Old Target, New Methods

This feels like a different life. So much changed over these years and yet everything is familiar. People have gone far by becoming easily accessible. Things were better when we could not speak with them every day. But now that we can do that, we don't. And what's worse, we don't even meet anyone anymore. Watching those reels is a better pastime than actually meeting real humans.

And yet we miss people. We want them yet we don't want them. We are overall more lonely. More depressed. More disconnected by being connected. You get to know that your erstwhile bestie became a mother through social media. Another one moved to a fancy country from her facebook wall. World is such a horrible place if you scroll through X timeline. Delete these apps and you live in the most ideal world. So what's causing chaos? People or social media? 

Ignorance is a bliss. You will be happy not knowing that Europe is burning every now and then. Or some grooming gangs have made things horrible for minors and young adults, while other gender related issues have again put women at the receiving end of men's fantasies. But the moment you open a social media app, you will be transported to the most miserable world that you have even seen. I am saying it from my experience of being on social media for long hours to completely disconnecting from it. Like, not even whatsapp forwards.

To think about it, this world has always been unfair to women. Earlier it was patriarchy, now it's gender game. Now you need to mention your pronouns everywhere so that it's easy for men to identify and mark you. Their target is the same that it used to be, and straightforward - cis women. And as always, women aid them in their own destruction. By letting them into their space. Just so that they are accepted. Accepted at the cost of their life and safety. 

Yes, it is a sad time and era that we are living in. I wish social media was never invented. But then, whether or not it was invented, we women have had it same. But we are fighters. Years of unfair life has made us survive somehow. This too, shall pass. We will struggle a few more extra years to find our place in the world, on the top position. But we will reach there. The new world is mean. But the world is lazy. 

Amazing how mind works. I started writing about something totally different and ended up some place else altogether. But that's how it is when you write what you think. And feel. It's good to be back here, writing again. If you think about it, this is a social media too right? Am I really away from it?

Imagine Falling In Love With Someone Who Does Not Drink Tea!

Writing here fees so different. Most of the times, I write on other website that I run. And when something does not fit there, it gets published here. My boss there is too hard to please. But that's another story altogether.

Our mind is one long-ass checklist. We almost always know what we want. Or what we don't want. Even when we say that we don't have any expectations, we have a list of what all qualify as "expectations" in our mind. And that's how our mind works. After all, not having any expectations is an expectation too, right?

Life works in a funny way. We have so many perceptions about so many things. We have so many reservations about how we want to live our life, or what kind of jobs we will never do. What will be our career choice. And so on. But when we hit the field, very small percentage of people get what they really want. Most of us end up with what we manage to get at the end of the day. Our choices are limited. Maybe because we lack talent. Or resources. Or both.

I tried my hands at CA, MBA, GMAT and what not. I wanted to work in a fancy corporate doing some fancy job in finance field. But I ended up in sales department in a bank. And from there I ended up being a lawyer. I did not even know if I really wanted to practice law. But there I was. Preparing for an interview in a law firm I knew nothing about. I borrowed a pair of formal clothes from a friend and went for the interview. And cleared. 

That's how my true journey started so far as my career was concerned. My initial plans of becoming a finance expert were nowhere to be seen. 

Not only career, but I got such surprises in case of relationships too. I still cannot answer what do I really want. But I did know what I did not want. And I almost always ended up with the one with the quality/qualities I did not want. Most of these things were not so important as tea. Tea is such an important part of my life. Whoever knows me knows this. And I would always say this to my friends that I cannot imagine dating someone who does not drink tea. I mean, I just cannot picture someone I like not liking tea. 

And guess what happened next?

And You Shot Them Dead

She did not call you first, because she did not have confidence in you. She knew you would not believe her. Or help her. You would question her character instead. Thus she chose to trust those strangers because, anyone but you. And you shot them dead.

When they were raping her, you were suggesting the exact same things she was expecting you to say. That she may have eloped. Don’t worry she will come back when she realises her mistake. They raped her. And you shot them dead.

They were 4, she was alone, in the middle of the night. They raped her again and again. They killed her so that she would not testify. And you shot them dead.

They hurt her. And burnt her alive. So that they would destroy any evidence. Or just for that sadistic pleasure of watching her die. We may never know. And you shot them dead.

You arrested them in a day. After being the reason behind her death. Had you believed the victim’s family, maybe she would have been alive. Or maybe not. We may never know. And you shot them dead.

You took them to the crime scene. In the middle of the night. Maybe so that it would be easy to kill them without anyone watching? Or maybe you simply wanted to show your efficiency after your blunder. We may never know. And that’s precisely when you shot them dead. In the middle of the night. Just so that you don’t have to answer awkward questions. You killed criminals by becoming criminals yourself. Will we ever trust you? No. Because for you, we will always have eloped when our family will come in the middle of the night to file a complaint. Because, who will go to look for a girl at night? Why will she be out at night? Bloody characterless whore. And we will continue to get raped. And killed. And you will escape from every crime that you will commit. Every crime that you could have avoided. And lives you could have saved. But you decided to shoot them dead instead.

I am not a traveller

Note: It's just a rant post.

I don’t call myself a traveller. I like to travel. And I travel a bit more than a normal person. But a lot less than a full time traveller. I am quite happy, content and slightly proud of the places I have been to. Over the years, I have come to realise one thing.

I don't remember destinations on the basis of popular places there. For eg, I don't remember a hillstation for that popular waterfall, or a city for some monument. To me, most of the memories are associated with either food or some random places I happened to discover.

Or even a random memory I associate myself with, or some mindless bargaining to buy something really small. When I see people going to places I have already visited, I so badly want to recommend them places to eat at, dishes to try in that particular restaurant/thela.

