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"Love is never logical..feelings aren't logical..We don't even realize sometimes what someone means to us..You realize the effect that person has on you when a single line written by him makes you cry. Again and again. Whenever you read it..It's strange, impractical, unreal, almost impossible; still existent."

I left these lines as a comment on one of the posts written by Guria. I happened to read the post and my comment there again. At times, such things help you realize how you felt a few months back when you were in a similar situation like now. How did you handle it, how did you vent out. It's as good as reading your old posts.

It has happened in the past too when comments became posts. When I have something substantial to add to a post, I write a comment that is longer than the post. At times I write the whole post on that topic. Blogging helps you think. It makes you look for logic beyond your usual understanding. It doesn't really make you a writer, but it makes you as good as one.

Thus, write what you feel like. Whatever you feel like. Without bothering about being judged or ridiculed. It will help you know and understand yourself better. It doesn't matter how often you write, but if you are regular, it is definitely going to help you more.

Philosophy! Sigh!

The great fall

I miss this place. Blogging, reading, commenting, ignoring, whining, ranting, cribbing, bitching - everything. I have not seen the dashboard properly in days. Earlier I read blogs on phone, but now even that's not happening. There is no motivation as such to blog as life is very much normal. I am not too scared to lose my readers too as I don't have many left. And after this long break and not reading others, I may lose the remaining readers too. Sigh!

Like I said, life is too normal. Well at least it was until three days ago when the great fall happened. On Friday evening, I met a very close friend for dinner. We had awesome Malvani Food for dinner and then went to Bandra bandstand. Now, thanks to the kind of alcohol mixture that happened post dinner and the sea breeze playing its part too, I went on the rocks to check whether it was too slippery to go near the sea.

I had a heavy bag on my shoulder and in that tipsy and trance mode, I reached the first rock half way and slipped. It didn't do any major harm, but I am bedridden thanks to the stiff back and shoulders. What a way to spend the weekend. It was a pretty funny scene for people around me at that time. We continued drinking even after that and one friend got totally sloshed. She created a huge scene in a mall. Way too embarrassing to even mention here.

But at the end of it all, including the fall, we realized that we did have a lot of fun. It's that feeling of forgetting whatever shit you did last evening, behaving like a bunch of crazy teenage girls, singing our lungs out, how you realize who your true friends are when they stand by you without facing any embarrassment - it's priceless. No this isn't the first time that I did such a crazy thing, but this is certainly the first time after reaching and crossing mid 20s and now I am almost 30. It feels unusual, weird and even embarrassing to an extent, but fun.

Now that I am kind of bedridden, all my friends are coming home to meet me. One even gifted a Glucon D packet as I am unwell. Yesterday they took me out for lunch and then movie, took care of me, pampered me. Everyone has been asking me how I am feeling - ah I feel important all of a sudden.

At times attention, weirdness and embarrassment feel so good!

Don't call me!

Last few days have been weird. It's one of those phases where you have a lot of work, but you lack concentration due to various reasons. I have a lot of work in hand, but I end up doing just 30% of it by the end of the day. And I work all night right before the deadline. I am kind of used to working this way - finish a draft in one day, or review it and edit it within five hours and such.

But this time around, it's different. I am not able to work at all. Drafting a document seems like a huge task. Blame it on the gloomy weather or just laziness - work is not happening. And that's not a good sign. When you ain't able to do the very thing that keeps you sane, you are in trouble my dear friend.

Blogging is not happening either. I forget to log in here. When someone asks something or talks about blogs, I remember this space. I have not read any blogs in a long time. Looks like I am turning old. Life hacks I tell you.

And I have realized a weird problem that I have. I don't like talking on the phone. I am a very talkative person otherwise. I can talk all my life and still don't lack topics to talk about. But when it comes to talking on phone, especially those random useless talks when someone calls you up casually. Ugh, it's pathetic. How can people talk for hours with someone is totally beyond me!

Even today, when someone calls me up and if that happens to be the first call to me from that person, it takes me some time to answer the phone. I become very nervous. And that's so unlike me! I cannot talk to people casually. Thankfully most of my friends know that. When I call up someone, I say directly why I called. I cannot initiate small talks. Thus I prefer to talk in person or on messenger so that I can work too simultaneously. But talking or chatting on phone would be the last thing I would do.

I can handle client calls, at times they last for 30 40 minutes to an hour, or more. But it involves work. I don't have to ask them how are their children or what did they have for dinner. I can talk about law and work all the time. Again, I prefer it in a personal meeting rather than on phone, but well, that's not possible always.

There is no special term for this phobia. It's just called phone phobia. People do have it. It's not uncommon or unheard of, but not too common nevertheless. And I cannot say that I am phobic. I can comfortably talk to the person after two to three conversations with him/her. Talking becomes easier after meeting the person.

