Boring Calculations

No, this post is not about math or any other calculations. It's about my special calculations. I call them special as I am tired of using the word weird for myself all the time. Now weird is someone else. Yes, this great name has been given to my Farmville puppy. I need to feed this weird once in twenty four hours so that he does not run away. Sigh! Yehi din dekhne baaki the bas! I am not a farmville addict; I keep making guest appearances to that game. But that's altogether a separate story.

This post is about calculations - and a pretty boring ones that help me pass my time.

I love to travel. Be it by train or by road or a flight; I simply enjoy the journey. Given an option; I would travel by road; enjoying the sight, windows rolled down and breeze spoiling my hair, people passing by, scattered trees around, old songs playing in the background and food at roadside Dhaba. Ah, it cannot get better than that.

But the part that I enjoy the most during a journey by road is adding up those digits on car number-plate! The moment I spot a car, I start adding up those numbers. Oh it drives me crazy sometimes as I get really upset if I miss out on one car!

Initial half an hour to one hour I really control myself so that I don't start my calculations right away. Oh man it's an addiction - a dangerous one that too. Even if I get tired of calculating; my mind does not give up at all; as if my life is depended on it or my car won't move if I stop calculating!

And the train travel. You know, I keep looking at those poles that mention the kilometers. I observe the pattern to an extent that if there is a number missing in between, I get upset. Those poles have numbers like - 32/1, 32/3.....32/25, 35/0 Each pole has sub-numbers along with the kilometer digit. If this pattern is broken; I feel like getting down and make it appropriate! I used to remember where all the pattern is broken between Borivali and Churchgate. Now if i travel once; I will remember it all over again!

Not only calculations; but when I am walking in a mall or a station; rather anywhere where there are tiles; I make sure that I do not step on the crack if the tile is big enough! I carefully step on the proper square tile. If the tiles are small, then walk on the alternative tiles! I am damn weird people!

I once tried asking a family friend who happens to be a psychiatrist about these things. She said that I am obsessed with multi tasking more than anything else! I cannot only walk or travel. I need to do some activity; a proper activity. And since I love math; I do things related to calculations, or AP and GP, etc.

But, I think it's weird to be a math crazy to this extent. What do you feel?

My "LOVE" for Mills and Boon

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST (LIKE ALL MY OTHER POSTS) IS ABOUT MY OPINION ABOUT THE MILLS AND BOON BOOKS. IF YOU LOVE THEM; THEN PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM THIS POST RATHER THAN CURSING ME AT THE END OF IT. I AM NOT GOING TO ABUSE THEM; BUT I AM MERELY GOING TO EXPRESS MY VIEWS.

Those fans who are still reading this post, then blame this post on my blogger friends N, V and S as they encouraged me to come up with this one.

M & B - they are famous for their "fictional" love stories, mushy mushy take on almost everything from a hair pin to toilets to the girl's sandals and what not! All the things, features, characters are usually smooth as silk! Well not literally; but the explanation for each thing aims at one goal only - make it mushy and romantic.

And the characters! Oh my; they are so picture perfect. The guy is always very tall, way too handsome with broad shoulders, amazing arms, great body and extremely good at everything he does. The girl is usually the most beautiful lady alive (in all the books with different names), again blessed with flawless complexion, perfect curvy body, silky hair, blue eyes with a tinkle - deep as ocean and very prominent cheek bones (ah, don't we girls dream of this?).

In all the books; you will find more not less same characteristics in the characters. Roses and velvets spread all around the book; the perfect moon appears with a soothing breeze whenever there is a love making scene that goes overboard all the time. Mills and Boon books are grandfather of what Sydney Sheldon explains when it comes to erotica; as Sydney Sheldon uses around 15-20 pages on such details; while M & B uses 150 odd pages!

The story - The perfect guy meets the perfect girl; they have a perfect rosy rosy love story, their compatibility can give our gods and goddesses a run for their money. Something happens between them and they have to leave each other. And at the end they again meet and live happily ever after!

In short; M & B books are like our typical hindi movie stories minus the songs! There would at least be hundreds of M & B around; but almost all of them have the same story.

You know their worst impact? They actually make girls believe that there exists such perfect guy and they keep hunting for one until they meet one! Poor them; for they are unaware that such characters do not exist in real life.

Now before you guys jump from your seats and ask me why am I talking about the irony of girls only. The reason is that only girls read M & B. Even if guys do; they do not admit that they read them! Well, they are known as girly girly books; so that's obvious right?

Time for disagreement now. Shoot!

Honesty is not always the best policy

"Honesty is the best policy"

How many times you have got this gyaan from people around you? Well, they are usually right; but what they (conveniently) forget to add there is an asterisk sign (*) mentioning terms and conditions apply! It is not wise; rather it is the foolish most thing to do to be honest all the time.

For an instance; if your girlfriend asks you whether she is looking fat or not - can you give an honest answer? You can still be a little bit honest with your old wife; but not with the new one or the girlfriend. Rather; any negative comment about her clothes, accessories, looks, hair, tyre/s around her hour glass frame is a complete no no.

Another important thing - you can call it a tip too - Do not use the cliched statement of "there is more to love about you" for your girl when she asks you about her physical appearance!

You can never be honest in your job interviews. I think the image below will convey what I am trying to say more clearly:

Ah, do I need to say anything else now?