Or buy that small piece of souvenir item outside a touristy destination, or go for a drive around that place and try to find some breathtaking landscapes. My association of any place is connected with these small small memories and experiences. 

I don't remember the popular monastery of Coorg, but I do remember making up stories about Tipu Sultan's loo since we were bored of hearing his stories everywhere we went. I don't remember Burj Khalifa or Dubai mall or aquarium. but I do remember staring at that fresh bun at Papparoti they made right in front of me and served me in the same tray. Or that thai meal at Benjarong. I don't remember many attractions of China or Hong Kong. But I remember going to a public swimming pool and sitting at the stand, staring at all those swimmers - oldies and kids - for hours. And I remember not being the only one to do so. That's the pastime of many people there. They come. Sit in the stand. Watch. Leave.

I don't remember how I felt when I saw the Eiffel tower at night for the first time, but I remember bargaining for those Eiffel tower keychains and magnets. I remember meeting an Indian guy selling them. 15 keychains for 2 Euros was a kickass deal. 

I don't remember what I did in Shimla. But I remember where I had chhole kulcha. Or that awesome meal in a very cool cafe in Kaza. Or wai wai in Sikkim while missing Maggi. Or using landline in Nubra Valley where there is no other network working. Yes, I do remember watching Northern lights. But what's more clearly etched in my mind is, in the middle of Iceland - the most unlikely place to have someone speak in village gujarati. Or meeting an Icelandic lady on the flight that was delayed and have us dropped just in time for our lights chasing tour. 

No, I am not a traveller. I am not even an explorer. I am just a curious soul that happens to find right things at the right time. Well, not everything is right, or pleasant. But they are still there. Reminding me of little moments of happiness every time I hear the name of that place. 

I want to go back to all those places. But only if I could relive all those memories all over again..

New beginnings

Life has been good to me overall. Especially from this side of the fence. If you asked me about how my life was 15 years ago, I would have cribbed about a lot of things. Be it dating or falling in love with wrong guys, or making wrong choices. Rather, choices that seemed wrong then are right now. 

I have had a not so rosy life. From starting to earn and finance my studies after 12thexams, to choosing wrong partners all my life – I struggled. I fell down. Failed miserably. And got up again. Broken, but not undefeated. I never really gave up on life. People came into my life. Walked all over me. Tried to break my spirit. But my spirit is a tough bitch. Tougher than I expected it to be. It got up every time and joined the fight.

After all this, I realized that there is no point in sulking about anything. You cannot let people defeat you every time. You cannot let them break you. You cannot let them win. And for that you don’t have to defeat them either. You just have to win your own battle. You have to stand up for yourself. Respect your own self. And that will make all the difference.

It all started very late for me. I took hasty decisions at the time when people are busy studying or shaping up their careers. I was living in a fantasy world then. And I continued doing so for years. By the time I decided to make amends, my friends were already making a six-figure salary. I felt like a loser back then. Did I regret my past? No I didn’t. And that was my first victory. I did not let that past affect me. 

I started everything from the scratch. I started building my life from the beginning. Brick by brick. Pillar by pillar. Wall by wall. I would see my friends travel to Europe and think if I would ever visit those countries. I started fulfilling my dream of travelling by going for short trips. Within one state. With a budget under 10k – something that I could afford. At times, I would think about leaving my business and start working somewhere. That comfort of fixed salary was too tempting. Those Eiffel Tower pictures would make me crave for that life. 

But I didn’t give in to the temptation. I did not give up. Yet again. The inner bitch won yet again. From under 10k budget to longer and better trips started taking place. Slowly it grew from India to other countries. I started ticking off things from my bucketlist one by one. I was damn nervous when I applied for Schengen Visa. I never believed or expected that I would ever get a visa to any country. But here it was. A small thing for many, a huge deal for me. For what I was and what I had become. I had travelled far. And it was no small feat. When I witnessed northern lights on my birthday last year, I realized how good life has been to me. 

From there, to today when I have moved to my own apartment. No, I didn’t buy it. You cannot afford a house in Bombay anymore unless you take a hugeass loan and are ready to stay indebted for most of your life. I cannot live under the burden of loans. But having my own space means a lot to me. I fought against all odds and reached here. Again something I never thought I could achieve. People and experiences killed my belief in myself. I was foolish enough to let that happen. But I was also wise enough to come out of it and changed it.

Only you can decide your life and what you want to do with it. Listen to others. But don’t be blinded. Don’t ever lose faith in yourself. You are the good and the bad in your own life. The day you give this power to someone else, you start losing your battles. But remember, even that’s not the end of your life. Every point can be a new beginning if you want it to be. Every point can be the end of everything if you let that happen.

I am writing after almost a year. It feels good to be able to write what is going on in my head. I feel powerful again. And I am still melodramatic about these things. Some things don’t change. Thank god!

Hampi - A Dream Destination That's Actually A Nightmare

No, don't get me wrong. The place is beautiful. It's full of history, culture (both ancient and current) and traditions. Probably the only city full of temples where most of the atheists pay a visit. Okay, it's a lame line. But I cannot help it. I am writing after almost a year.

Let's concentrate on Hampi for now. A city of ruins, they call it. And it is indeed one. As soon as you enter the place, you get very calm vibes. Something that you feel in a temple. Something that you you feel at a holy place. And yet something just does not feel right. Let's come to that later.

The place welcomes you with greens (thanks to ongoing monsoon even in October damnit!) and rocks and structures. Every damn corner has some unfinished structure made from stone. And mountains are a collection of rocks. They seem to be leaning on one another. Like you move one and the entire lot will fall down and create another mountain? Yes, that's how they are. Naturally organised. Systematic. 

