Silence after the storm

There is silence after the storm too. And that's exactly what my blog is experiencing right now. Last week one post went viral on the internet. That resulted into a lot of page views, comments, followers and e-mails. Sadly this came at the wrong time, when I was really busy. Nevertheless, I did read all the comments, replied to a few mails. And like everything else, this too died down. Now the blog is back to normal. Well almost.

I'm was in Delhi last week, enjoying the summers there. It's just so hot and sunny all the time that you feel like staying outdoors. No really. After experiencing Bombay monsoon, any other season is a good season. Flight passed through the storm which was not too bad. After spending two whole days in floods kind of a situation and not so smooth flight, sunlight was a huge relief.

During my stay there, my timeline had some 'Rains in Delhi' updates. Erm, it was just drizzling, but well just like how we Bombay people exaggerate our so called winters, Delhi people talk about monsoon. One thing is there, the more I visit the city, the more I like it. Though I'm scared all the time when I step out. I prefer to roam around in cabs/car, which I wouldn't do if I'm in Bombay. I travel alone at 1 am here, which I cannot even dream of doing there. 

But still there is something about the city that makes you like it. Maybe it's the wide roads, or lush green surroundings, or probably the lack of numerous skyscrapers - it's a good city despite of having some flaws, like any other place. It's amusing how drivers drive on the wrong side of the road just to avoid taking a long ride for the next U turn and nobody bothers to stop them, how people overtake without bothering about their vehicle or life, still it accepts you like you belong there.

And yet it doesn't entirely feel home. I have plenty of friends there, but I feel lonely after a couple of days. Maybe because I'm not familiar with the city, or maybe because I don't feel secure there; it just doesn't feel like the kind of city I can live in. But it's definitely a city I can stay in after Bombay and probably Pune.

I ask this question to myself a lot of time - where do I really want to settle down? I was brought up in a small town before shifting to Bombay. I wasn't a fan of a slow small town life, but at that time I hated Bombay whenever I visited it. It was way too crowded. And noisy. Then I shifted here. All alone. And the city accepted me as if I always belonged there. It taught me its way of living, its roads and directions, its good and bad parts - everything.

I have seen and lived life here. The city knows me, but I'm yet to know it completely. It will take me lifetime to get to know it, and still it will not be enough. And I'm glad about it.

PS: As always, ignore the header.

Life and Travel

Last month was spent travelling. I explored some new places within India - the places I had never imagined to be this beautiful. And untouched. Probably that's why they were so beautiful. You are travelling on random roads. You just take an unknown turn and keep going. There is no mobile network, awesome music is playing, it drizzles on and off, you pass by small villages, see local people going about their business, they wave at you when you pass by, or just find a small hill and sit there for hours, wishing that the time would stop right there.

These places were far far away from the main city. Or even the market. There was nothing available for about 30 to 40 kms from these towns. Wonder how these people would be surviving every day, for there is nothing around them. Not even a proper mode of transport - public or otherwise. Just their huts, a few people and empty land. It looked beautiful as it's monsoon, but I doubt that it would be as pretty during other seasons too. It would be brown and dead looking. You have 2-3 huts every at the distance of every five kms. But it was still like the best the life one could expect. So simple and so peaceful.

I was almost jealous of them. Almost. It would be amazing to have such a disconnected life. Forget mobile phones, they don't even have electricity in most of the houses. You live amidst the hills, water streams (at least during monsoons) and lush green surroundings. Things you call luxuries won't be available or for that matter required there. You have to walk mile/s just to reach home from the main road - a single lane road.

After seeing such a life, and those simple faces, it takes some time to come back to your normal life and be happy. Forget the life, even those trips were priceless. You neither want the journey to end, nor want the season to change nor want to come back to this life. It's as if you are in a different world altogether. It's like being transported to some other world, and yet it's real.

I didn't want to come back to be honest, but still I had to. Now the normal life has started. The same old routine. And some major changes are waiting to take place. Or maybe nothing will change. It will just pass. Just like everything else.

Escapism

It's funny how our moods work. Silly things make us sad while huge things may not affect us at all. How we store our faith in all wrong/impossible things and then regret about those things later. Funny thing is, we knew their fate already. But still we sulk. Feel sad. Low. Down. Depressed. Happy. Relaxed. Free. Too many emotions. Too many regrets. Of the past or the present.

And the cycle goes on. How some things make us depressed or even heartless. Anyway I think I have been posting a lot of philosophical blogs. So let me not even start with another one.

In other news, Bombay is no longer hot. Monsoon is here. So is the gloomy weather, traffic, potholes and dirt. Come to think if it, I don't like a single season here. Or anywhere. Winter makes my skin too dry, I sweat like a pig during humid summers of Bombay. Monsoon is too gloomy and depressing. And a huge pain if you have to travel as public transport is not easily available.

But the best thing is that a lot of trips happen during this season. Weekends are seldom spent in Bombay. Well, these days I'm never around on weekends anyway. And this has resulted into many arguments too with people who want to ahem spend time with me. I have been away most of the times. With different set of friends each time. And it's been fun so far. Exploring new places. Meeting new people. It gives you a break from the reality. 

When I discuss it with my close friends, they say that I'm escaping from the reality. My point is, what's wrong with that? Why is escapism bad if it gives me a peace of mind? I don't care how my Monday looks like so far as my weekends are fun. I don't care if you fight with me because I didn't meet you on weekend or didn't spend time with you when you were free. 

