As usual an intense discussion about one topic with different people usually results into a blogpost. I met a friend a few days ago. She is around 8 years younger than me, but understands me better than most people of my age. We can discuss about every damn thing in this world philosophically, hypothetically, seriously and whatever other ways you could think of.
We usually meet at the same place, have same food/drinks mostly and talk about various things in the same manner. It was that very place where I had encouraged her to express her feelings for the guy she liked. After letting him know, she was too embarrassed to face him the next day. The guy ignored it as if nothing had happened and she realised that he was after all a jerk who couldn't even say no on her face.
We met again last week. She told me that it was a good thing to confess to your feelings to someone you like. But most of the times we are too scared to express what we feel. Because we cannot take rejection. What's the big deal if someone rejects you? How does it change anything about you? No I am not talking about some rocket science here, merely stating the obvious. Yet, it's that obvious we ignore because we are scared of this rejection even if it doesn't really affect our life. It does affect you if you let it. If you are going to feel depressed about rejection then you very well deserve it. Feel depressed if someone says yes, for it's going to take away your freedom, you know.
I have approached guys too. And I have been rejected too. I thought it would affect me, but it didn't. I'm still friends with them. In fact we are more comfortable with each other now. Right now at this stage I do not see them as my partner anymore. That's because of some reasons like preferences and circumstances. But I don't have the regret of not even expressing what I felt. I don't have to think about - I should have told him, how he would have reacted, how we would be right now and such jazz. Somewhere I'm glad that some said no. I do not picture us together now. All of us have changed with time. One of them said no to me because he was taken aback. After a few years he confessed to me that he did like me, but my step was too bold for him to take back then. No, I am not going to call him a jerk. That would be an insult to my temporary preference.
It's just plain stupid to keep quiet because you fear rejection. It has not yet resulted into one's death. People who claim to be shy are mostly the once who fear that they will get no as an answer. What's wrong with a no? If it turns out to be a yes, then wouldn't it be the best decision of your life at least for that moment? Learn to say what you feel. Life will be better that way.
It is true people are afraid of rejection and therefore do not express. In addition to that, it is the fear of how the other person will react is a big issue also. If the other person quietly rejects, it is fine. But what if that person announce to the whole world and bad mouth? That is the fear.ReplyDelete
I really needed to hear this right now. Thanks for writing this, Neha. :)ReplyDelete
I understand your point. But confessing is equally tricky. Once you express your feelings for someone, there's no going back to square one.ReplyDelete
The truth is out there for you and him to deal with in your ways, rejection or acceptance notwithstanding. I guess some people are too scared to move forward and want to maintain the status quo instead.
But of course this means you will stagnate in the same place forever.
the fear of rejection and the "rejection" itself has changed courses in life. You are one strong girl :) if you ask me I would still whimper before expressing my feelings :)ReplyDelete
But when you say it, it's over. No matter what the reply, the thrill of it is gone.ReplyDelete
I think we are all insecure in one way or the other. This is only reason why the relationship things takes its birth. Why cant we live by ourselves completely until the right moment comes. No, I am not saying to be the filmy guy?girl waiting for his Mr/Mrs. What I am trying to say it, if something is about to happen and you can guess it, test it, not once or twice but many times until you are tired of it. Then if the thing still survives, be bold and confess. Anyway Random Guy Random Thought. You can ignore it.ReplyDelete
To be true ,I have been a kind of person who can be tagged as "shy" in this case(yeah I confess I have a fear of rejection!).After reading your blog post I feel why shouldn't I give it a shot when I am going mad over a guy!worth experimenting and experiencing!Maybe,one of them would become the best love story ever!:)ReplyDelete
Nice post.An eye-opener for me!:)