Hampi is vastly divided in two parts - temple side of the river and the other side of the river. Temples or ruins offer you a historically rich and ancient experience, while the other side is called the hippie island. Temples. At least 10+. The ruins. Built in 14th century. 15th century. Weathering. Yet standing tall. And strong. You fall in love with them as soon as you set a foot inside. You marvel the art and the artist. You want to capture everything. You want to absorb every corner. You want to know and see more. You enter the temple. 

And that's when things start going crazy. Batshit crazy. Like, literally. As soon as you enter the temple, you are greeted with bat shit and piss odour. That smell is so strong that you just cannot stand inside for more than 10 seconds. In some of the temples, you are even greeted with human shit. I could not enter a single temple because of this sole reason. It broke my heart. Something that's so precious, so ancient, and we don't even value it.

So yes, Hampi is all about appreciating the outer beauty. Appreciating those ancient stone structures crumbling. And people harping on them to get clicked. And it's not a pretty sight. As much as I had waited for years to visit these ruins, I was more eager to leave from there at the earliest.

If you ask me whether or not you should visit Hampi? Hell yes, you should. It's a wonder. The overall beauty is mesmerising. Coracle ride is an experience to remember. Rivers and greens and stones and mountains and roads - everything together makes Hampi a beautiful painting.

Tip - Try to take shortcuts and walk as much as you can to go from one temple to another if the path is passing by the river. You will come across some beautiful trails. Like the one we came across to go to the most popular viththala temple. The rocks that you see, you walk on them. You climb and cross small hills. You come across some more ruins. Abandoned temples. This entire experience is something else.

Now let's move to the other side of the river. The Hippie island. Now, this place came as a shock to me. I was expecting it to be a normal area with a few hotels and guesthouses here and there and a cafe or two serving regular food. But Hippie island lives upto its name. Cool and laid back cafes, bakeries, awesome food, easy to score nooks and corners and everything else that you would like on a holiday.

I had my fair share of good and bad food experiences. The most popular laughing buddha cafe was one of the most overrated places there. While the view is awesome, you will get the same chilled out vibes at other places, with far better food and services. By services I mean that if other cafes take 40 minutes to get you a sandwich, Laughing Buddha will take over an hour for the same. But it's the most popular place among Foreigners.

My favourite place was German Bakery. Awesome food, happy people and mattresses you can lie down on after a hectic day of roaming around the town. The evening when I went there, every table had a beer bottle and every second table had weed. The guy there was pleasantly shocked when I ordered for a hot chocolate (which was bloody brilliant) instead of beer. Advantage? He remembered me and would joke around every time he passed by our table. Yet we didn't get our order fast enough. No complaints though.

Another good place was Chilled out cafe. So, here's the thing. You get non-vegetarian food and alcohol only on the other side of the river, ie Hippie island side. Temple side serves only pure vegetarian food and no beverages. Chilled out was an exception. It served eggs, if no meat. And you are still allowed to smoke pot there.

Before I sign off, when you plan to visit Hampi, go with an open mind, don't expect too much from the ruins, carry mosquito repellant and brush up your bargaining skills. It's a safe place for women solo travellers. Food is so good that you don't have to carry thepla there. They will go wasted. And have hot chocolate at German Bakery! 

Here are few more pictures of the place. I am not a dslr photographer. I click on my phone and yet they are bloody brilliant pictures. Yes, I take the full credit.

Only this picture is not clicked by me. But well, it has me!

Bahubali 2 and the political drama surrounding it

I loved Bahubali 2. It's a grand movie. Indian cinema finally took chances, spent money without thinking about all the risks and produced a movie which was a great feat to say the least. The movie truly deserves all the success and attention it is getting. But things are going out of hand. I am also a supporter of BJP and a supporter of right wing ideology. Now that we are clear about my political stand, let's talk about some logic.

Whatever happens in the country these days, gets automatically linked to politics. If Arvind Kejriwal sneezes, he goes, "Modiji ne mere ghar me dhool mitti daal di kyun ki unko pata hai mujhe dust se allergy hai." If not him, it is his supporters. Or "Republic channel bas right wing agenda peddler hai. Neutral media naam ki cheez bachi hi nai hai." And "Hey bro, how many RTs to get killed in a riot? 2002. LMAO".

The movie Bahubali is experiencing something similar. All of a sudden, I see a lot of people calling it a right wing movie. Now wait. Which part did I miss of the movie that mentioned anything about right wing ideology? I am sure about not missing anything as I sat through even the 45 minutes of ads playing even during interval. (PVR you horrible shit! Nor am I a fan of Prabhas. I wrote Prajas first and then Googled his name. See!).

The movie promotes Hinduism. There is one song dedicated to Krishna. And there is umm well (No mind, don't think about animal sacrifices and human tortures. That was in part one okay?) yeah, another song in such a grand movie about just Hindu beliefs.

Okay, let's explore another angle, that Of the leading ladies of the movie and their characters. Devsena and her fierce side. Shivgami and the natural leader that she was. Hindu names. Not only names, even see glimpses of Mahabharata backdrop in the movie. Wait, what? Where did that come from? Politics? Brothers fighting? That makes it a right wing movie?

Cool. Let's buy that logic. Have you watched Rajneeti? The movie is based on Mahabharata story too. Characters played by lead and supporting actors reflect traits of Mahabharata characters. You see glimpses of Karna in Ajay Devgan, Duryodhana in Manoj Bajpayee, Arjuna in Ranbeer, Krishna in Nana Patekar and Kunti in (I don't know her name) lady who played Ajay Devgan's mother. But wait, isn't it a political drama? But Mahabharata backdrop is there too. Ah! right wing movie.

