Saturday, January 23, 2010

Our Matho-English Professor

Neha's Blog has a guest on board - Karthik of Eloquence Redefined agreed to write a post for my blog. Needless to say the honour is all mine. He is one of my favourite fiction writers. I call him the King of great narration - as the name suggests, his narrations are king size (do not give me that glare; it is a compliment) but you can read his posts in one go. They are simply magical and fantabulous. I will leave this upto you all to decide how good he is as a writer. And, there will not be any series of guest posts that are going to follow. So do not be very hopeful. I will be back to harass you with my post soon enough.

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It’s been quite a journey so far in the world of blogging, and I’m very fortunate to have made some wonderful friends. And one of them being Neha or Nehatrix, as she is fondly called, is that rare gem, who has always encouraged my writing, which has certainly given me a lot of confidence. When she recently asked me to write a post for her blog, I was humbled. Thanks, Neha. It’s an immense pleasure to be a part of your blog.

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Professor Rudrappa (name not changed) was our Mathematics professor, but how wrong we were! He was in fact our Matho-English Professor, for he was not only good at Math, but also English. Or should I say Kanglish? – A mixture of Kannada and English. Nevertheless, we improved our language a lot in his company.

He was also the warden of Boys’ Hostel. Being a strict and responsible person he randomly chose a first year students’ room in the hostel at eight in the evening, on the first day of college. Upon making a glorious entry into the room he asked the boys their good names: Ramesh, Shashank and Praveen. He gave them some sage advices, like he did every year, and took their leave.

The next day in the class, to his surprise and also the boy’s, Praveen was in his class. He recognized the boy from his previous day’s encounter and nodded at him, as if telling, “I’m watching you.” Well, the class got over, and so did the college, a couple of hours later.

That evening Professor Rudr went to the same room at the same time, only to realize that Praveen, his humble student, was missing. Upon asking, his roomies told him that he had gone out. Professor Rudr made a mental note of it.

The next day in the class, while the attendance was being taken, our poor Praveen was sitting silently, waiting for his name to be called. But what he didn’t know then was that he’d be going down in the history of Professor Rudr’s histrionics.

A moment later his name was called and he promptly said, “Present, Sir.” Everything was all right till now. And then the bomb was dropped!

Our dear Matho-English Professor asked Praveen regarding his absence from his room the previous evening, “What Praveen? I come to your room yesterday. You only come for first night and don’t come for second night. This is bad. Why is that? Where are you?”

Needless to say, the entire class was in fits of laughter. And none stopped laughing for the next ten minutes. This reminds of me one thing. When Swami Vivekananda said, “Brothers and sisters of America,” the whole crowd clapped continuously for two minutes. And now, when Professor Rudr said those beautiful words, the whole class laughed continuously for ten minutes. Tell me, tell me, who’s greater?

Well, it was just the beginning.

*****

He was taking class on a boring afternoon and we dudes were talking. The Professor noticed us and said, pointing to one boy in particular, “Hey, you. Stand up, I say.”

A boy in the third bench stood up and asked, “Me, sir?”

Our English Pundit said, gesticulating, “Not me. Behind me.”

The class roared with laughter. During that particular moment, our College Principal passed through the corridor. Professor Rudr dear was quick to add “Shhh… Don’t make sounds. Principal just passed away.”

And the sound of our laughter soared higher and higher.

*****

Diwali came and we had holidays for three days, starting from the next day. That evening, after college, my two friends and I met with our Professor in the parking area. We lovingly said, “Happy Diwali, sir.”

To which he lovingly replied, “Vice versa.”

We really didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. So we didn’t do anything.

*****

He hadn’t taken class the previous day. On the present day, soon after taking attendance, he said, “I can’t come to class yesterday, because I was went to mud-making.” After that he carried on with his lecture.

His bad grammar didn’t amuse us that much, as we’d already got accustomed to it. But one thing that haunted us like never before was the term he used, ‘mud-making’. We scratched our heads, we scratched our chests, but we couldn’t figure out the meaning of this new phrase. We couldn’t even concentrate on the lecture, for our minds were occupied with ‘mud-making’.

After about an hour, when the professor was gone, one of my friends shouted at the top of his voice, “Eureka, eureka, eureka!”

He was now being surrounded by six or seven of us. He was beaming with pride and glory. He kept smiling. I tapped his head and said, “Are you going to say anything?”

“Dudes, do you know what he meant by ‘mud-making’?”

None of us answered.

He said, “He meant funeral, dudes, funeral. You know, the ceremony of burying the body in the ground, and performing one's last rites.” Good heavens!

Some boys pulled their hair, and some fainted.

Our loving Professor had effectively translated the Kannada euphemism for funeral and told us – ‘mud-making’.

*****

I was sitting next to the window in the class one day, and it was unbearably hot. I had just taken my seat, and the windows were still closed. Professor Rudr told me as soon he entered the class, “Karthik, open the windows, please. Let the air-force come in.”

