incident, it drives me crazy in anger. well written Neha, very bold and well articulated.

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  17. Lot of actions here on comment page :) You know what I would say :)

    Take care

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  18. Very well said, Perverts Should GO and DIE!!!!!!!

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  19. Neha I hope this helps..2 years ago my husband bought me pepper spray. Most serious bikers have it. It's called Spike self defence spray. When sprayed for over a second in some perps eyes it renders them blind for 45 mins to 60 mins and they initially feel choked. No lasting effects or side effects though. I also carry a small knife and whistle. You also get Tazors in Colaba for 2500/- The past fwe instances in Mumbai and Delhi and other places as well has been quite scared. Which is a new feeling for me. Hence the precautions. I would also like to mention that though crimes against women in these are more promonant its not only the women but also young men facing issues of verbal and sexual abuse..
    Spike Self Defence Spray
    Manufactured by: Indent Group
    Bangalore
    Email:feedback@peppersprayindia.com
    9880161751/9886077701
    price: rs 290/-

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  20. What you say is absolutely true. I have faced this kind of brushing against the thighs, men trying to squeeze boobs and try to rub their bodies against yours especially when traveling in crowded trains and buses in Mumbai. These days I don't have to take public transport often, but perverts will stare or still try tricks. I keep a pepper spray in my purse and am willing to raise an alarm and attract attention. Once I had punched a man in his groin region in a bus too and turned around to give him angry looks. I think all perverts really must be sent to hell. And all women face this!

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  21. You are bang on about the experiences faced by women - and let me tell you Mumbai is still one of the better cities - try Delhi and you will understand what I mean. And the reason is also right - because we feel ashamed, even though we are the victims. The miscreants on the other hand, go back to their other pervert friends and BOAST about what they did! The ones who should be ashamed is just not!

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  22. Oh my God! I just so love your post!! Every word, every single word which you have mentioned, I can totally relate with it.
    Even I have come across such incidents. The Delhi Metros are no less, if by chance you stand there in the general compartment then you always find such hungry wolves waiting to squeeze and press against you.
    Its such a shame! Such perverts should actually be shot.

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  23. Hi There..have to come to your place after ages and found this post about incidents which nearly all women in India have experienced at least once in their life.

    I understand your pain, anger and frustration and share it too. I always wonder whether these men ever stop and think that some other man must be doing the exact same thing to their sister, mother, aunt or cousin.

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  24. Our embarassment and disgust keep us mum and that's exactly how these perverts hope it will be. We (and decent men) should get together in blogosphere and come up with a sensible and foolproof action plan that defeats these low lives. We should - along with lots of witnesses - somehow force the police to register cases of harassment. Fear of the law is the only way to make this creepy behaviour stop.

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  25. Neha,

    Read 2 posts now. Please do take care of your health even if it means visiting a doctor. It is a pity that even those who are witness to such unwanted uncivil behaviour of such persons remain mute looking the other way. I have not traveled by bus for a very long time ( though by Metro a couple of times where the crowd was unexpectedly well behaved ) but I do remember an incident which happened many years ago in a bus. A girl who was standing few persons ahead of me
    suddenly turned around loudly telling a youngman behind her " TUMNE TO MAZAA KAR LIYA AB MERI BAARI HAI " and she made a grab at his groin. That person turned red and started mumbling something like " BEHNJI, MAAF KARDO". Most of such persons are spineless and turn into jelly when faced with a strong girl who can speak their language. And that made a number of persons in the bus beat that youngman up.

    Take care

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  26. Hey Neha Told you this before, i love your blog! I've awarded you the Versatile Blogger Award. Check it out on http://aasheianaa.blogspot.com
    under the post tiltled "and then there was recognition"
    XOXO

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  27. Bravo! for voicing it out so bravely. The more i read your blog, the more i want to go on reading. And then i saw ur count of followers and blog posts...kudos...i think i have finally found a great blog and a regular blogger i can take inspiration from.

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  28. While as a man I do hate such men who do such things to women but I would like to bring to your notice (if you already do not know) that there are a LOT of women in this country who would like to be groped in public transport, cinemas and even in supermarket queues... Especially women who have their husbands beside them, for some reason they are all the more interested in being touched by a stranger in a public place... The reason I'm pointing this out is that I'm kind of troubled by the language you women have been using!

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  29. Unfortunate incidents like this do happen, I have stood up against them a couple of time, only to find the girl pacifying me and then I turning up to be the bad guy at times and at times the girl really thanking me for standing up. However add one more suprise to the list, I have found women groping young boys, I have experienced this in Mumbai once as a kid, who do I complaint to? I had to keep quite. My only take is , it is pretty evident when a molester approaches you, just be on guard and do not be a victim.