But but, didn't Katrina play the role of Sonia Gandhi in the movie? Isn't the parallel story based on Gandhi family? Didn't you see similarities between Ajay Devgan and Mulayam Singh Yadav (Wrestler, natural leader etc etc.)? Not that he played his role, but he did take some inspiration from him for sure.

Shit. A right wing movie about a left party? How is that even possible? What to do now? Call Mahabharata left wing? What is Bahubali then? Something created to repair the damage of Rajneeti? 

Ugh. It's suffocating to have everything around you being bifurcated on the basis of political inclination. You can't appreciate a movie if it's about some political ideology. And the internet makes sure that you hate it if you are in the opposition. 

No I don't think that Bahubali is a right wing movie. There are thousands of movies just based on a particular religion. They are about religious beliefs. And that doesn't make them political. The funny thing is, there are some right wing websites that are posting one article each day to prove how it is a Hindu movie. Wake up people. Mahishmati is a fictional backdrop for God's sake! It has got nothing to do with Narendra Modi or Bharatiya Janata Party. Or any other wing for that matter. It is just a story with war backdrop. There is a good king and there is a bad king. And they are cousins. Good king doesn't have five brothers. Bad king is very much like Duryodhana, but that's that. It's just an inspiration taken from one character just to make him that evil brother. Just to make the character more believable. And that's about it.

Things have come to a point where my libtard brothers are scared to admit that they liked Bahubali. I feel ashamed to claim that my ideology people are adamant to prove that this movie belongs to our clan. 

Dear idiots, please stop making a fool of yourself by coming up with such logics. Let entertainment be free of agendas. Life is anyway fucked up because of politics even in the kind of transportation you take. Spare something for the sake of sanity.

Change is such a strong word for humans!

Backspace makes us good writers. Or maybe lousy ones. The words erased were probably the best we had written. But they no longer exist. Or the ones that replaced them become our best work. Who knows.

This post almost seems like a comeback. Almost because I have been writing elsewhere. And reading a lot too. Now some other place is home. More than a home you can say. So much happened over last two years. People left, new ones came in too. Some made me a better person, while for some, I became the bad one. Things change. Situations change. Circumstances change. People change. 

On a second thought, is change the right word? No. I think change is a very strong word one uses for humans. It's like taking away the right to be what you want to be. Let's replace it with a more positive and slightly accurate word to define the so called change - shift.

I am still the same person that I used to be. I adapted new things. I discarded the old ones. But in the essence, I am still the same old person I know and can relate to. Yes change is a strong word for improving one's self. Change is a strong word for standing up for yourself.

Then there are emotions. Emotions you thought never existed in you. Emotions you never thought you could feel or fight. People you never thought you could live without. And today you are doing just fine without them. And there are new people you think you cannot live without.

We live in phases. We be with different people in different phases. Close friends are not in touch anymore. The person you loved has blocked you everywhere. The person you once admired and was out of your league is now there for you unconditionally. Your happiness is everything to someone. To an extent that they buy something for you first when they go for shopping for themselves. You understand them so well that what they desire, you already have it for them. Small materialistic needs are taken care of even before they are demanded. Don't we all want and dream of such a life?

We invest in our relationships emotionally. It's the degree of that investment that makes all the difference. That's why some things always hurt you even after you claim that you have moved on. And some people hurt you in spite of not being in your life anymore. The hurt is worse if you are holding anger against them. Sadness is easy to deal with, anger is not.

It's funny how we feel so many things at the same time. It's funny how I end up writing such stuff every time I decide to write. I don't even know how I start and where I end. I think I should go back to my break phase.

About Inspiration etc.

Inspiration is such a strong word. It's like doing all the amazing work yourself and give the credit to someone else. Well, that's one way of looking at it. Had it not been for that inspiration, you might not have done that work at all. But is it so? I think not. Something just becomes a medium and you make a big deal of it. 

I have heard this so may times about blogging - I have not been regular as I have lost interest, or there is no motivation anymore. What was that factor that made you write a blog? Do you remember writing your very first post? After publishing it, you may have posted the link on every social networking site, or just pinged your friends on gtalk and asked them to read and comment. Or you may simply have published it under an anonymous name and made sure your friends/family never found out about your blog. 

The way you felt back then while writing the first post and how you feel now while writing one is totally different. When you started writing, you never expected to become so popular or so lost among many popular faces. You never thought you would get so many comments, or you never thought you would be disappointed as not a single person read what you wrote with so much of heart and soul. And yet to write. With the hope that next post will be loved by people. But the frequency reduces. The show becomes less frequent due to the lack of audience. Or maybe not. You keep writing without bothering about such things. But then whom are you writing for? Yourself? Then why not in a more private space? Why a public blog? Why not on a piece of paper or in a diary or in a word file?

I ask myself this often. Why do I write? I love to write, but more importantly, I have fallen in love with the idea of writing that reaches so many people through various mediums. Sharing what I think liberates me. It makes me feel closer to myself. I like to go back to my old posts and read what I wrote a few months ago, a few years ago. The kind of language flow I had, the kind of words I used, my emotions, my opinion, my point of view - everything was so different. I can see myself growing as a person. I can see the difference in Neha a year ago and this Neha. Some things have become better, while others, worse. But they have not been the same. People who used to irritate me a year ago are now dear friends. People whom I loved have become strangers. 

