Monday, February 03, 2014

Fear, faith and foolishness

I have been running. Running away from the past, from the future, from people, from fears, from tears, from peers, from love and hatred, form just and unjust - name it and I would want to duck it. Or be oblivious to it. Like an ostrich. I want to hide my face in the sand and believe that the fear doesn't exist as I cannot see it. 

But is it really the fear that I'm scared of? Hmm, not really. It's actually the opposite. I'm scared because I don't have the fear of fear. Does it make sense to you? Of course it does, and thus you're reading me even now. Most have given up on me. Some are still tolerating me because love is blind and shit. 

How many times have you been told that you have changed? And you're not the same person anymore? I get that all the time. Even from my mother. At times she feels I'm very cold towards her and everyone else and at times she finds my caring suffocating. She even tells me that she hates the fact that I can live without her, or anyone else. I don't really need people. 

It's cute when people make assumptions on your behalf and decide themselves how we would have behaved or what we wanted. It's almost like they live in the world with us that they have created and think that we wanted them to create it that way. They don't even ask us once as to what we would have preferred. Now you're stuck in the world neither you like nor they do. And you're responsible for its creation. 

I can scream, just to make you realise that I do not think the way you assume about it. My Thoughts are too fucked up mostly. I react to different situations differently each time. Thus it's impossible for you to guess the right reaction. Don't even attempt it. I love you enough to live the way you want me to live. But don't assume my limits and my actions/reactions. 

Things are changing rapidly. The ant has finally managed to hold her balance on that steep wall. She is moving on. And she is moving on to a destination. It's the future or the past, only she knows. It's wise not to assume that even before she has reached there. Her journey just indicates that she is moving. Leave her alone. Don't make her doubt her moves. She is happy right now. And moving towards that. As that is going to keep her happy. That's what she has decided to live for - her happiness. 

Have you ever seen birds immediately after they were caged? I have. They had a tough time adjusting to their new found jail, but they eventually did get adjusted. We assume that they want to fly. They want to be free. Sky is where they belong. But what if they choose comfort over freedom? Like most of us humans? What if they are happy in the cage? But that doesn't mean they would never want to be free. At some point they would realize where they belong and they would want that life back. Give them what they want. Care about their happiness more than your profit, and you'll see freedom ready to soar.


  1. that pretty much summarizes a normal person, the others are all crap!!

  2. So, your Bogart would be a Dementor, right? :)
    (Are we going green?)

    1. I am thinking you are thinking the Harry Potter and us, is that right, Nehatrix?

  3. "Most have given up on me. Some are still tolerating me because love is blind and shit." This. The best.

  4. Change is always hard you matter how much you want it its difficult... like birds which are caged for years and are set free...they would fly off for sure...but after some moment its difficult to think what to do, like that Shawshank redemption moment...that old man dint know wad to do...!! i seriously dont know why i wrote this... but i just felt connection may be...i too wanted to write a blog...but i put too many dots in between so its better to just comment...!

  5. Story of my life as well, I guess. :D

  6. sounds so familiar..i thought i was abnormal! :)

  7. Neha,

    I agree with what you have emphasized on. Each of us needs space and we must give it to everyone including our children.

    Take care

  8. birds after being caged..drastix example..lovely blog