Anyway, people waste time on phone. It's the worst possession that I have. People abuse it, and misuse it. Your problem really, just don't give me a casual call and talk just to pass time or to know how many times I ate through the day. Let's meet and treat me for lunch/dinner instead. Thank you very much!

Writer's block huh?

I happened to discuss about writer's block with a friend the other day. She is a novelist and has been facing the problem of writer's block. She tries to write, but somehow ends up staring at the screen, the story is not developing the way it should and such other excuses. I would call them excuses as I have never really given a serious thought to "writing" and thus I never faced such a problem. Even on blogs, I write whatever is there on my mind; but for her, it is a serious business.

Still, my mind was not ready to accept the fact that someone could face something like a writer's block. I mean, if you want to write, you write. You do not as such require any particular topic and/or reason to write about. Come on, write about writer's block! Can it get any simpler?

And then I was thinking about those who make their living out of writing. Journalists, columnists, script writers, play writers, stand up comedians - writing is their bread and butter. They cannot afford to have such silly things as a block to come their way of business.

Anyway it would have been useless to argue with that friend as maybe she would have thought that novel writing wasn't really same as writing blogs or short articles or gigs. It may require intense thinking. Yes, maybe. I do not know. I have never been a novelist. But again, if you make your living out of writing novels, you work on tight deadlines, will you still let such blocks come in your way of earning or survival? Again, I wouldn't know.

Forget a storyteller, I have read about writer's block on blogs too. And it's surprising. How long does it take to a blogger to write 300 words? How difficult it is to write about one topic or combining two-three topics in one post when you can't write more than one paragraph about that particular topic? So many things keep happening around us - politics, bollywood, controversies, calamities, social issues, funny incidences. If nothing is there to write about and still you want to update the blog, post pictures. One or two pictures with their story is sufficient too!

Thus I call writer's block an excuse. Excuse not to write something at that time, excuse for laziness to think about something creative, or just a plain excuse. When the deadline is hovering over your head like a sword, you automatically churn out content. When the deadline is months away, the so called block takes over.

And we are quite used to blame everything on our emotional state. Fight with husband/boyfriend/mother/friend and whoever, and your mind gets blocked on its own. I have seen people write sad and depressing posts, dark poetry and even suicide notes during such times. And all these things fall within the brackets of the block.

I guess the whole block business is beyond me. I have never faced it and I don't think I will ever face it so far as I continue writing, if nothing then about rants. And rants never get over. You have at least 20 things to rant about every day. All you need to do is to pick up the interesting ones and write. This ensures audience too.

Now if you still say that you face writer's block, then I shall disown you!

Confusions and Decisions

Yet another post will not start with yet another definition of life. This has been a kind of common trend for me these days. I keep writing about how good/bad/boring/easy/sad/difficult/weird life is. And even while writing, I talk! Yes I write as if I am talking to you. This is how I converse. And it's all the more weird. Who talks on blogs? We write. But I talk!

Let me talk about the header. At time I really surprise myself. Being a girl, this should have been one of the first ten posts I wrote. But it's never too late. Even if I am late by 200+ posts. Really? Have I written more than two hundred posts in three years? Have I been so jobless, way too talkative, without people around me to listen to my rants or just addicted to blogging - but yes, I have written way too many posts. And I remember most of them. Anyway most of them are on similar lines. I have spoken about the same topic in different manner - yeah I can be super genius at times when I really want to.

And I digress again. I should stop writing headers for my posts. And just number them. Rather I should stop bothering about the connection between the header and the content. Anyway, coming back to the topic - I am a very confused person when it comes to simplest things of life. I create it for me in my head. The most difficult decisions come by easily. There is no confusion in there.

I know the reason too. Easy things in life don't require too many factors to consider, and they don't have too many people involved. This I can take my own time to analyze all the factors around them. Doing or not doing them doesn't really matter in the short run. But it may matter in the long run. This creates confusion. Difficult decisions are usually about people and us because of people who matter to us. If we matter to them equally, then there comes no question of the decisions. But when we realize that we do not matter to them, it's time we realize that we have to take a stand. It may hurt, make you miserable; but it will help you at the later stage.

At the end of the day, it's not only about who matter to us, but how much we matter to them too. You will find many people who will listen to what you have got to say, to give you advice, but to be with you forever - not even closest of friends stay around. And that brings us to decisions again. Should we become close to them? Or just be friends, meet them, spend quality time and get busy in our respective lives?

Confusion. Decision. Happiness. Sadness. Selfishness. And a few more topics to rant about. If only life was as simple as its spelling.