And these emotions, these patterns and these incidences are recorded. Noted. Right here. Six months down the line when I read this post, I will remember what exactly I was going through while writing this post. There is a dilemma that won't even be existing then. I will be laughing about it then, or maybe I will regret about something I should have done and didn't do it. Nevertheless, this phase will seem a lot easier and smaller compared to what I am feeling right now.

Did something or someone inspire me to write? Well, if you call curiosity an inspiration, or shit phase a motivation, or boredom an excuse then yes, you may do so. I think these are just the fancy names we give to something we would do otherwise too if it was a necessity. Keeping a role model is at times just a backup that we choose to fall back. If we cannot repeat the same thing again, or cannot get the same success, we can always get rid of the responsibility by passing the blame buck on the inspiration. Or distraction. Maybe it's the fear that stops up from taking the full credit of our success. 

I do call people my inspirations too. When I want to make them happy. Or to get some work done. It works for me. And them as well. They get motivation. You get good work. Everyone is happy.

Don't waste your time behind the wrong ones. Move on.

We humans are probably the most unsure specie around. We are never completely sure about what we want. Even when we are, as soon as we get it, we start chasing something else. We hate monotony. We hate boring life even more. How we judge people by how boring or interesting they are. Have you ever met someone who was so boring that you slept through the conversation, and met him again next time? I am sure his number is now saved as "Don't answer".

We judge people all our lives. For their looks, their qualification, their salary, their family and what not. Oh he is 27 and doesn't even earn 3 lacs a month? When I was his age I would make double the money. How can a good looking girl (for guys, every girl they are talking to is by default good looking) like you can date such a fat and ugly guy? The list goes on!

I won't deny being this shallow too once upon a time. But that was when I was stupid. And young. And slowly I learned from my mistakes. I grew up. But some people around me never did. For them looks, success etc still matter more than anything else. They are way too pompous about what they are. And they are always on their toes to pull others down. 

I love self made people. But as soon as they become braggers who start pulling others down (which they claim that they deserve to be so), they are the biggest turn offs. Worse than those living off their parents' money.

Thankfully these are not the only people who exist. There are selfless people too. Who help you and stand by you without any motive, without any expectations. They can do anything for you just because they want to. Just because you matter. Just because they love to. They are made of some different metal. And that is what makes them special. 

And then you take a weighing scale. You measure them. And you realise why you prefer the humble ones more. Why the asshole that you are attracted to will always be your bad decision. Why you need to break free and choose what's right. His achievements sound good to your ears. But they leave your heart empty. You keep looking for them among their achievements, but can never find them. You end up getting lost in their success. 

The other ones just keep waiting for you. Till they can take it. After a point, they move on. When you look behind, they are watching over you, but cannot come to you. You have lost an important part of your life behind the wrong one. Damage control? Maybe, maybe none. Regrets? Plenty.

Every bragger has some traits. Read them in time. Realise what's good for you. If it gives you pain, quit. It's okay to rot alone than to rot in his shit. It won't look pretty after a point. Others' shit never does.

Must Do Things When You Travel Solo

Being a girl, I just can't pack my bags and leave for my favourite destination solo. I have to think about thousand things. Safety, Comfort, Baggage, Destination, Hotel, Flights, Transportation - phew! But there be nothing more fulfilling than travelling solo. Travelling bug bit me four years ago when I went for my first solo trip. Since then, I have been to numerous destinations.

First solo trip. I was excited. And scared. Clueless. Worried. I would google things to do, things to be careful about, where to go and what to avoid every hour. I had made a list of things I would need, numbers that would come handy, hotels and restaurants around the area. Yet I missed out on a lot of things. I overpacked, forgot to carry important stuff, ended up losing safety kits because I was carrying chilly spray and swiss knife in hand baggage (duh)!

Next time, I was careful about those mistakes. And ended up underpacking. (Another duh!) After five odd trips, I mastered the art of getting everything perfect. There are a few things that you must do and must remember.

1. Packing Hacks: Pack light. And by light I don't mean less number of clothes. Always keep separate set of clothes for travelling. Pajamas, track pants and t-shirts are a must. For a winter place, carry more number of tshirts instead of packing a lot of sweatshirts and thick jackets. Layering helps in fighting cold more than one or two thick clothes. Keep a separate travel kit consisting of a toothbrush, paste, shampoo sachets (never carry a bottle. I have faced problems of bottles leaking, that leading to spoiling my entire suitcase), soap/body wash, earbuds, safety pins and nail cutter ready and always check and refill it before every trip. Keep extra plastic bags with you. They come handy to carry dirty clothes. There are some more packing tricks that will help you for sure when you travel next time - for work or leisure. Read this to get some cool tips about packing: bit.ly/Ginger-Packing-Hacks

2. Airport Security Hacks: If you are aware about your travel plans well in advance, you get cheap flight tickets these days. Flights save time, they are convenient and safe. But how many times have you lost your possessions at the security check in? That expensive Swiss knife you bought right before travelling alone and those check-in dudes confiscated it? Or that half finished coffee you had to dump in the bin at 5 am before boarding the flight. Here are some things you must remember to avoid security checks hassles: bit.ly/AirplaneHacks

3. Let your phone guide you: We are one blessed souls. Today the entire world is accessible to us just on a click. We can do without humans but not without our phone. And rightly so. Especially when you are on a move, and in a new city, phone becomes the most important companion for our every need. Again for that you must know the right apps. For hotel booking to flight bookings, to eateries to places to visit - everything is right there if you know the right platform to refer to. Here is a list of some of the apps that you must have when you travel. PS: Don't forget to keep your phone charged. bit.ly/MustHaveTravelApps

4. Choose the best hotel: After all, you travel because you deserve that break. And while you make most of the break, make sure you choose your comfort wisely too. We usually end up underestimating this aspect when we travel thinking that we will anyway use the hotel to sleep in. But after going to ten different places in a day, your mind and body require rest and comfort. 

