Monday, March 12, 2012

Don't talk. Act too!

Too many things happen in life that make you happy, sad, frustrated, helpless, emotional, dead and such else. All of us have a different way of venting our emotions out. Some write, some talk to friends, some cry, some party, watch movies. I travel. I take an auto, and travel on Mumbai road. It relaxes me just like a good vacation.

I have seen many people start a blog under anonymity hood, for writing helps them. They write whatever they go through or gone through. One of the topics I have been reading about a lot these days - Domestic Violence. There was one article posted on the outlook site about the same (let me know if you wish to read it, I will give you the link.). I don't want to post the link here as I don't think it's a genuine one. Again, it's my personal opinion. I somehow didn't believe the story completely. It sounds like a bit made up story. Maybe it's easy to judge, but as a lawyer, I have come across many cases of domestic violence. Females have suffered for years, still suffering but they cannot raise their voice due to society and family pressure/reputation.

I don't consider such women weak. They have their reasons to be quiet about what they are going through or were going through. They have their reasons even when they write about what they are going through. But when you start writing about such things anonymously, or when you just keep abusing the family and act like a true feminist but never leave the abusive husband - that's where you surprise me.

Law has so many provisions when a lady is in an abusive relationship. You don't only get divorce, but you are entitled to get a house too along with maintenance money. The court even directs the husband never to enter the premises of the building the wife stays in if the wife has any threats from him. Then why can't one move out when one can write about that and abuse the family?

No, I am not saying that they should keep quiet. But talking that doesn't help in any manner whatsoever doesn't help either. You are discouraging others that way! Many females will make you a role model too, if you don't realize that!

What can be done about it? - First thing is financial independence. Second thing is to take out the fear of loneliness and rejection. Love your own life and things will fall in place automatically. Take legal aid. Free consultancy is available on helplines. Leave me a line, my mail id is mentioned in my blogger profile. There are plenty of sites and blogs to help you. Take the help, don't just yell. Don't bark and abuse. That too anonymously. You are making others lose faith too!

And please don't ever lie about what you have gone through or going through to get readers or attention. Domestic Violence is not as simple to write as you do. The one who has been a victim won't probably be able to write down the complete truth about it. It is too difficult to deal with it. Too difficult to face it. And all the more difficult to reiterate the whole episode. And if you abuse the abusive family you live with, you are at fault too at some point.

It's alright to be a coward, it's alright to run away, it's alright to be vocal, it's alright to leave the hell behind; but it's not alright to fake it or abuse it when you don't want to leave it!

20 comments:

  1. I agree with you on the faking part.As you have rightly pointed out, it is the financial security and the fear of an unseen and insensitive 'society', that deters women to take the decisive step.If there are young children they further complicate matters.The problem is accentuated in poor households where maintenance may not mean much.I have heard poor working women telling that it is risky for single women to stay alone in slums and they need the facade of a husband as security.Many suffer in silence.I am happy free helplines and legal help is available
    A good post

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  2. Well, yeah there may be reasons. Venting out may calm the hurt mind for a while. Who knows? Or is it to grab attention?

    The most intense thing can NEVER EVER be expressed; be it joy or sorrow. So I agree with you when you say the victim wont be able to write about the complete truth

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    1. No idea about the real intention behind such things.

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  3. It is sad that at least the educated ones cannot take decision if they are really wronged! Good writing Neha!

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  4. That's really a serious subject you have spoken about. Like you said, less talk and more towards getting out of that situation might help.

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    1. Each situation is different. we can't judge.

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  5. I suppose one does land in a situation when one wants to but prefers not to talk about.

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  6. really really sorry, but got no time to read this now. leaving work at the moment y'see.

    but gotta tell you- YOU ARE TAGGED! =D

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  7. I guess it comes down to the lack of awareness from the victim's side. They feel they have done something great by posting in public forum but the truth it doesn't help them in no way.

    As you have said they have to come out and think about the ways to face it legally. good post Neha!!!

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  8. Very well said... don't talk, just act!! Simply talking is like washing dirty linen in public... taking the step to stop DV or getting support is the need of the hour!

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    1. Yeah, agreed. Some people are publicity crazy though. We cannot help such!

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  9. hello neha, why u replied to all the comments ? That means you are not serious about the real issues ! Simply expecting yor friends comments about an ordinary writing. Try to react to the real issues of the women around you.

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    1. Erm, your comment doesn't make sense to me sir. What has replying to comment to do with the topic and issue?

      I don't claim to be an awesome writer. I write whatever I feel like. You can choose not to visit this place. Thank you!

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