Monday, October 19, 2009

The Phone Call

Pratyush Shrivastav’s life was never his...a dominating and a powerful politician father always controlled his life...his father decided his friends, his clothes, his vacation spots, his college, his career, his wife everything...Pratyush wanted to go abroad and learn to act in the top acting school...he wanted to become an actor, but his father wanted him to join politics...when Pratyush became a graduate, his father made him join his party to make him a known face in the political circle and to take his own place...Pratyush hated this line, he hated everything related to politics, because politics and power had always given him a life that had become a hell for him...Pratyush could not even marry a girl of his choice due to his father’s promise to another political leader to marry Pratyush to his daughter...by the time Pratyush became 27, he had a simple and homely wife, a son and a slowly and steadily developing political career...but things were going to change soon for him...

One fine morning, when Pratyush was fast asleep, he got a call on his cell informing him about the death of his father and father in law in a car crash while travelling together for a politician meet...the news brought happiness in his life like nothing ever did...he was free now...he rushed to the hospital where the bodies were kept, identified them and did the final rituals of his political career...he joined film industry, gave a couple of flops, got new name PS and he was back to where he began his new career...now at 33 and unemployed and wealth reducing every minute, he had limited options – either go back to politics or start a new career altogether...his short lived political career had one major advantage – contacts...PS wanted to stay as much close as possible to the film industry, and there was a new news paper being launched that needed a film critic who was a known face, so using his strong influence, he made that paper hire him for the same...

A new chapter started in his life now...name, fame, money – official and unofficial, respect and girls started floating in all at the same time...PS slowly started falling in love with all this...this new addiction was his life now...his family didn’t matter to him, the family that was a constant reminder of his father’s dominance...PS hated his wife, his son who looked like her, he hardly spoke to them, returned home in the wee hours of morning...pretty actresses , a different one each night was a passion he had, they were the best source for him to take out his frustration, until he met Reema, a wannabe superstar, with breath-taking beauty and body and whose first movie was around the corner...it was a horror movie under a new banner, with a new actor and director, with the probable flop ratio of 95%...but Reema was known to be No Nonsense girl...she didn’t compromise at all to grab the top film, thus such a debut...PS had tried all his sources to convince Reema to come to the hotel room at night for once, but there was always an outright no...This was the reason because of which Reema had become his new obsession, his first challenge in years, a challenge he wanted to win, for himself, no matter what it took or how he did it but he had to get her, and soon...

PS knew that Reema had not signed a single movie and she was desperately in need of work, so he decided to call her in the broad day light to a Hotel under a fake identity of a producer... “If I don’t sign any movie now, and my first movie is a flop, then my career is almost over as an actress”, Reema thought and agreed to meet him even though she didn’t have a good feeling about the whole thing of meeting in a hotel room...her first horror movie had taught her one thing – keep your guards ready while meeting anybody alone who is not known to you...she had carried a recorder and a knife in case she needed to use it...

She knocked the room and entered in and surprised to see PS there...she immediately tried to leave, but PS was ready for it and stopped her...PS tried to explain to her that her movie preview would be there tomorrow and if she gives herself now to him, he will make her a celebrity overnight...nobody would know of this meeting and he would give her movie nice reviews and she would be on top soon, all he needed was her for once...but Reema was not ready for any sort of compromise...she again tried to leave, but PS pushed her like a wounded animal and started tearing her clothes...Reema tried to yell, tried to stop him, pleaded him, but he was out of control, and she was helpless against his physical power and force...she still had her bag within her reach, thinking this was her only option, she took out the knife and attacked PS on his hand...PS screamed and led go of her due to pain, but the cut was not deep enough to hold him back for more than few seconds...Reema couldn’t get out of the room...this time PS was aware about the knife...he grabbed her knife hand, Reema tried to struggle and neither she nor PS realised how the knife went passed the flesh blood oozed out...


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Three years have passed since that dreadful day when the murder happened...changing country and identity didn’t kill the guilt within of kiling somebody...the feeling of geting caught any moment, the fear of somebody waching you all the time is worse than the jail or any other punishment...maybe running away from the whole thing was making it worse to handle...after three long years, returning home was a very nervous feeling...the picture of that day, the blood, the destroying of evidence, the escape from that place, everything somehow became much more clearer than it had been while staying abroad...when the key unlocked the house that had been closed for a long time, it gave a creepy feeling to the whole body and soul...new mobile would be activated by tomorrow, and the home phone had been disconnected, so no contact with the world for a day...anyways the changed identity wouldn’t have made anybody call here... the servant will shift here tomorrow morning, so all alone in the house, it was difficult to decide whether the privacy was a bliss or a punishment...