Another very important thing to check before booking a hotel is their laundry service. Yes. Laundry. Because if you want to travel light, you need to re-use your clothes, and for that you need to get the used ones washed. Or how to get rid of sweaty smell from your everyday wear like hats and gloves. Watch this short video to find answer to all those awesome and useful tricks and tips.

I so wish I knew about these things before. But well, I did learn in time. And I am going to save you trouble of learning these on your own. Just follow these tips to make the most and best of your travel. But  do travel. Travel smart. And travel safe.

Happy New Year indeed

As soon as a new year starts, it feels as if it's never going to end. Towards the year end, you feel that the year flew by. Do we ever have a normal life? A life where things are just there. A content feeling. Or maybe very boring one.

And those endless resolutions. Problem is not making or breaking them. Problem is remembering them. That reminds me about how I don't remember things anymore. Actually it has always been like that. I don't remember good or bad stuff that happened in a particular year. I don't remember my school life. WTF did I do in college? No idea. Law school? Did I even attend one? But yes, I remember what I studied there. I don't remember history or maths. I don't use them in real life. But I remember laws. My mind is a smartass. Remembers what's required.

How was my 2015? Fuck no idea except that I took 8 vacations to 8 brilliant places and 1-2 more trips here and there. Tomorrow is just another day of this life. Happy new year? Sure.

A world without names

Imagine a world without names. Nothing has a name, an identity. To communicate to someone, you have to tap on their shoulder, or wave your hand rigorously. The one you hate will not have a name. Just a face. You have to touch him to tell him that you hate him. Expressing your love will always be special and personal. You won't be able to gossip about anyone. Reveal any secret. 

Imagine a world without names. All your destinations will be called nowhere. And everywhere. Every fruit will be called a fruit, so will every vegetable. You will never find out what's her favourite flower, or perfume. 

Imagine a world without names. All the letters will be addressed to everyone. People will notice people more to distinguish them from the others. That one unique feature, mark, will be the identity. It will not be long or short. Good or bad. It will just be that mark that makes that person special. 

Imagine a world without names. You and I will be the same.

Facing Your Worst Fear

Phobia - the moment you hear this word, and if you happen to be a phobic, you feel the chill running down your spine. You remember every detail of the things you have a phobia of. It can be one, it can be multiple. You imagine yourself being tied from head to toe with a rope and the phobia to be death without the hood. For a person who does not have any phobia or is yet unaware about his/her phobia will find this explanation quite exaggerating. But that’s how you feel when you face your worst fear.

The dictionary definition says - “A phobia is a type of anxiety disorder, usually defined as a persistent fear of an object or situation in which the sufferer commits to great lengths in avoiding, typically disproportional to the actual danger posed, often being recognized as irrational.” Thank god words don’t scare me, or else I would have fainted halfway reading this definition. To put it simply, it’s your worst fear - a fear that is capable to make you lose your senses, scream out loud, cry, hide, cover your face or even faint. Common phobias include Acrophobia (fear of heights), Claustrophobia (fear of confined places), Aquaphobia (fear of water), Hemophobia (fear of blood) and so on.

These day-to-day things that look plain and simple to us may turn out to be the biggest hurdle for some. Imagine being a woman and hemophobic. Every month you have to face the blood coming out of your own body. A friend of mine gets sleepless nights when she is on her periods. Changing sanitary pads is the biggest challenge for her. She avoids blood tests. And in unavoidable circumstances, she goes for one with a blindfold on and nose covered. A claustrophobic climbs 24 floors but he will not travel by a closed lift. An aquaphobic panics even when he sees 3-4 water bottles lined up together.

These are common types of phobias. Some people have really weird phobias too. Chromophobia is a fear of bright colours. You are walking on a beautiful sunny day. Suddenly you spot a perfectly curved rainbow in the sky. Or a bed of beautiful and colourful flowers. And you freak out. You are terrorised. That’s because you are suffering from chromophobia.

Now imagine being scared of hair. Your own body hair that covers every possible part of your body. And you are scared of them. To an extent that you pluck out every tiny hair that you spot on your body. Your scar it just to get rid of those scary hair. That pain of pulling out hair from your sensitive area is more tolerable than the sight of hair.

There also exists something called Lepidopterophobia - fear of butterflies. Those harmless beauties can scare someone so much that they end up fainting. Eisoptrophobia - fear of your own reflection. Not seeing yourself in the mirror because you imagine worst possible things that your reflection does to you, that also includes strangling you. But the cruelest of all is Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia - it’s a phobia of long words. What an irony. The phobia itself is one of the longest words I have seen. If I think of it, I have a phobia of long sentences. I write in short sentences mostly. But when a sentence is longer than two lines, I freak out. I don’t understand how to deal with it. Talking of weird phobias of others!

It’s worrisome how these fears control us, how they limit the way we think and function. We can take other kind of pains just to avoid facing the fear. Imagine taking unbearable pain just because we are scared of something. Our imagination can trick us into doing something so stupid and so dangerous. Can this be cured? Can you get rid of your fear? For that you need to face it. The thought itself scares the daylights out of me.

The Forbidden Streets of South Mumbai

I was 8 or 9 years old when I heard about these forbidden streets of South Mumbai. My grandmother rescued our domestic help's daughter who was lured into running away with her boyfriend. He brought her to Bombay. There they stayed with a friend for a few days before he made his real intentions clear to her. She had been cheated. He raped her. Invited his friends to rape her. Again and again. She was gangraped for over a month before he decided to sell her to one of the madams in Kamathipura.

