Blogging with Boundaries

Last week, I read a post Code of ethics for Blogger written by Saroj, one of the most prolific bloggers. I started to write a comment on her post, which got way too long; thus decided to mail the same to her. But I kept thinking about the whole post - thus this one.

As the title of her post suggests, she wrote about whether one should write opinions freely on blog or not, or there should be some code of ethics to be followed while writing a blog post or commenting on a blog. She even mentioned about how people stay anonymous so that they can freely express their opinions about personal as well as professional life on their blogs without getting judged by people in their professional circle.

Now this got me thinking. The first question was - why do we blog? Talking about personal blog strictly, we blog to express our opinions, or to share what we experience, or to vent out and rant about various things happening around us and such. Apart from these reasons I (and few of you) write about people as well. If you read me regularly, you would know that I have written quite a few posts on people, bloggers and pseudonymous blog identities. But my intention behind writing those posts is never to hurt anybody. I merely express my views there. I do get replies too - a contradicting one from bloggers who disagree with me. They even write a post as a reply to me or a bashing one :P. But it's all done in a fun way. We enjoy this game of bashing being played on our respective blogs.

This again brings me back to the topic of blogging ethics. Saroj and a few of her readers in the comment form mentioned about people being fired from their jobs due to what they wrote on their blogs or updated as their status on social sites like facebook and twitter. Now, ain't these sites supposed to be a part of our personal life? Firing a person because he insulted you in 140 characters is a bit harsh on the employee. But I may react the same way if I were the boss. Well, you may never know!

It is fine to blog about your thoughts (even WITH your real name), but I feel it is wrong to defame somebody. Especially when that somebody happens to be in the position of power to fire you from your job. As they say, bosses do not have a sense of humour. In fact, I have had a similar experience a few days back when a blogger misquoted me and then denied doing so completely. She had copied lines from my post and said that she never aimed that post at me. Well, blog about me - I do not mind. But my problem was with the interpretation that she made of the meaning behind my post.

I write about blogs, bloggers and people only when I know what I am talking about. I make sure I do not hurt the sentiments of people. If people are extra sensitive and they feel bad about my post which is never aimed at a specific person, then well, God can only help you! But once you blog about something, then I somehow feel that you should not delete it. After all, you write what you feel about a particular issue or a situation or a person. It is your personal opinion and you should respect it first.

The post is too heavy already I guess. Kavita, a blog friend asked me whether I am planning to write a fiction or not. Well buddy, I do not usually prefer to scare people with my write ups. But I will for sure try and write one soon (don't promise when). 

Classic Mistake

Classics - when you hear this word, don't you remember all those things which may have become old but they still remain fresh in your memory? Yes, we call them classics. The word "Classic" is a kind of honour you give to a particular thing, person or even a song for that matter. You spot a separate section for classic stuff in stores as well; and you can always find me there :P

I love old hindi songs. My friends even call me an oldie by heart as I sing such songs at any time and any place and not only when I am drunk. When we have a karaoke party, or singing songs when we have the mood, or play them while travelling - I prefer old sad songs and they hate them at least when we are going on long drives and spirits are high! :Sigh: 

Call me oldie, or a typical desi by taste - I somehow cannot bring myself to listen to "popular" songs because others like them. A few months back, somebody happened to ask me whether I like Justin Bieber (Hope I have spelt it right) or not. And I was clueless about who he was. He was the trending topic on twitter at that time, but I was not so curious to know who he was. She was pretty shocked when I told her that I didn't know who he was, maybe someone unimportant who is not worth knowing. I am sure she must have screamed on the other side of the computer as her reply to me was pretty much rude and hurt. She said that he was the ultimate teenage sensation and the hottest looking singer she'd ever seen! "Hello, I am not a 'crazy for Bieber' teenager my darling". After that reply, I have not seen her on my timeline. She blocked me I guess.

Now, I do listen to John Denver, Billy Joel, Cliff Richard, MLTR, Air Supply etc. too; but Gulzar songs are always my first preference when it comes to listening to music. Same is the case in case of movies. And serials too - I love CID classics! But when it comes to reading books, I prefer thrillers over classics. I have read Jane Austen, Gabriel García Márquez, Ayn Rand (all time favourite) and a few more authors, but the meaning of classic novels and classic authors is changing. Don't believe me? Then take a look at the picture below:

The thee mistakes of my life by Chetan Bhagat makes its way to the "classic" section of Crossword. Hmmm, interesting right? I guess, books like Gone With the Wind, or Pride and Prejudice have walked out of this section themselves as i did not find them anywhere even near the classic section. Not that I needed them, but still, somehow I am used to see those typical books on the shelf with "classic" label.

