Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Wedding Proposals

Weddings – a happy affair for those who are getting married provided they are getting married to a person of their choice; happy affair for those too who just have to go and attend it and free food is bonus. But the suffering party is the one who has to go there so that they can be introduced to the parties looking for a guy or a girl as a marriage prospect.

I used to call these weddings Shadi ki Dukan. The moment I completed my college, mother started forcing me to accompany her to those weddings. Not that she succeed; but Patel Aunty ki bahen ke devrani ke ladke ka rishta and many more such rishtas always haunted me. Mother would keep telling me that so and so Aunty found the match for her daughter in this wedding; so and so guy is from the US of A (like I care); so and so is an engineer, doctor and what not. Naturally a mother would feel for her daughter; but the method never suited me. And I was already in a relationship with M then; just had to decide whether i wanted to marry him or not.

And those embarrassing moments where you don’t know what to do and what to say to those ladies who shamelessly ask your opinion about their sons. I was asked by three to four aunties whether I like their son or not. If not, then his cousin is there too. Oh my, what to answer them at that time? One of those aunties was my least favourite one. She introduced me to her son and told mother “your daughter is really sweet; tall, fair and thin; perfect for my son”. I rejected the guy the next minute and I became a skinny and pale looking girl with a short temper; not so compatible with her son.

I was lucky enough to have escaped the ordeal of seeing guys for marriage; but few of my friends are not so lucky. And the kind of weird questions they are asked and the conversations they have on their first meeting over a cup of coffee; I thank god for saving me from giving an interview for getting married. Few of those questions asked and statements made are:

1. What are your hobbies? – The cliched most and common most question. And the answer is even more cliched; for everyone likes reading, listening to music and travelling. A girl will add cooking too; with the hope that the guy will fall for this hobby. The following sentence is – SAME HERE. WE ARE SO MUCH ALIKE.

2. I do not smoke or drink. I did not have any girlfriend in the past. – Right.

3. We are not at all orthodox. My family is very modern. The hidden meaning behind this statement – You don’t have to wear sarees all your life except for the initial period of our marriage. Then Salwar kameez is perfectly ok. You can wear a long kurti over denims. But only when we are going out alone or we are out of town.

4. My mother only does the work. Read: the definition of mother doing the work is that she gives the order. You will just have to do the cooking, serving food and a little bit of work here and there after you come back from office by 6.

The list is quite long. But let me keep certain things to myself only. I do not want to scare those single girls who are yet to get married. But one last question a friend was asked by a guy on their first meeting which is so far the best one:

WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

45 comments:

  1. Nice post neha...our community is open n yet closed so i think thats why people try to maintain a balance.
    Moms gets very concerned when their daughters are eligible for marriage so one should respect their emotions...right...lolz!!

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  2. Neha,

    You're so right dear. Aunties are still ok, but I used to bump on some marriage brokers. And this person who is totally stranger to me would ask me questions as if she is an interviewer of an MNC. And for that same reason I missed many of the wedding faking tuitions, stomach aches, fever.

    And the t-interviews, I've attended so many that I forgot the count. It's the same questions everytime. And I so got used to this routine that the boy used to be more shy than I was actually supposed to pretend.

    LOL dear.. gud post.

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  3. You are a jewel! Have me in splits!! You couldn't have described it better! Too good!! :D :D :D

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  4. Just came back after attending a wedding reception :P but fortunately,i drew no attention :D :P

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  5. I can imagine how tough it is out there..when boys and girls are checked up like "good cattle".
    The most important thing is for the young people to know what they want and have the guts to get it.

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  6. Thanks for stopping right there! You scared me out of my wits!!! :D
    My sister is going through this plight right now with her PG almost over...I find it funny but I keep a straight face remembering the fact that after her, it's me! Boo Hoo :(

    May I add that I thoroughly enjoyed the post? :)

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  7. Ha Ha truly said , i think it implies to all single ladies :(

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  8. And I thought the official 'checking-out' custom would be fun! Ah, how wrong I was. It's that lame? You might be right after all. :D
    Very enjoyable post indeed. ;)

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  9. Hey I would like to share the guys point of view on the same statements... see if its correct...:D

    1. What are your hobbies? Meaning, duh oh. Its awkward, man online dating was better. :P

    2. I do not smoke or drink. I did not have any girlfriend in the past. – I am a loser or a liar.

    3. We are not at all orthodox. My family is very modern. The hidden meaning behind this statement – Oooh I see regular porn, and have already pictured you right now. This is usually a sentence by a despo, and would like to have you..like the cooking hobbies the girls say. :P

    4. My mother only does the work. Read: I am a mamma's boy.

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  10. Neha !!! I loved the look of the blog :) It's wow !!