She refused to sleep with other men, refused to participate in flesh trade. They would beat her with cane on her feet. Till she would give in. She stayed there for a little over three months, getting raped by different men each night. At least seven to eight men would fuck her each night. Periods was a time for some relief if a weirdo didn't turn up who enjoyed fucking menstruating women.

She was one of those fortunate women who was rescued thanks to my grandmother's contacts and a hell lot of money. She was brought back home. She was completely shaken, depressed, scared, and pregnant. Family got the child aborted, got some tests done for STDs. Thankfully everything was normal. They got her married soon enough. She is happy now, has two kids, and husband doesn't know anything about her past.

This is one of the stories. One of those rare stories where the victim was rescued. But does it happen in every case? When my grandma recites the story now, I realise how difficult it was to track her down and rescue her. The person who helped was stabbed. Luckily he survived. I have no idea what kind of risks, money and power were involved in the entire operation. What the girl must have gone through during that period.

A friend works with an NGO that works for sex workers of Kamathipura. I happen to discuss this story with her. She tells me her side of story. Rather, stories she gathered on her numerous visits to Kamathipura. 

To be continued..

And The Residue Remains

Independence Day is over. The streets that were full of people waving the tricolour yesterday are now full of half torn and muddy flags. Nobody gives a damn about the state of the country anymore. And it's kinda sad that this cynicism has become a reality now. Everywhere you see people not giving a damn about anything. Including their own lives. Pollution, population, corruption, crime - we tolerate everything like it's something obvious and something we cannot help.

The helpless state. Or the victim card. Be the bechara to get all the benefits. Fuck the rules. Fuck the fair game. Curse reservation when you don't get a seat anywhere. Curse the upper caste for treating lower caste as shit. Riots in the name of religion and blame the religion instead of those misusing and misinterpreting it. One judgment goes wrong and we blame the entire judiciary. Victim card/helplessness is a very safe and secure place. You are right even when you are wrong. And people will listen to you. 

If that doesn't work then bribe. Pay money and get the work done. Or not done. Keep doing it. Make the system so bloody corrupt that without money they don't even give you your death certificate. Pay the bribe to get the timely slot for cremation, or the best part of the land for burial. The smell coming out of the smoke tells you if you died rich or poor. We don't spare anyone. Or anything. 

Religion - again something we feel so strongly about. Whether in favour or against. Atheism is cool. Being a theist is kind of an abuse. You kill in the name of religion. They kill you because you killed in the name of religion. A few extremists malign the entire system. All of us die - one by one. Either as victims or as an accused. Just to feed that one sentiment we misunderstood. 

The torn flags on the roads remain as residues of our so called nation love for one day. Those half immersed idols float because we don't care either about them or the environment. Fuck the logic behind immersion. It's not the system, or the religious practice that's entirely wrong. It's the way you follow it - that's wrong. Practice doesn't specify the size of that idol. Or the requirement to buy and flaunt the flag you don't have any intentions of keeping. You abandon them. And you abandon your sentiments with them. That's where you go wrong. But it doesn't get destroyed completely. It stays there. Reminding you of what you have become. 

But again, who cares?

A Place for a Wandering Soul

Have you been to a place where, after stepping there, you feel as if you are in a new world altogether? Or think that the one you live in is no life at all. Your idea of a good life is actually an illusion that you live in. Place you can call home. You feel at peace even while doing nothing at all. You meet new people and in no time it feels as if you have known them for years. You still try not to be too friendly because it all seems too good to be true. 

Such a place exists. For the first time I am taking out time to write about it while being there. Yes I skipped a nice place to visit just to spend this time with myself. Going to the terrace and reading a book, visiting a cafe nearby all on my own - I need at least one such getaway on a trip. I don't care if I end up missing out on the best structure in this world for this time. But this time is important to me. 

Auroville is much more than a home. It accepts you the moment you come here. And I am so glad I did. Second day here and everything - from people to food to places to my room - everything is just perfect. I can hear the sound leaves are making outside. Some birds are chirping. They chirp round the clock. And it's a pleasant, soothing voice. There is an old fountain outside. It's not a pretty one. Quite old, not functioning too well. But that's the best part about it. The sound of water dripping from it is the most soothing sound you can ever imagine. 

Yes, it sounds too poetic. Or not. Who cares. The place is magical. It's almost untouched. A place where you would want to come to without a plan. And stay for as long as you want to. A place where the company doesn't matter. A place you want to visit on your own. And not leave. 

It helps you find yourself. And connects with yourself. What music does to you. Auroville has the same effect on you.

Scattered Thoughts

I think I need to clear the dust before I start writing here again. At least clear it off the laptop screen. There is so much to write about, so much to say and share and so little time. I have been busy with so many things. Mostly travelling. Travelling more than working. And that's a bloody good feeling. This year I made two trips to East/North East and three to North. And the next one is planned already.

More than the travel part, it is about meeting different people. Learning about different cultures. Realising that your country is more beautiful than you can ever imagine. Realising that those google images were less beautiful than the place. The value it holds. You look at the place differently from everyone else. 

Life experiences mould you. How certain things change you as a person. How you look at someone you know changes. How indifferences disappear. How easily you can now let go. Forgive. Forget. Move on. Or, live with it.

Or completely opposite of it. The person you couldn't live without once, is no longer with you. You may even hate him, or miss him like crazy and still want him. Some relationships leave you bitter. Some make you better. 

And some things don't change at all. Anger is one such thing. It's good so far as it's healthy. But the moment it starts controlling you, or making things worse for you, you need to take the charge. Start controlling it. It's not possible always, but not too difficult either.