Reason behind this post - This happens with me a lot of times since the time I have started blogging. Whenever I spot something interesting, I want to share it on my blog. My mind starts thinking about the topic to write on so that I can add the interesting bit in that post and share. No, not for maximum hits, but I like to go back to my old post and read what I wrote then and what was going on in my mind. It kind of helps me to realize many things about me. If I write something when my mood is bad, I realize the kind of flow my post reflects. The subtle humour reminds me that on a particular day, I was happy. I don't know whether it happens with all of you or some of you or I am the only weirdo around, but this is the major reason I like to write about things around me. They get me thinking most of the times. I start looking at them differently - from a writer's point of view. No I do not and cannot become poetic as I am pathetic at it, but yes, they do make me a bit creative.

Does this happen with you as well? What inspires you to write your blog posts? Things, people, mood swings or just another habit?

Belief and Destiny

Today, I met a very close friend of mine after two months. Now, it may not be a long period for not having met your friend, but for us, it was indeed the longest period since we met last. From first year of commerce college to last year of law school, we used to meet almost everyday and spend at least five to six hours talking about various things. The strange thing was that we never exactly knew what we spoke so much about. Our discussions varied from intellectual to philosophical about opinions and mindsets of people, from academic during exams to mutual admiration ones about how we cleared without studying a word, from lame movie to an interesting book -  we discussed almost everything without getting bored even for a second or without realizing how time passed by.

This went on till 2007, when we were relatively vella in life. After becoming lawyers on paper, we settled in our respective professions - I joined a law firm, and he a hypnotherapy institution. But we still managed to meet and talk almost everyday. When I actually count the number of years I have spent in college, it surprises me and I am sure it will make many of you jealous too. I have enjoyed 11 years as a college student and 12th year is still going on. In these 11 years, I have completed my bachelor degree in commerce and law, master degree in commerce and first year of master degree in law. PHEW, I am a double graduate and almost a double post graduate. I do deserve to enjoy so many years as a college students!

Enough of boasting for one post I guess. Coming back to my friend and our discussions - give us one word, and we can spend days talking about it. And mind you, not those boring, mindless and pointless discussions; but profound, philosophical, sensible and fruitful discussions. To an extent that my friend came up with a website and a book on it. The topic was - Destiny. We must have spent at least two to three months discussing about this one topic. I would have killed him if he had not put those discussions in use.

Many of us think about Destiny. The question starts with - whether you believe in destiny or not. Now again, destiny is like God. It is there if you believe in it and it is not there if you don't. an atheist does not die earlier than the believer of the god, nor a non-believer of Destiny remains poor. Long discussions, a lot of research on the subject, case studies, books, interviews of experts and referring to every possible source available to us (read google), we came to the conclusion that Destiny indeed exists. but not in each and everything around us. There are certain things which are within our control, while certain things are beyond our control. But the function of Destiny does not depend on our capability of doing or not doing something. If we are destined to get something, we get it no matter whether we deserve it or not. 

Now, this theory was not making sense to us at all. We all know that life does not have an "undo" button. We have even experienced that whenever we are determined to do or achieve something, we do so successfully. Then what role does Destiny play here? The next theory was - Belief. We can get anything and everything in life if we strongly believe in it. Sounds illogical? OK, how many times it has happened with us that we wanted something; that something was too small to remember, so we wished for it and forgot all about it. But our subconscious mind registers such things. I will not go into detail; but when we got that thing, that time we suddenly remember that we did wish for it once and now we have it. Have you ever thought about why we got it? We got it as we believed that we would get it. In our mind, not even once the thought of "not getting it" came, there were no negative thoughts whatsoever about it. But our belief was there all along; without our knowledge. Thus, it's ours now. Things we need very badly - we may get them or we may not get them. The reason is simple. We keep thinking about those things - usually negative thoughts. If the force of negative thoughts is greater along with less efforts, we do not get them; but positive thoughts with less efforts - and it's yours :)

Most of us confuse the function of Belief with the outcome of Destiny. According to me, there are only three things which are destined - Birth, Death and Marriage - as these three things result into a birth of new being. Birth - as you are born, Marriage - as a new life is born and Death - as the moment you die, you become a part of soon to be born being; the kid in a female's womb - the day she conceives it and not the day it is born. It can be in a human or non human form, but it does have a life.

But there are couples who remain childless - one may argue that. Thus we cannot say that marriages result into a birth of new being. But there again, the belief system plays its part. And it's proven. Now now, how does that work, how to make it work etc. questions we can take care of, but not on the blog. There are different ways, different therapies and treatments that help you get your belief system in place, to make you realize how you can achieve something you have worked for. But it is not my area of expertise. I know a little bit about these things as I have spent days and years discussing such subjects, what we call in general term - philosophical topics. But philosophy can be interesting for those who learn it. As for you readers, if you are reading this line after reading the whole post, then either you liked whatever I have written (even a bit will do) or you are an avid reader who can read anything and everything that's in front of him/her :)

I wish opinion was not for free!