Ah, was I amazed?!

This was still ok to a certain extent. But on another day, he said to a girl, who was sitting next to the window. He didn’t say air-force this time, but simply said, “Archana, please open the top.” The postfix was dropped.

No comments.

*****

A few boys and two girls had not done the assignment, and they were all made to stand up. He didn’t say much to boys, as he perfectly knew it was useless. But what angered him was the fact that even girls had failed to write the assignments.

The girls were standing, with their heads down.

He said, “Look at you. Shameless girls. Why you didn’t did assignments, I say?”

“Sir, I had been to …” started one girl.

“Don’t give me reasons. Boys are always like this, I know. But what happened to you? I have seen many girls in my life, including my daughters, who are also girls. But I have never seen girls like you two.”

The girls couldn’t control their emotions and started laughing hysterically. It angered him very much.

“Pack your luggage and get out of my class,” he cried.

More laughter.

“You are still laughing? Get out. No attendance for you today.”

The girls silently packed their bags and headed towards the door.

“And one more thing,” the Professor said, “I know what you will do outside. I have seen you many times understanding the tree and talking. If I see you understanding the tree again, I will never enter you in my class.”

The girls didn’t say anything, for all they wanted to do was go outside and laugh. They simply said, “Yes, sir,” and scuttled away.

Professor Rudr had done it once again.

*****

A few hostel boys complained the Professor-cum-warden that the hostel food was not all right, as they had found some minute stone particles in rice. ‘Stones’ was the term used in Kannada.

The Professor took it to his heart and decided to taste the food himself. So he sat with some boys in the dining hall, for lunch. The food was served, but unfortunately he didn’t find anything wrong with the food.

He finished his lunch, stood up from his place, and asked everyone in the dining hall, at the top of his voice, “Did anybody found rocks in rice?”

Some laughed hard, some sniggered, some banged their heads against the table, and some looked flummoxed. But whatever they did, they didn’t answer the question, as they thought that consuming ‘rocks’ along with rice was better than consuming Professor Rudr’s English.

Such was the beauty of his language!

Hope you all yanjaaayed.

28 comments:

  1. Karthik, welcome to Neha's blog...and what a post..I was laughing throughout the post..thank you for writing this..

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  2. Nice story Karthik. I want to continue a bit further.

    Professor Rudra was taking an English class. The room was gallery type. Girls were sitting in the first few rows and the boys were in the back rows. One day they wanted to make fun of the Professor. So the boys sat in the first few rows and the girls in the back rows. Remember it was a gallery type class.

    Professor comes. He saw something different. He could not figure out what it is. Then he commented: What is this? Pants are down and Sarees are up.

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  3. Hey - while I like reading your post but I must say I felt a little bad for the Prof as well...you see a lack of exposure makes people speak english the wrong way.

    If the president of France doesn't speak English it is ok..but If our president speaks a bit broken english it becomes a national debate.


    Yet it is so deeply ingrained in us - that we can't help stop laughing at these gaffes.Your post was written well,yes it did make me laugh.

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  4. Hey - while I like reading your post but I must say I felt a little bad for the Prof as well...you see a lack of exposure makes people speak english the wrong way.

    If the president of France doesn't speak English it is ok..but If our president speaks a bit broken english it becomes a national debate.


    Yet it is so deeply ingrained in us - that we can't help stop laughing at these gaffes.Your post was written well,yes it did make me laugh.

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  5. Neha,

    Your blogger friend is amazing at writing. He has a good memory also..

    I enjoyed the post a lot.. Thanks for sharing!!

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  6. This is really a wonderful post..poor Mr.Rudra..Oh I mean, Poor students...:)

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  7. Gosh! Karthik you did it again!
    Loved the escapades. Needless to say we also have similar experiences, only i don't have such a good memory! But I shouldn't laugh, the owner of this blog along with others (including you) are making fun of my Hindi (for God's sake)!! Don't wanna end up like your Matho-English Prof! :P :D

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  8. Karthik,

    Nice!! I just loved the "mud-making"

    Hahahahaha...I have had similar expericnes too....It was reverse. My English teacher used to make fun of us for our wrong English. she was so strict.

    Once she wrote on the board "I ate my stomach fill". We all laughed and she asked why. One of the girls managed to say - It should be "full".

    My teacher scolded us enough for our pathetic English that day. "Shame on you girls. Is this how you are going to go out of the school!!"

    Oh my God! I can never ever forget.

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  9. KickAss post! Only if Mr.Rudrappa could read it...Wait a minute, the point is, would he be able to feel the punch though?!? And IF he did, would he say "Karthik! you ashamed me with public exposure I say!" :P LOL!

    Great one buddy..You owe Mr.Rudr a Thanks for giving you the raw materials to come up with such a hilarious post!