    Coming to the post: You have captured the very right things here..and the questions you have kept to yourself...hmm..I know them ;)

    I have been lucky like you to skip this ordeal..love marriages do good to you,right :) But I have accompanied one of my good friends in some of her marriage interviews...!!! Deadly !

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  11. IT's funny and trying for everyone involved. The guy has to ask smart questions, the girl is expected to give coy all under the benevolent prying eyes of elders. But fun looking back at experiences

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  12. Really this happens all the time..but what to do..in a society where arrange marriages are the norm, something needs to be done:)

    I can give you inlaws version also..

    We have her grand parent living with us, so our daughter knows how to look after old people.....so what if the daughter sleeps till 10.

    Our daughter is a very affectionate girl...even if the girls doesnt like anyone except her family.

    For us our daughters are like sons only....our daughters will remain our daughters life long and look after us only.....

    can tell you many more:)

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  13. Hey, came here thru FB... I so so agree with you. I blogged about my similar predicament at http://debosmita.wordpress.com/2009/12/17/the-dreaded-m-word/ Trust me, the experience is same to same :-)

    btw, I am interested to see that you, too are a lawyer! hey, corporate or litigation? which city? and which college pass-out? pls don't mind so many questions - just that not everyday, do I come across bloggers who are lawyers, just like me :-)

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  14. Hahahahaha...All cliches.

    I pity you that you had to go through this ordeal. I never ever accompanied my mom to any functions or marriages. She would always scold me. But all's well that end's well.....

    Have you come across any foreign return guy bragging??? :-P

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  15. Oh yes forgot to mention!!!!

    Liked the new template :-)

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  16. Well well What do we have here.. I must add here its not just for girls .. sometimes its the same for Boys too.. When i got my job here, My parents were in india and thats it IT started then .. This girl that girl.. My maasi's who never called me would call too.

    The first time I went back to visit , it was more of GIRL meeting then family and friends meeting, and at one stage i asked them to see my friends and leave me alone...
    Had some good moments tooo.. I must say I did have some good times though.. a couple of girls i met then are good friends now ..

    Excellent article loved it

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  17. Yep....the list is quite long, but it depends upon how much you would allow it to be long.
    The more one tolerates the lengthier the list becomes.

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  18. @ Sid: *Sigh*
    Grow up man.

    @ Neha: Awesome :)

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  19. haha..interesting factual piece yar...reg. that guy i mentioned, neha i really felt bad and emotional that some people should die of hunger and the society will just watch...anwy...thankss for staying connected..cheers:)

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  20. lolzzz ya definately wedding proposals are a funny affair... no aunty leave any stone unturned in knowing if the daughter's marriage of so and so is fixed...
    liked the new look of the blog :)

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  21. Nice template!!
    That's a good one..."What is your name?" LOL :D
    This made fun reading! :)

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  22. Your new template looks good.

    Nice post. Several stupid questions. I heard this real life incident. An elderly parents were looking for a bride for their son. They were looking for a girl who can speak, read, and write English. The reason: They have an export business and they want someone familiar with English language. My question is: Why marry that girl to your son. Employ an English speaking assistant.

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  23. Hey one of my friend is getting married next month. and the best part is he hasn't seen the girl yet.Just the photograph.

    i feel jealous of him.Its a great way of getting married. You just meet the person on the first night. Surprises and suspense. How exciting.

    he is SUPER excited. He cant even see her during the wedding process, coz of ghunkta and parda.

    Atleast in next janm i would like to marry like this. Knowing the person beforehand kills the excitement. But i guess i will have to take birth in UP or bihar for that.

    Marriage is indeed a great thing in ones life. Just chill and enjoy each moment.and enjoy the process of falling in love. I love the process of getting into love. TC lovely post, though my comment is out of contest. Life is tooooo simple, but people make it complicated. especially the so called modern thinkers. I am sure people wont agree with me, but i believe in my funda, coz i have reasons to believe. OLD fashioned ways ROCK!!!!TC:)

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  24. You bowled everything off on the last one! I know many girls and guys suffer like that, but in today's world, I believe not many undergo this.

    The Day

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  25. Just few days back me and my husband were discussing that how we missed on this very interesting phase or episode...it was a love marriage.People (read aunties)never got a fair chance.ttcccchhh !!

    Like always,very interesting .Happy weekend !!

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  26. Fantastic write up..and the template beautiful..Neha rocks!

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  27. It may be a coincidence.We were discussing this subject very recently and my suggestion that was and I would repeat it now----
    it is time to reverse the trend.I strongly feel that it is the girls who must insist on "interviewing" the male candidate.Why not?Girls,today are doing as good-they are more caring towards the family,are financially sound and yes,now know that they can not be taken for granted.
    Well done,Neha.Good subject-as usual and keep it up.

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  28. Hhahahahaha amazing...what is your name....how can she ask tht...anyways nice post.... ya i know what all weird things happen...same for guyz i guess!!