My current facebook status message says:

The ability to speak does not make you intelligent!

And this got me thinking. This is not the first time I have updated a normal status message that people have made controversial, an ego issue or taken personally. Well, I am quite used to it by now; bu don't you think I am entitled to my opinion?

The status message point is a small one. In fact I quite enjoy the comments I get on those - they are witty, provoking, irritating, aggressive as well as interesting. Each one expresses one's own opinion. That's democracy right? Then why are we questioned for updating what we want to?

We all express our opinion different ways. sometimes through status messages, sometimes through a post and sometimes through comments. But these days we mistake opinion with bashing. I am merely a year and a half old on blogger, but it is a well known fact around blogsphere that if you write a post about your opinion, people will take it personally and bash you left-right-center.

The irony is that many people do not even bother to read what you have written! They will read the first few lines, last few lines and couple of comments; that's all. and they fight with you for the point you have not even mentioned indirectly or minutely!

I can link ten such posts here - mine as well as others' - whereby the author has been given free advice he/she never even asked for. But this place is purely for the purpose of expressing my opinions and thoughts, rather than giving free publicity to anybody.

Most of the times, people give their opinion on about something which is not their genre or field. I blog because I want your feedback; I blog because I am ready to take appreciation as well as criticism; but I do not blog to take your frustration. If you do not like my post; either you should not leave a comment there or unleash your anger on your blog rather than provoking my regular readers or shooing them away! And yes, unleash it in style, rather than misquoting me just to get publicity or make your own blog famous at the cost of my name! (It has happened with me!)

There are times when people comment negative on others' post and blast them in the case where either their ego is hurt due to the brutal honesty published by the author; or they are guilty of the crime. If you fit into none of these categories; then simply comment why you agree or disagree. You have no right to comment on one's credibility at all.

And those personal comments! People do not like personal questions being asked to them; but some will always try to know what are your vacation plans, how many kids you have, when did you have a break up etc. all. Give us a break guys. If I want the whole world to know that I am going to Switzerland for my honeymoon, then I will specifically mention it. When I am keeping mum about it, it simply means that I do not want you to know that!

Now after reading this post; they will say why do I blog if I cannot tolerate their comments? Well, this post is not about me at all. It is my general observation. By grace of God, I have been blessed with wonderful readers who read my blog and leave a "normal" comment. But I know a few people who write normal stuff, but they get s#!t comments on their simple posts.

I wish bloggers would at least read the post first rather than reading first or last line only. What do you think about those?

PS: Hope you guys do read this post entirely rather than reading this post script first and then the last paragraph. I would like to know your views about the entire topic and not merely on the last paragraph.

Reforms in Family Law Part 4

Prevention of Dowry System 

 

Dowry is a social evil that ruins two families. Where Dowry is demanded, endless conflict starts between the parties and ends with death of the bride or divorce or unhappy married life. Almost all the persons play double role, a father of a bride, searching for bridegroom for his daughter, has different thoughts from the father of bridegroom and feels that dowry is the biggest disease. Contrary to this, the father of bridegroom thinks in different sense, and has a tendency to have maximum Dowry. This is a highly social problem. To solve this, we made it an offense in 1961 and thereafter drastic change in 1983 took place by amending the Indian Penal Code (IPC) and Indian Evidence Act to deal with dowry death and cruelty by husband and his relatives by Criminal Law Amendment Act, 1983.

The Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961 says that any person who gives, takes, or abets the giving or taking of dowry shall be punished with imprisonment, which may extend to six months or with fine up to Rs. 5,000 or with both. Dowry that started off as a practice to give away presents to the departing daughter, usually some resources to begin her new married life, slowly assumed extraordinary proportions and turned into a social evil. Brides were expected to bring the "gifts" regardless of their personal willingness. The bride's family could no longer have an individual say; lists were prepared and sent to the girl's house before the final agreement between the two families. The condition being that the boy would marry the girl only if the demands were met. Such a custom is being practiced not only in India but also in other countries like Bangladesh and Nepal. The reason behind this custom is the poor economical condition of the people along with a lack of education; unawareness of legal rights among women and a general bias against the women.

Crimes like rape, kidnapping, eve teasing and indecent exposure can be grouped as crimes against women. Rape is the worst crime against women after murder and the maximum punishment under the IPC is life imprisonment. An abortion or miscarriage due to natural causes is not an offense. Therefore, the law does not deal with it. However, violent and forceful abortion is a crime. Sections 312 and 316 of the Indian Penal Code deal with abortion as crime. Section 313 deals with abortion without the consent of the woman. The punishment could even be life imprisonment.

The Hindu Succession Act gives male and female heirs almost equal right to inheritance. Section 14 says that any property possessed by a female Hindu shall be held by her as full owner and not as a limited owner.