    Hey Neha!
    Looks like KickAss team has a potential comrade :)

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  10. That was a wonderful one Karthik...especiallly the episode of the professor scolding the girls.... :) :) I was laughing all through the post...really a hilarious one.. :D :D

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  11. @ Neha, I'm happy you enjoyed it. And THANK YOU for asking me to write. It was an honour writing here. :)

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  12. @ SG, Hahahaha.. lol.. :D I'd heard this joke and ironically enough, one of our professors had said it.
    Well, thank you. Glad you liked the post. :)

    @ Gyanban, You felt bad? Funny you should say that, because our Professor himself didn't feel bad about his language. ;)
    You are right. I agree. Lack of exposure makes one ignorant about certain things; in this case, language.
    Thank you, sir. Glad it made you laugh. :)

    @ Swatantra, You mean me? Hehe.. Thanks. :)

    @ Megha, Glad you liked it. :)

    @ Guria, Well, my memory is damn good when it comes to remembering things like these. :P
    By the way, I still dont know the complete story about your Hindi, but I'll soon know enough. :D
    Good to know you enjoyed this post. Thank you. :)

    @ Insignia, Hahaha.. Mud-making is too good, isn't it? :D
    And yeah, 'I ate to my stomach's fill'! That's a good one. :D
    Thanks a lot. Glad you enjoyed it. :)

    @ Raksha, "You ashamed me with public exposure!" Lol.. :D
    Well, at least he was a good professor. So no complaints. We kinda liked him. :)
    Thank you! Glad to have made you laugh. :)

    @ Urvashi, Thanks a lot, Urvashi. Girls bashing this is my favourite too. :)

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  13. Wow.. funny and entertining.. we all have stories about our profs dun we .. hehe!! Karthik is such an amazing narrator.. he holds me spell bound!! And Neha ur blog is awesome.
    PS: I m new to it..

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  14. @ Swatantra, thanks..glad you liked this guest post :)

    @ Raksha, now that's an idea :)

    @ The west wind, welcome here...glad you liked my blog dear :)

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  15. Wonderful, Kathik and Neha for inviting him as a guest.

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  16. Lol.
    It reminds of our physics lecturer in college who once shouted "Go face your wash" when he found a student sleeping.

    And a few days later he gave fishing a new synonym, fish hunting :P

    Good post neways ;)

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  17. Karthik,
    LOL, That was a good one :-) . Looks like most colleges have an unwritten policy to hire a few Rudrappas. We have a few gems too..

    Nice theme Neha..

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  18. roflmao!!:P

    yanjaayed the post...!!:)

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  19. @ Annyesha, Thanks a bunch, Annyesha. I'm so glad you think my narration is good and liked the post. :)

    @ nsiyer, Thank you so much. :)

    @ Pawan, lol.. go face your wash! That's damn funny. Thanks! :)

    @ Madhu, Thank you, sir. And not most colleges. I think all the colleges have Rudrappas. ;)

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  20. ha hah now this was nostalgic for me .. cause it brought memories of my MATH teacher in school, Mr Brito , I dont remember where he was from but he was definitely south indian, and he had bome to our school in PUNJAB, the princly city of Patiala. Oh man each class was WOW class I shall write it in details sometime ...

    but thanks for this lovely article , memories good old memories ... loved it

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  21. Yes, yes. Karthik yanjaayed it to core. Thanks to Neha for inviting you to this space. And the grammar is infectious. And as you knaw, all is in the well that is good.

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  22. I maybe the only one here but I felt really bad for the professor.
    Not everyone speaks English fluently but we Indians have this attitude that somehow if you do not speak flawless English, it is ok to laugh at you.
    I have met people who though spoke very bad English and had heavy accents, were very intelligent people.
    No the post did not make me laugh. It made me think that maybe we need to laugh with people and not AT them.

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  23. @ Bikram, You are welcome, Bikram. And thanks to you too. Glad you liked it. :)

    @ Holylama, hahaha.. lol.. Thanks! I'm happy you yanjaaayed. "All is in the well that is good?" Awesome! :)

    @ sm, Thanks.

    @ The Panorama, Everyone is entitled to an opinion and so are you. I surely respect that. You should notice one thing: the humour here is not crude. It's not an insult to the professor. People even make fun of Aamir Khan's perfectionist image, but does that mean he is being insulted? It's only natural to laugh when someone says, "you come for first night and don't come for second night." On the contrary, he's aware of his language problem, but it doesn't matter to him as he is a maths professor and he's extremely good at teaching maths. So I don't see any problem in having pure fun without hurting anybody, and that's what this post is all about. Thanks for your honest comment. :)

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  24. very well written i couldnt help myself laughing through all of it!! really enjoyed it!!

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  25. Well done again Karthik...

    Though, I felt that "Principal passed away" is not an original.. or perhaps coincidence.. I have read such english stmts in a mail.. where it is Prof. Jeppair or something like that..

    like always, narration simply rocks!!

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  26. This was rofl material Karthik. Loved it! :D

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  27. Nice post! funny one! Once my Manager was introducing new Team Leader (female) to the team. He said to the team, "You know her all" when he wanted to say "You all know her"

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