She was about to change into a comfortable outfit when the phone rang...a chill passed through her body, as the phone was not working...with a shivering hand, she picked it up...it was from the telephone operator informing her about the activation of the line...she was too shocked to ask the operator anything further and disconnected the phone without thanking her...she was wondering who requested to restore the line? thinking maybe the servant did it, she went to freshen up...

the phone rang again that night, she heard the familiar voice, the crisp voice of the producer who had called her three years back, and everything went black...


43 comments:

  1. Super post. Very thrilling. Felt like watching an episode from the American television show "The Twilight Zone". In that, each episode is a combination of fantasy, suspense or horror. This fiction gave me that feeling. Keep it up. Enjoyed very much.

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  2. @ SG, thank u very much...that's some compliment indeed...I have never seen it as I can't watch horror, get too scared...ur this comment means a lot :)

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  3. Oh boy ! You know how to keep people hanging in the balance. Or may be i should say, glued to the monitor !

    Lovely ! you have some talent here !

    hey..and new background and template ! Hmm. Diwali is ringing in change ! Congratulations !

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  4. Oh my!! Its superb!! The end is really chilling

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  5. ossum.. loved every bit of it.. is there goin to be a part 2.. if not.. then i want u to write 1.. continue it somehow.. awaitin..

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  6. Yo! Story time! Nothing fascinates me more than stories. :-) And this story simply rocks!! :-) It's pacy, it's crisp. And the climax was fabulous. Sent a chill down my spine. :-)
    But one thing though: a film critic achieving so much wealth, pleasures, etc. was a bit difficult to believe.
    Well, the narrative style is excellent. But one small thing I want to point out. Avoid using '...' all the time. It appears in almost all the paragraphs. (the very last sentence of the story is OK with '...' it creates the much needed dramatic effect) Sentences could be made effective by using simple quotation marks. (Just an opinion. Kindly ignore it if you don't like or agree).
    Overall it was a wonderful read. Will go through your old stories... :-)

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  7. Very chilling, but how reema changed the country and all,she did have that much of money?......Pratyush was a very horrible person..anyone who rejoices at the death of his father ..so what if his father wasnt so good..is codemnable.

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  8. Wow Neha, a thriller!! TOO GOOD!
    Enjoyed it very much and looks like you wrote it in a complete single flow...
    By the way, nice template :)
    And in the first few seconds here, I did a double take... You are an Insightful Blogger, girl, ask anyone! :)

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  9. Neha,it is a beautifully written script.

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  10. This is an lovely post!! It was really nice...very well written as u very well know how to use words!!

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  11. Ah! Too good! I didn't know that lawyers can make such good fiction-writers too! But I guess I said that before- you should seriously think about taking up writing as a career, even if part-time. You'll rock :)
    Story was quite thrilling, end was scary. I am always scared of landline phones, because I have got some worst of the news through them:(
    Keep writing....

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  12. Wow Neha…quite an awesome post and thinking back the comment yu left in my page abt not writing fiction…. Are yu kidding me ? !! Yu rock..yeah I agree the punishment is far better than the dread of getting caught!!.. Well, I guess you can continue Part 2 of this Phone call? It would really be a good one!! Wat say ?

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  13. @ Kavi, thanks a lot for such a big compliment...it's always so overwhelming to receive such nice words from u...yeah, new year new template...I got bored of the earlier one...:)

    @ Insignia, thanks gal...I am glad u liked it...

    @ Hobo, hope u understood it...

    @ Vishnu, whoa, thanks a lot for appreciating...and no, there is no second part nor I can think of anything beyond this...why don't u try?

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  14. @ Karthik, thanks for the comments, compliments and suggestions...well a film critic had a politician as a father, thus black money, so wealth was built up already and money kept coming in as he took extra from the producers for giving their movies nice reviews...and the three dots I am used to write...if i don't write them, then my story wont move ahead...but will try to delete them at the end when I write the next story, which I dunno when wil it come now...m not a genius like u...u r too good at fiction :)

    @ Antarman, Reema wanted to be an actress, a successful one...a rich girl can also have this ambition...nowhere I have mentioned that she joined the industry for money, so let's assume she is rich enough to change her identity n country...it's a fiction na...and I purposely made him a negative person, or his acts wouldn't have been justified..:)

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  15. @ Sreya, thanks a bunch girl...I am so glad that u liked it...well in one flow, I had written a different climax, in which I killed the girl, but the story sounded too cliched n filmi, so changed it to this one...and u dunno how good I feel whenever I that award of yours, so I mentioned this in my profile...thanks for that :))