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  30. Problem with girls. .who go through such scenarious are......they dont take necessary action. ..i would rather suggest kick dem on there dick...when they try to touch u......but i know its not that easy as it sounds....but this is the 21st century and you need to show them that you are not weak........and guys who thinks girls attract perverts because of their dressing.......simple words fuck you......they have all da rights to dress in whichever way dey like.......so stop fucking using it as an excuse for your fucked up behaviour.........Damn Women are the most beautiful thing God has ever created....through them we get a chance to see this world.....they go through da worst pain one could eva imagine when dey give us birth........they need to be loved. ...respected......and taken care of....coz without them life would b horrible......

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  31. I want to make a short film on this subject can youll share your experiences and help me ?..
    Thanks

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  32. Also I would like to share my sexual abuse exp from childhood of which i was a victim-as i recall
    1. I think the very 1st 1 wud b whn i was may be 8-9 yrs old, my cousin's maternal uncle used to take me alone on rides nearby and press my small boobs tht time. Bt i did not knw what he was doing that time so small i was, now i feel like kicking him on his ass! I think i rem he used to even do dicking to me.
    2. Around same age thr ws a guy stayng upstairs thr time may b 20 yrs and me 8-9 yrs. He used to call me to play game at his house whn his parents were out, n whn i went he wud undress me, squeez me tits n suck them he even sucked my pussy fingered it n rubbed his dick on my pussy, he smooched me. N i swear to god i dint know wht all ths was n i wud think this is realy a game to b played as it wud give me pleasure. N he said ths is secret game dont let any1 knw abt ths it is between us both. Thankfully he dint try to insert himself in me n dint fuck me. He did this for several years n atlast i stopped it when one day i realized im big to know this!
    3. Again age 8-10 yrs, we had a driver who was very homely in my cousins house. He wud do all same thngs to me biting pressing n sucking my boobs. He used to even dry dick me. N one bad evng whn i went to cousins place he was alone i sat. He forcibly laid me down, started foreplay rubbing pressing my body, thn put my baby frock up n pulled down my panties. He starting sucking my pussy. Bt i was resistng him during all this, i was about to cry. He stil forced himself on me n strted to insert his dick in me. Nw i felt somethng ws realy wrong and phishy i yelled to hell i kicked him ran away n opened the main door, thankfully the nieghbour saw me n he stopped n was ashamed.
    4. Later my cousin brothr used to dry fuck me as he was small n evn i was small we used to enjoy it. I rembr of even he made me suck his dick once

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  33. 5. Years later all these bastrds were out of my life, i grew n used to travel by bus to college n part time job, in bus evryday some man wud touch or cross my body parts. N once a man stood right behind me sticking his dick. Initially i dint knw i felt somethng warm and very soft, i ignored as i thot wud b some lady. But later he started thrustng his dick on my ass ehich bcame hard gradually, later i turned n was shockd. I went away in disgust.
    6. Once a man in bus placed his hand on my boobs pretending he dint know n i was helpless n once one guy poked my boob, al the more many have dicked me in bus.
    7. Later yrs i ws 21-22 yrs, i had gone to a studio for photography portfilio. Firstly whn i had my changes, the photographer gave me space to change he went out n i started changing my top, n he just bumped in thinkng he wud find me nude, bt thankfuly i chngd withn secnds as i ardy had doubt on him. N yes while givng me several poses he touch me everywhere. N whn i fished n i was walkng out we greeted each othr thnk u, tht bastard greeted me by pressing my boob wit his shitty hands n smiled.
    8. Okay now, i had a boyfrnd who was a bastard who said i love u to me only to fuck me n i was so innocent age 21. He several times pressed my body kissed n ol. N one fine day he forced me to fuck him n evn i agreed. N after he fucked me n after tht nevr met n broke up wit me.
    9. Aftr tht i dnt hav bf, bt now im 25 n just last yr i made a frnd who was professional n i had work time with him. He married n first i thot hes a good guy. He wud flirt wit me in msgs but i ignored. Bt later once whn i went to his office for work, aftr talkng whn i had to leave he grabbed me n resisted. He startd directly kissng me. I resisted a lot bt dint stop. He pressed my boobs n necked md. He stared at me. Aftr a point i cudnt resist. I had to stop. He pushed me on wall n did whtevr he wantd n said i like u n stuff n please n all. N he squeezed me undressed me sucked me n kissed me all over. Bt i atleast dint let him reach down. Aftr tht i dint meet him n later he apologized. It was pleasurous for me honestly but a wrong thing in my heart n unwantd sex for me.
    These are all my utter true experiences n i request u neha to please publish my commnt as i want the world to knw wht a single girl can go thru in her life in 25 yrs only!

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