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  29. @Sid, couldn't resist... but are these mistakes made, erm, by You??? :D

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  30. @ NR, of course I respect their emotions..but you will not get my point until you go thru this ordeal of becoming an eligible candidate ready for marriage and being displayed at weddings :D

    @ Communi, hahahaha, agents behind you...sorry I know it is not funny for the victims, but i am still LOLing :D oh those questions - nice nice you scare the guys :P glad you liked the template :)

    @ G, I am nothing compared to you..honestly :)

    @ Anwesa, welcome here...thank u for your comments and lucky you :D

    @ Hobo, she is somewhere on this planet earth only (thank god!)

    @ Saroj, I agree with you completely re...we should decide what we want and stick to it :)

    @ sm, thanks :)

    @ DC, you next? all the best dear..let me know if you need help ok..and then let god help you if you listen to me :P

    @ Neha, I guess it does :)

    @ Karthik, official checking out is a nightmare for a few souls I know :P

    @ Sid, these are more like your point of views..especially third point...it is gross dude..thanks for your comments..

    @ Nu, glad you liked the template :D accompanied your friend? wow..you must have the first hand experience then; well kind of :)

    @ Lama, very true...but such experiences must be bringing a smile on face na :)

    @ Antarman..you are right...lol at your points..very well put :)

    @ debosmita, welcome here..thank you for your comments..I read that post and loved it...and I e-mailed you my answers to your questions :D

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  31. @ Insignia, I had to go to the ordeal only initially when i was unawares about what waited for me..after that, our case was similar :P foreign return guy - well my rishta was already fixed with one..one day I reached home and mom revealed about one NRI..I told her I already liked M; she was disappointed but that's that..and after that; wo fella and his family were behind my life as they knew me well - good family friends..rest of the story; maybe I will share with you over e-mail :D glad you liked the template..

    @ Bikram, OMG..poor you re..but at least you found couple of good friends :) glad you liked the post..

    @ Haddock, could not have agreed more on this..

    @ Pawan, thanks dearest.. :)

    @ Ramesh, thanks :)

    @ Swatantra, thanks :)

    @ Rajlakshmi, it happens almost everywhere re..good to know you liked the template :)

    @ Shilpa, thanks buddy :)

    @ SG, glad you liked the template.. about your question - here the definition of a Daughter in law in most families is - a girl who can cook, earn, take care of husband, in laws and kids..a servant has less responsibilities than a DIL..

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  32. @ ZB, I know so many people who had got married and seen their spouse on the day of marriage..so what if that was years back..still at many places this is the trend..what you say about seeing your partner post wedding may not work all the time; but there is nothing wrong if you prefer it this way :) and I pray agle janam me tumhe ye mauka pakka mile and the partner that you want :D
    I love your comments buddy..they are very important to me..they make my day..so don't worry about what you write..even if you say, hi Neha; it will suffice :) enjoy each moment people..chill in life..totally agree buddy :)

    @ Bhavesh, in today's world too, many suffer like this..glad you liked the last one :)

    @ Kavita, hum bach gaye madam :D wish you too a very happy weekend ji :)

    @ Vishal, oh my..thank you thank you :D

    @ BK Chowla, sir, it is not important who takes the interview..I feel why Interview? why ONLY family decides who should get married to whom..again, I do not believe in gender differentiation..nobody should take anybody for granted..certain things a guy can do better and vice versa..thank you for your valuable point of view and encouraging comment :)

    @ Rohit, welcome here..thank you for your comments..well it was HE who asked HER this :D

    @ G, read my reply to Sid..we think alike here :P

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  33. Nice and funny....a friend of mine is going through the same phase and she keeps telling me about her wierd experiences.....


    Shahid

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  34. @ Shahid, welcome here..thank you for your comments..these experiences are indeed weird..:)

    @ Pallav, welcome here..thank you for your comments :)

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  35. Interesting- so many answers to be given for a wedding. And finally it is all made in Heaven.

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  36. one can look modern but have the most ancient of mindset...and some look dowdy and still are so openminded, it could surprise you.
    but why is modern to do with the western dress sense and mindset?
    one can look 100% Indian and still be modern in the head.
    great writeup...enjoyed the read

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  37. @ nsiyer, thank you for your comments sir..yeah, marriages are made in heaven :)

    @ Nalini, welcome here..thank you for your comments..very valid points you have mentioned here..this whole funda of open-mindedness is limited to showing off only..
    glad you liked the post :)

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  38. Hey, Neha, does this still happen...?
    I thought such "interviews" took place long a go and the world has moved on...
    Nicely written...

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  39. nice post...,I m going thru similar phase these days....check out my latest post about my encounter with a hillarious matrimony profile...

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  40. nice post...,I m going thru similar phase these days....check out my latest post about my encounter with a hillarious matrimony profile...

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