I found a picture of a place I was at around this time last year. 

Such a blissful place it was. Someone had given me the best news and had made this trip even more memorable for me only to shatter it after I came back. I remember sitting here alone for hours, smiling to myself and lost in dreams. Some moments are never forgotten. 

But this picture has given me motivation to go for another solo trip. To yet another destination. And it will happen soon.

Happiness

It's amazing how our mind works. How our emotions work. How we react to the same situation differently at different stages. How we look at a relationship differently as time passes by. How new people enter our lives, and in no time they become an integral part of our lives. And some people who swore to be there forever suddenly disappear. Because of you, because of them or because of circumstances - but they are not there with you anymore. They leave behind a void. At times someone else fills it, at times you fill it yourself or maybe it remains like that for forever.

It's like you talk to someone everyday. About every single thing that happens in your life - happy, sad, confusing, funny, awkward - every damn thing. And one day - whoosh. The comfort is not there anymore. You are alone, completely on your own. The moment something happens the next day, you pick your phone, start typing the text and stop. You suddenly realise that you don't have anyone to text or share the news with.

Funny how you don't even remember how this dependency started. Before him or her, you were perfectly happy doing things without anyone knowing. You had a routine life, without anyone paying much attention to your existence. 

One fine day, someone comes into your life, who gives you that special attention you so far never noticed getting from anyone else. You start talking more. You start getting more attention. When you are happy, he/she shares your happiness, when you are sad, he/she makes you smile. It feels great so far as it lasts. 

We don't even realise what we do to ourselves when we store our dependency in someone. What happens to us, our feelings when our happiness changes its meaning and becomes a person instead of things or emotions? Why do we create that space that was not there earlier and that we didn't even need? Now that we have created the space, we need to fill it. With the person. It usually starts when you meet your first guy. Once he leaves, you sulk, you are sad, you feel lonely. You have nobody to share your happiness with, nobody to listen to you crib, no punching bag. If you are good looking, this phase doesn't last too long. You find someone else. Repeat the cycle. It's a loop.

But with time, you slowly realise that you need to break this loop. You need to detach happiness from a particular person. Yes, without that too, a relationship can be strong and healthy. And without relationship too, you can be happy. And like everything else, this too is easy said than done. But one has to start somewhere. Then why not now?

Very strange post I know. I had to write something. My thoughts. I have not been able to write. And that scares me. I have managed one whole post today, that's a huge deal. Hope the block doesn't last long.

Are you a guy? Tough luck bro.

I have seen so many people talking about how difficult it is for a girl to survive in a male dominating society. Well it's true to a greater extent. But that doesn't mean that we girls take the feminism flag every time and abuse guys. They have a difficult life too.

I have seen them suffer so many times just because they are, well, men. No matter what they do in a girl's presence, their intentions are doubted. Well I believe that they should be allowed to think whatever they want to, for you cannot really change that. But we girls do the same too. It's a kind of secret code and thus I won't reveal what we really think in our mind about a guy (or even a girl for that matter in spite of being perfectly straight). When a guy offers to give a lift to a girl, they say "chance maar raha hai". If he doesn't offer, then he is a jerk. Ah poor guys.

Today I was waiting for a cab to go to the class. There was one guy standing right ahead of me. We were waiting for almost 10 minutes before one empty cab finally arrived. The cab guy didn't stop in front of him, but he stopped in front of me. Asked me where I wanted to go. I saw that guy come running to the cab. I let him ask the cab guy first as that was only fair. The cabwala refused him and took me.

Last weekend, I was coming back from some place. There was a guy sitting next to me in the flight. His friends were sitting right behind us. He tried 2-3 times to talk to me, just tried, but didn't succeed as I kind of carry that intimidating look with me wherever I go. Especially when I travel as I don't like to be disturbed. And flight is the only place where I get a peaceful sleep. And I didn't want to compromise on that. It was a two hour flight. After we landed, his friends very bluntly asked him why he didn't talk to me. And I heard it. He was embarrassed. Very embarrassed. 

A friend met with an accident. She rammed her bike into a car. It was her fault entirely as she lost balance. But onlookers started abusing the guy even though he was being sweet to her and trying to help her. His good gesture was mistaken as his error and poor fellow had to listen to everyone around him. He eventually took my friend to a nearby clinic. Thankfully she was not hurt much, but it was still a good deed. He didn't even take any damages from her. Insured car maybe, but still, WTH.

And every damn time, they are expected to carry heavy bags, or open the car/restaurant door, impress the girl, be funny, can't afford to be boring even a bit, can't praise other girls, have to compliment girls moderately, do hundreds of the things to make her fall in love with them, spend money on them, earn money for everyone - phew!

Poor guys. Thank God I am not a guy. I can be as lazy as I want to be. The biggest advantage of being a girl. Really. There are hardly any guys who are really out of a girl's league. If a guy is single, and a girl is even average looking and she likes him, he will say yes to her in all probabilities. But she won't ask him. Ever. And she gets away with it. If he doesn't have guts to ask her out, someone else will. She will never run out of options, while he gets just a few options in any case. A guy's ugly is a girl's cute.

Dear feminists, please leave them alone. Really. They are mostly cute.