My anger has always been on the extreme side. It's just so easy to make me angry. I can blast even if you say A and I don't like you. I can blast the hell out of you. I don't care where I am or who is in front of me. I cool down quickly but by then the damage has already been done. People who know me well know this about me. Rest are no longer in my life. 

Do I regret? No. If I really love you, and get angry at you, and don't try to makeup within max a day, then you are wrong. Amendments? It depends on your wrong. Some things cannot be amended. Or altered. Some things are lost forever. Anger is just a medium to severe ties. To detach. They were never meant to be. And they will never be.

I wrote this article in bits and pieces over five days. I have been trying to write, but unable to due to many reasons. Mind is not at peace. It's not disturbed either. It just lacks motivation at the moment. I am off to another trip. Another experience. I hope I come back motivated. To write.

Life, Travel and Stories

Being so busy that a break feels awkward. Travelling so much that your city doesn't feel like home anymore. Then where is home? what do we want? Why do we work so much? What's the ultimate motive of everything? Questions questions. With lame answers. Rather, stereotypical answers. There are so many things we want to do. Or don't want to do. Money - whether you agree or not, at least to earn bread and have a roof on our head. And to travel. Yes. That's very important.

Travel. Gather stories. There are so many stories in different cities, different towns. Every person is a story walking on two feet. At times four. wherever you go. And they teach you so many things. They teach you to live, to be happy, to be content. They teach you something you never knew or imagined its existence. They teach you the difference between the good you and the bad you. They teach you to be you. 

You are taking a walk in some strange city, or sipping tea at a quiet joint in some small town. You see women and children passing by, or playing. A kid is selling tea, a woman is rolling a bidi, a priest is doing pooja for some foreigners, a man is breeding bees for honey, someone is distributing clothes and food in the temple, some people are feeding the pigeons - you notice this while sitting at one of the ghats in pushkar. The lady rolling the bidi offers you one too as she sees you staring at her. The priest can't help giving you a cunning smile when he sees that you are observing the rituals. The kid sees a tea cup in your hand, thus doesn't come near you. 

But most of the people around you are curious. Because you are sitting there alone, doing nothing. You are talking to strangers, letting them cheat the foreigners, sharing their simple life, eating from their plate, letting them see your so called fancy phone, buying one more tea as the kid passes by again. Yeah fuck acidity, that smile is worth anything. The pigeons stink but they still give you a perfect picture when they all fly together - hundreds of them. 

Yes, it's a different life. Something you wish you had had. They might also be wanting your life. Just might. Or maybe not. They are happy sharing their story. Don't ask you yours. Even if they do, it's never about your life. And why do we want their kinda life? Because we see happiness lurking around there. And that content feeling. And peace. And for all these things you travel. And gather stories. To learn something from them. To learn how to live. And be happy. You take the learnings and go back home.

Happiness and Peace - That's our ultimate motive. For that we can go to any extent. We may cry, laugh, stay alone, go out, travel, drink, smoke - anything. And yet it runs away from us. We may get it for a while but that's that. It lasts like a temporary phase. After that you are again chasing the peace. You again travel to a new location. You go back to get some new learnings, to find a new kinda happiness and a new way to attain peace. And life goes on.

Trust

It's been so long since I wrote something on this blog. I don't even feel like calling this a blog anymore. It's more like a "taken for granted" device for me. I come here, rant, vent out and leave. Without bothering about who reads it, what people think. Not that I write something offensive or malign anyone here, but still, writing senseless things all the time is worse than writing a hate post. At least a hate post will be worth reading.

People change. I say it every time in different words and tone when I write my thoughts. Yes, people change. Differently. But the impact is mostly the same. Every time someone misquotes you, you get angry. And lose trust. The cycle gets repeated. Every time something happens, you realise that there exists a new kind of trust. It was always there in you but you never realised it. You never realised it until it broke. And it cannot be mended again. 

You be with a person for years. At times the relationship does not remain at the same level. You have your own set of differences and priorities in life. But yet you are connected. There are some things you would want the person to tell you. There are some things you would want to know no matter what kind of relationship you share with them. Just because you have had a special bond in the past. You deserve to know some things. And when you find out that they were hidden from you, you lose that trust. 

The impact of losing trust can only be felt. It can never be described. You scream, you cry, but there is no way you will get it back. The worst thing is, you will no longer get it in anyone else. It kinda dies at that moment. And never comes back. 

When I look back in life, and think about all the incidents when my trust broke, and just for the sake of respecting the relationship, I ask myself what if the person comes back to me seeking forgiveness? Well, the person must think he is wrong to seek forgiveness at the first place. But still, being highly optimistic, if that's the case then what will I do? Will I forgive and let go? Or will I be firm about the decision that I have taken? My mind favours the latter. But the heart is still a bit partial towards the former. The reason is simple - if I am getting the thought then somewhere it's still there in my heart. All I need to do is let one agree to another. 

We set boundaries for ourselves in our mind. There is a tolerance point for everything. Most of the times people around you know that point. In some cases they are too dumb to realise it. But when you come across the specie that knows exactly what the point is, and yet pushes you beyond it, then dude you are screwed. And if you give in, then that's the end of the life you once dreamt. The person will step over you from hereon. Again and again. And you won't be able to do anything about it. Till he does something irreparable. And that will affect you more than it will affect him. He is just losing you, but you will lose something more than him. You will lose the trusting ability. And that's the end of one aspect of your life, forever.

There is no solution to this situation. I have rotten in it, so will you. I am trying to mend myself. If I do, I will let you know how I did it. If you have done it already, wait for a while before telling me. I am not yet ready for it.