Honesty does not work when a traffic police catches you and you refuse to pay him 100 bucks to get away. Try being honest and you will have to spend a night in jail and pay 3000 fine for being honest. Tell me now; why will you fight against corruption and be honest?

But a man is dishonest in most of the cases associated with his wife. When our mother cooks awful food; we either do not eat or we crib non-stop. Try doing it with your wife when she makes a "special dish".

Are we ladies so scary? Any answer anyone?

It so happens that a very close friend of mine - S - is an "all the time jumping from one art to another" artist. And she is usually a disaster in most of the cases. Her experimental careers are painting, singing, jobs (yeah!), writing and what not. I have been fortunate enough not to have seen her art on papers so far; but she made me read a story written by her. Her characters were so confusing that they would be thinking themselves - what exactly are we? (Name not disclosed and gender changed to protect the person's real identity)

I can write five parts of this particular post; but I think I will stop here for now. If I have the mood; I will write another part soon! That reminds me; I don't think I have shared my weird mood swings with you guys; have I? Don't worry. It is not going to be only about getting angry or feeling lonely; but I am going to share my weird mood swings with you; again only if I am in the mood to write about it.

Indian outfits and Me

Our country is famous for its rich tradition and customs. And of course for beautiful women. A saree has always been an integral part of our traditional outfit for women. And don't they look elegant and gorgeous in those beautiful sarees? From a ten year old kid who wears it for school function to an eighty year old lady - saree makes one look simply beautiful. Even I manage to look quite decent in a saree! Ah, that's modest me.

But to be very honest for a change; if you see me in a saree, I look quite normal. But the moment I start walking; many eyebrows are raised. Not for my gorgeous looks; but for the way I walk!

I cannot walk with elegance no matter in what kind of an outfit I am in. That's why they say; it does not matter what you wear; the thing that matters is how you carry yourself in that outfit. And that's where I fail majorly!

Be it a saree, or a salwar suit; I walk like a Zombie in those outfits too. My mother tried buying me high heels so that I would at least be cautious while walking and that might make me look a bit more elegant; but I managed to run in those 5" heels to catch a local train. In the end she finally had to buy my excuse of "heels will cause me a major fracture".

But more than my zombie walking style that I do not care about; I am somehow not comfortable in traditional outfits as they make me either way too conscious or a bit too carefree. Weird but that is how I carry them.

My wardrobe usually consists of baggy tees and denims, I love faded clothes - older the better. Black is my colour. You will find every second tee or a dress black. I love tees with one liners. One of my favourite tees has a one liner:

You can't change a man unless he is in diapers.

Few more with such witty messages are:

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.

Such a beautiful day. Now don't open your mouth and spoil it!

The key to a successful relationship is sincerity. Once you can fake that; the rest is easy.

The best one that I have (in black) - in the front it is written:

Real men don't read instructions.

I have already done one whole post on the one-liners. So I will not mention many. But back to my topic after going round and round; I have a bit odd taste when it comes to clothes. Second and biggest advantage for my husband is that I do not take time while shopping. I shop when I need clothes. I buy 3-4 tees and a denim or two within half an hour. My stores are fixed; the size does not change and the patience level is almost zero too.

But again; it is a task for me to wear a saree when there is some wedding or pooja in the family. A married lady must wear a saree for such occasions and that too; a traditional kanjivaram saree - amazing combination one can dream of!

But the compliments do work on me at that time. So I somehow wear it and try to pull it off. People avoid walking with me when I am in a saree. They avoid walking with me when I am at my faded best too; but they cannot get away all the time right?

So anybody, fancy a walk with me this Diwali?

Calories - Your true lover

We see people ranting about how others take them for granted; boyfriend not loving girlfriend as much as she expects (or vice versa); how the price and expenses keep increasing and such. Various rants on various topics - depending on your standard of living.

Two middle class women will rant about how costly sugar has become or tur daal prices are ever increasing; while upper class ladies will discuss that their dog's appetite is decreasing. They bought only 10 packets of dog food instead of 15!

But one common thing that does not change on the basis of your class or standard of living is the over increasing weight. Each age group and class discuss this. They are worried about those always growing tires all around their body. Some go for a walk, some exercise, some do yoga and some crib. But they are always worried about those calories after they have consumed two samosas or three ice creams.

But these people have a logic too behind consuming those extra calories. Their determination wins over their guilt. They do compensate by walking for extra 10 minutes on treadmill; or by doing a few extra crunches.

We spend thousands in gym to reduce the calories; but a five rupees samosa makes us forget that thousand completely for ten minutes.

Lekin kya kare; these calories do not leave us at all. They always follow us wherever we go; waiting for us to grab a bite so that they can take over us. They are like those psycho lovers whom you cannot ignore until you die; as they are immortal.

But our nature is pretty strange. We envy those who are size zero by default. We pity those who are 100+ and sympathize with them even when we are just a ten kgs lighter. But; that's human right? How badly we crave for a cold coffee with a pastry or a cheese pizza while heading to the gym. How those lousy protein shakes get on our nerves every time we have to relish them for "our own good"!

Now Cafe Coffee Day has found out a solution for you. You might not be going there with the fear of building up a few more calories. They have a smart option to attract people. See the images below. You will know what I am talking about:

Interesting and smart; isn't it?

But it will at least motivate you to consume those extra calories and shed them by pulling the door! Wish it was so simple.

I am blessed with high metabolism. So you can imagine what I must be going through each time I am among those "khate-pite ghar ke log" physically!