    @ BK Chowla, thank u very much sir...I am glad u liked it..:)

    @ Nazish, thanks a lot for ur wonderful comment..:)

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  16. @ Varsha, thanks a lot for ur wonderful comments...yeah I very well remember u mentioning me taking up writing as a career, but I still feel I need a bit of more time...and yeah, this lawyer is learning the art of writing fiction...long way to go yet...and me too damn scared of anything horror...tc :)

    @ HaRy, thanks man...but I am still trying to learn it all...hardly few fictions I have written so far...part 2 of this? arre yaar, this was so difficult, to part 2 likhneme to waat lag jaayegi re :)

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  17. Girl..we all are searching covers! Nobody could match this write up! Those last moments in the story sent a chill!!
    WOW! Awesome!
    I envy you now! How can u write such a story

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  18. awesome storyline, loved every bit of it.. I am sure your background in law helps you writing up mysteries,,,I loved the flow and the climax was perfect! In music you call it a crescendo although i am not sure what it is with fiction. But Kudos!

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  19. i am not sure how, but your protagonist and mine share the same surname. There are too many UP wallah bhaiyyas around, i am glad Mr. Thackeray is not blogging
    cheers!

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  20. wow.. a proper thriller.. really enjoyed reading it.. the flow and climax was really good!!! Yeah I like Vishnu's suggestion.. you can think about writing part 2 of this :)

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  21. Shruti, I am on cloud 9...such a compliment from a fiction master? phew...thanks girl...:)

    @ Vishnu, sure, do try..

    @ JJ, law doesn't help here a bit, as it's not my line of practice, the criminal line ie...and thanks for such an awesome complement buddy...it means a lot..wanna send Mr. Thakrey the links of our posts post election result? :P

    @ evanescentthoughts, thanks girl for ur comment and complement...i was reading ur post n u were reading mine at the same time btw :) n sequel to this? well, I couldn't think about anything else beyond this..so let's see, if the plot develops further, then why not?

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  22. Yeah minds of great (wo)men run parallel ;)
    Btw I liked your new template a lot :)

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  23. @ Avada (well, too dumb of me o use that, I have been writing that long name u use as ur URL), thanks gal, me too loved this template..:)

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  24. hey Neha,nice n a cool template..also u r work is good..good narration..lifes of two individuals n the role of destiny in their lives:)I njoyed readin d whole one!! keep d gud work goin Neha..cheers:)

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  25. ooofff..quite gripping boss...:)

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  26. oh first things first..Your blog is looking ravishing ! Now going to read the post and will be back ;)

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  27. Hey it's a nice one..a bit scary too :)

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  28. @ Benny, thanks buddy...I am glad u liked it...

    @ R. Ramesh, really? thanks a tonne buddy..:)

    @ hey Nu, thanks girl...I am so flattered about the template compliment..and for the story compliment too :)

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  29. Very well written!
    A good plot with a thriller feel.

    Cheers!!

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  30. hey neha..i am also wondering where it has vanished yar..but then..it has gone from the cupboard...thats it..heheh..cheers friend..

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  31. @ Chatterbox, welcome here...thank u for ur comments...I am glad u liked it..:)

    @ Zeba, thanks girl :)

    @ R. Ramesh, hahahaha...tc..:)

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  32. First time here.

    Interesting read. Sort of like a soap opera. Liked the twist in between and the end too.

    Shall read more of your posts. Hope there're more stories !! ;-)

    Cheers.

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  33. Hi Neha,
    Visit my profile :)
    Something is waiting for you!

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  34. Hi Neha!!

    What a wonderful story girl!! I first thought it is one of the case story.. superb!!

    I liked the title.. i was feeling like reading a bestseller...

    And the new look is classy..

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  35. @ Lostworld (the term I use so often for ppl around me :P), welcome here...there are few stories on my blog, the link to them u will find at the end of this post..:)

    @ Shruti, I am already flaunting all 4 awards on my blog :D...thanks a bunch..:)))

    @ Swatantra, oh wow, thank u for such a wonderful compliment...i am overjoyed, overwhelmed and on cloud 9..:)

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  36. A very gripping story!! And the climax sends shivers down the spine!!
    Well written Neha!!

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  37. what a piece Neha..
    thrilling and engrossing...kept me glued to the monitor
    I really think you should write a part two of this..

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  38. @ Shilpa, thanks buddy...I am glad u liked it..:)

    @ RSV, welcome here...thank u for ur comments...well i am not too sure about the second part, but will surely try :)

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  39. this is superb....realy nice...BTW template is superb. TC:)

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  40. the comment I have been waiting for...thanks ZB...

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